


kiss me on this cold decemeber night

by andtimestoodstill



Series: Holiday Kisses [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Adam Parrish-centric, Alternate Universe, Blind Date, Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Multi, POV Adam Parrish, Slow Burn, a twelve dates of christmas au bc the author loves made for tv christmas movies, abuse of the em dash, but ronan lynch has great hockey butt, someone should take away my ability to use command+i, the author hopes it isnt obvious that she just re-read all of check please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtimestoodstill/pseuds/andtimestoodstill
Summary: Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?” a man in a black suit asked. He had a walkie talkie in one hand, as if he was about to call for back up. Security guard, Adam’s fog-addled brain supplied.“What a way to spend Christmas Eve,” an old man said, peering down at Adam.“What happened?” he found himself asking, head throbbing.Another face, one that was vaguely familiar, entered his line of sight. “I spritzed you and you passed out.”(In which Adam Parrish hits his head and has to relive Christmas Eve over and over again, learning a lot about himself, his friends, and the world in the process)
Relationships: Jordan/Declan Lynch, Noah Czerny/Henry Cheng, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, obligatory adam/oc female character for drama
Series: Holiday Kisses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587037
Comments: 66
Kudos: 362





	1. Partridge in a Pear Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the first day of Christmas, Adam hits his head.

“Hey, Jackie. It’s me. Um, Adam. Parrish.” Adam rubbed at one eye, mentally kicking himself. He didn’t need to remind Jackie of his last name. _Get yourself together, Parrish_. “Merry Christmas! Um, I was hoping I could see yo-Max today.” _Smooth, Parrish, real smooth_. “I haven’t seen him since you went to your reunion. And yeah, I miss him. So let me know what you’re up to today. I’m going to Gansey’s and Blue’s tonight, but I’ve got nothing else going on. Also, I got you a gift!” Adam wanted to slap himself. Or toss himself out of a window. “Anyway. Call me. Or text me. Whatever is fine. Talk to you soon.” Adam hung up the call and practically threw his phone across his desk.

“Wow,” Blue intoned. “That was painful to watch.”

“Oh, whatever, Blue.” Adam rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. “Not all of us have a psychic mother who tells us where and when we’re going to meet our true loves. Most of us have to go through the painful monotony of dating.”

“Don’t tell Jackie that your incentive to get back together is _monotony_.”

“Go away.”

Blue hopped up to sit on Adam’s desk, crossing her legs daintily. “I can’t. I had a proposition for you, but if you’re gonna see Jackie tonight, I don’t really want to bring it up.”

“What?” Adam turned to her; one eyebrow raised. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s just that Gansey’s best friend, Ronan, is coming to spend Christmas with us and I thought you’d like to meet him.”

“Yeah, I know, Blue. Gansey’s been talking about it non-stop. And I’m still coming over tonight. Probably. Maybe Jackie will—”

“Nope,” Blue shook her head insistently. “I don’t even want to hear whatever weird sex thing you want her to do to you and/or weird nerd thing you two want to do together.”

“You know, it’s not that weird that we liked to play chess, okay? Lots of couples play board games together.”

“You two kept a running score of how many games you had won.”

“She had a better record than me—”

Blue slapped a hand over Adam’s mouth. “Like I said. Weird nerd thing.”

Adam rolled his eyes and peeled Blue’s hand away from his face. “What was your point, again?”

“Nothing. It’s a bad idea.”

“C’mon. Tell me.” He poked at Blue’s stocking covered knee. “I love bad ideas.”

“No you don’t,” she huffed indignantly. After a few moments of prodding. “I thought you could meet Ronan _before_ dinner tonight.”

“Why would I do tha—No. Blue. What? No.”

“C’mon,” she nudged Adam’s side with one foot. “I think it could be good for both of you.”

“I cannot believe you’re trying to set me up on a blind date. On Christmas Eve. With Gansey’s _best friend_.”

“You both need to get out there. I’m not saying you have to _date_ the guy. It’s just drinks.”

“The way you said that makes it sound like there is already a plan in place and you’re just telling me about it now.”

Blue, with her naturally dark skin, wasn’t capable of blushing, but Adam imagined this was what a flushed Blue looked like. “Look, it was Gansey’s idea and I thought he was joking. But it turns out he wasn’t and apparently Ronan is all ready for your date—”

“ _Blue Sargent_!” he crowed. Thankfully the office Christmas party was in full swing, so no one paid him any mind. “I am _not_ doing it.”

“Adam.” She hopped off of Adam’s desk, her voice going serious. “I know you think you still love Jackie—”

“I _do_ love her—”

“But I think that your brain is desperately trying to hold on to the person you were when you were with her. You think that in order to be happy, that you have to have all your perfect little ducks in a perfect little row. But that’s not what makes life good. It’s the messy stuff. The hard stuff. The stuff that breaks your heart.” She paused, taking Adam’s hand in her own. “Things that don’t go according to plan. That’s the stuff that makes life good. I don’t want you chasing something that you only _think_ will make you happy.”

Adam sighed and squeezed her hand. “I hear you, Blue. I really do. But I already called her—” Blue tried to cut him off, but he didn’t let her. “Maybe we won't get back together tonight. But I do want to see her. It’s Christmas.” He paused a moment, thinking. “But I am also willing to go on this blind date.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Adam shrugged. “If it gets you off my back for one night—"

Blue squealed and pulled Adam in for a tight hug. “Oh, Adam. That’s great.” She pulled back, smiling down at him. “And it’s all set up. He’s gonna meet you at Nick’s at five.”

“Nick’s. Five.” Adam repeated to himself, checking his phone for the time. He hated that he noticed that Jackie had not called him back. It was 3:00. “Well, I need to get out of here.”

“Already?”

“Yeah. I need to go pick up a gift for Jackie.”

“What? I thought you said… Oh, Adam. You idiot.”

“I panicked, okay?” He huffed out an embarrassed breath. “Whatever, I’ll stop at Macy’s on the way back to my apartment and pick something out for her.”

“Why not just give her what you got in the Secret Santa pool.” She pulled the festively decorated bag towards her and peeked inside. “Ah, because you got a Tom Clancy book from your Secret Santa. Yeesh.” She dropped the book back in the bag. “I would give you my gift, but it’s almost just as bad.”

“Really?” Adam asked, turning away to shut down his computer.

“Yeah. Who thinks _jam_ is a good Secret Santa gift? It’s not even a good _regular_ gift.”

“ _I_ like jam.”

“It’s—Oh my god it was you, wasn’t it?” Blue pointed at him. When Adam didn’t respond, Blue just rolled her eyes. “You have a terrible taste in gifts.”

“That’s not true! Your real gift is _amazing_. I just forgot about Secret Santa, and that was the first thing I could find.”

“Well,” Blue walked over to her desk, returning with the jar of jam. “Then you can return this,” she added it to the bag with the Tom Clancy novel in it. “To your fridge.”

Adam packed up his things, pulling on his coat and gloves. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“I’m not helping you pick out a gift for your ex, Adam.” Blue crossed her arms over her chest.

“Then you can stay and talk to Joey in accounting.”

Blue shuddered. “Fine. Let me grab my stuff.”

They made their way through the office towards the exit, none of their coworkers paying them any mind. Christmas music was blasting over a stereo somewhere, Adam couldn’t quite place it. “What the hell is a calling bird, anyway?” Blue asked.

“I hate that song,” was Adam’s only reply.

Blue hummed in response, pressing the button for the elevator. As they stepped out 15th Street, Blue pulled a homemade knit hat low over her ears against the cold. “I’m gonna give Ronan your number, tell him to get in touch with you so that you can’t just stand him up.”

“Your lack of faith in me is honestly a little insulting.”

Blue looked up at him, her mouth twisting to one side in thought. “Adam, I love you. Really, I do. But you have a little bit of a one-track mind. If something doesn’t fit into your Plan,” he could hear the capitalizion in Blue’s tone. “Then you think that it’s a waste of your time.”

“Why is having a plan such a bad thing?” he asked. “Having a plan is what got me into Harvard and then Georgetown Law. It’s what got me to the ACLU and meeting you.” Adam nudged Blue with his elbow, a smile tugging at his mouth, but Blue’s expression didn’t change.  
  


“The only reason we’re friends is because I wormed my way into your life, Adam. Admit it, I’m not part of your Plan.”

“Blue,” he started, but she was right. Not that he didn’t want to be her friend, but it had never occurred to Adam to want something like that.

“Look, having goals is a good thing. Having a direction you want your life to head in is a good thing. But having a step-by-step plan? One that you can’t bear to deviate from, even just a little? That’s not healthy, Adam. I know that having schedules and structure gives you a sense of control over your life, but.” She paused, regarding him again, expression softening. “But you’re not living, Adam. You’re just getting by.”

Adam huffed and tucked his hands into his pockets. He didn’t want to look at her. “Look,” she nudged his foot with her own. “I love you, and I want you to be happy. I just don’t want to see you watch your life from the sidelines.” There was a muffled noise coming from Blue’s bag, and she reached down into the depths of it to find her phone. “Hey babe,” she said as she answered the phone. “Yeah, I’m just leaving now. He’s right here. I’ll tell him. Okay. Love you too. Bye.”

“Gansey?” Adam asked unnecessarily. Who else would it be?

“Yeah. He wanted me to remind you about your date tonight.” Blue had the decency to look at least a little embarrassed. “And I should remind you not to embarrass yourself. It’s just gonna be the four of us at dinner.”

“Your family can’t make it?”

“No, but Gansey’s family can’t make it either. So it all works out in the end.” Adam laughed and Blue preened. “I should probably get going. But I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” he leaned over and gave Blue a quick hug. “Later.”

They turned their separate ways, Blue heading west to the bus stop and Adam walking east to Metro Center. The store was insane with the Christmas Eve rush, a flurry of harried-looking customers everywhere. Adam tried to keep his head on straight, heading for the women’s section. He wasn’t quite sure what to get Jackie. Jewelry seemed out of the question; he didn’t want to come across too desperate. But he also wanted to get her something nice; Adam was still in love with her, so sue him.

After about ten minutes, he found the perfect gift, a beautiful cashmere scarf in a cool, light gray. Adam could just picture her in it, how it would complement her green eyes nicely. It was the right combination of casual and romantic

He didn’t linger on the price for too long, it was Christmas after all. And nothing says _Christmas miracle_ like cashmere.

Adam took the scarf to the nearest register, waiting behind a harried looking woman with an armful of clothes. It didn’t take too long, thankfully, and the cashier had his scarf scanned, boxed up, and paid for in a just a few minutes, which was good news because the Christmas music playing over the stereo was starting to give him a headache.

Checking his watch, Adam knew that he had to hurry out of the store if he wanted to get back to his apartment in time to shower and change for his date. God, he had almost forgotten that he agreed to go on a blind date on _Christmas Eve_ —

Adam’s train of thought was interrupted as a Macy’s employee in the fragrance department sprayed her perfume at Adam’s face right as he breathed in. The music playing in the store slowed and distorted as his vision started to fade, and he fell to the floor.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?” a man in a black suit asked. He had a walkie talkie in one hand, as if he was about to call for back up. Security guard, Adam’s fog-addled brain supplied.

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve,” an old man said, peering down at Adam.

“What happened?” he found himself asking, head throbbing.

Another face, one that was vaguely familiar, entered his line of sight. “I spritzed you and you passed out.”

Adam groaned quietly as he moved to sit up, the security guard, the employee, and the old man all reaching out to help him to his feet. As Adam stood, he realized that the man wasn’t old, well, he must not have been more than a few years older than Adam himself. It was his hair that betrayed his age, a blond so platinum it looked white. He had an odd-looking scar across one cheek and bright green eyes. “Oh, you’re not old,” Adam said without thinking.

The guy laughed good naturedly. “Thanks. I think.”

“I just mean—” the exclamation made Adam wince in pain.

“You okay?” the security guard asked. “I think you might have a concussion.”

“I’m fine.” This wasn’t a lie, beside the slight twinge at the back of his head where he must have made contact with the floor, Adam felt great. He grabbed his bags and adjusted his coat. “And I’ve had concussions before, I know what they feel like.” Well, Adam had not meant to say that out loud. But it was too late now. “Anyway, I should go. Thanks,” he smiled tightly at the group gathered around him before shouldering his way to the door.

He had a little ways to walk to get to Gallery Place where he could catch the Green Line to the Waterfront station. While he waited on the platform for his train to arrive, Adam’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Taking it out, he saw a message from an unknown number

**+14348892370**  
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

Adam’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, thinking of a reply. He had just passed out and hit his head, an easy out for the date. No hard feelings. He could probably get out of dinner at Blue and Gansey’s—

Then Adam thought of how disappointed Blue would be if he skipped out on his date. And dinner. She was only trying to help. He sighed and replied quickly.

_Yeah, that works for me._

**+14348892370**  
_Cool._

That was the only reply, and Adam felt himself roll his eyes before pocketing the phone as his train rolled into the station. Adam didn’t bother saving the number in his phone.

He still had not gotten any sort of reply from Jackie as he got back to his apartment. It was starting to worry him, especially considering how much he paid for the stupid scarf. But it was too late to go back now.

Adam walked the few blocks to his apartment, hands tucked into his pockets. He had been better about keeping the cold from ruining his hands unlike he had when he was growing up. Adam could still feel the phantom pain of cracked knuckled and chapped skin that he would lick for a few seconds of relief, a habit that he had kept up for much too long after his father had told him it would only make it worse with his fists.

Adam was so lost in thought about his dry hands that he ran into a severe looking guy in a suit, his arms full of white Christmas lights. He shot Adam a hopeless look that seemed so incongruent with his slicked back hair and tailored suit. “Sorry,” Adam breathed stepping to one side and hurrying to his apartment.

When he arrived at his apartment, a faux-historic looking apartment complex, he ducked inside to the warmth of the lobby. Adam had moved here almost a year ago, and while he was initially put off by the gimmicky façade (everyone in D.C. wanted to live in a historic building, someplace that they could imagine a founding father living. Adam had no time for delusions of grandeur), but he was enraptured by the amenities. A heated pool, rooftop patio space with a fire pit, state of the art gym, and best of all, soundproofed windows in every unit. You didn’t understand just how much noise there was in the city until you couldn’t hear it.

Sadly, today was not a day that Adam could celebrate his apartment building, seeing as the elevator was out of order. Adam cursed himself that he had picked an apartment on the eighth floor. 

With a heavy sigh, Adam took to the stairs, thankful that he took advantage of the gym on the regular basis, so that he wasn’t embarrassingly out of breath when he got to his door. There was still enough time for him to shower before he had to leave, and thanks to the stairs, Adam definitely needed to shower before his date.

Dropping his bags at his door to rifle through his pockets for his keys, Adam was started by the sound of his neighbor’s door opening and his cheerful greeting. “Hello, neighbor!” Adam jumped and turned, finding his spiky-haired neighbor smiling at him broadly. “Those stairs are killer, huh?”

Adam had just enough breath to reply, “uh-huh.”

His terse response didn’t seem to bother his neighbor; his smile didn’t falter. “The super said it should be fixed by Christmas, but I don’t trust that woman as far as I could throw her.” Adam didn’t reply to this obvious joke. “Anyways, this is for you,” he held out a cellophane wrapped package. “It’s a spice cake.”

“Oh, you don’t have to—” Adam started to protest, but the guy didn’t back down.

“It’s a neighborly gift. Merry Christmas!”

“Well, thank you.” Adam finally go this door open. “But I really need to go.” He picked up his bags and shuffled into his apartment.

“Big Christmas Eve plans?” he asked, brown eyes sparkling.

“More like obligations.”

“Oh, well have a good night.”

“Mhm.”

Adam angled the door closed just as his neighbor called out one last “merry Christmas!” through the door. Adam threw his things down on the couch as he rushed off to his room to shower and change. He pulled out his nicest pair of jeans and a soft, but festive, red sweater. Jackie had always complemented him on the sweater, saying it brought out the blue of his eyes. Adam wasn’t quite sure how that worked, but he wasn’t going to question it now. Not when he needed the sweater to remind Jackie of everything Adam brought to the table as a partner.

He was out the door by 4:45, arriving at Nick’s Bar at 5:00 sharp. As he walked in, he almost rolled his eyes at the sound of Christmas music being played over the speakers. At least it would be the last day he would have to endure this. As he weaved through the tables, a blond guy in a blue checkered shirt caught his eye. He was smiling broadly as he said, “Mark?”

“Oh, no.” Adam shook his head, an apology ready on his tongue as someone interrupted him.

“Adam?” a gruff voice said from behind the blond guy. When Adam looked over at him, he wasn’t quite sure what to think. He was dressed in all black, the color contrasting nicely with the pale of his skin. And his head was shaved, just an expanse of black stubble spread across his skull. And his eyes. They were a mesmerizing light blue, almost clear; like Adam could see right through them.

“Ronan?” Adam asked in return, somehow, in an event of divine interference.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” They hugged, briefly. Awkwardly. When Adam pulled away Ronan was looking at him strangely.

“What?” Adam asked. Defensive.

“Nothing. You just smell good.” Ronan colored, cheeks flashing red. “Like honey.”

Adam scoffed dismissively. “Honey doesn’t have a smell.”

“Right.” Ronan regarded him for a moment and then cleared his throat. “Here, sit,” he gestured to the empty seat.

Adam followed Ronan’s hand, settling in his seat, laying his coat across the back of his seat, and studying the man across from him. “Merry Christmas,” Adam said lamely.

Ronan snorted. “Thanks Parrish, you too.” There was an awkward beat. “I ordered you a beer, I hope that’s okay.”

“Oh. I don’t like beer,” Adam half-lied.

Ronan regarded him for a moment. “They have some really good ones here. Seasonal microbrews.”

A server came by their table, two pints of amber liquids balanced on a tray. She set one down in front of Ronan, and she was about to do the same to Adam when he said, “can I get a gin and tonic instead?”

The server nodded, putting the drink back on her tray. “You can leave the beer,” Ronan said to the server. “C’mon, Parrish. Live a little.”

Adam turned to look at the server, her expression hesitant. “I really don’t like beer; but thank you. I’ll have a gin and tonic.” At last, the server scurried away, and Adam reluctantly turned back to Ronan.

“So, what is it you do?” Ronan asked after a few tense beats.

“I’m a lawyer at the ACLU. That’s how I met Blue.”

“Right,” Ronan nodded. “I forgot about that.”

“What about you?” Adam glanced down at his phone on the table. It was only 5:03. He wondered how long drinks could respectfully last before they inevitably split an Uber to get to Gansey and Blue’s place. But if Jackie called him, he would have to head the opposite direction to Hill East to her apartment. Adam wasn’t quite sure how he would bring that up to Ronan, but he thought it best that they cross that bridge when they came to it.

“—a fighter pilot. And I’m a professional hockey player.”

At that, Adam looked up. He had dated (okay, he had repeatedly hooked up with) a guy at Harvard on the hockey team and he still had a thing for them. Hockey butt was the real deal—

“You’re a professional hockey player? Blue hadn’t mentioned that.”

Ronan laughed humorlessly, taking a long pull of his beer. “No, but it was obvious you weren’t listening.”

“Oh,” Adam flushed. “Sorry.”

“I do play for the Alexandria Senior League. We’re undefeated so far this season.”

“Really?” Adam inclined his head thoughtfully. “You guys must be really good.”

“Nah,” Ronan smiled sharply. “The other teams just really suck.”

Adam laughed, taking in the edges of Ronan’s smile. He really was attractive. And disarmingly funny. He could see why Gansey and Blue liked him so much.

“So what’s happing on your phone that’s got you so distracted?

“I’m just waiting for a phone call from someone, and—oh! Speak of the devil.” Jackie’s photo, her author headshot, smiled up at him. He answered the call immediately. “Hey, Jackie.”

“Adam. Merry Christmas.”

“You too,” Adam felt himself beaming. “You got my call.”

There was a breathy laugh from the other end that warmed Adam to the core. “Yeah, and it would be great if you could take Max.”

“I would love to. I love that little guy.”

“Awesome. Thank you, Adam. Anyway, I’m about to leave, any chance you could come here and pick him up?”

Adam stood, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair. “Yeah, of course. I’m only a few blocks away. I’ll see you in a bit.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. When he looked over at Ronan, there was an intensity to his gaze. “Listen, I—”

“I get it.”

“Oh,” Adam wasn’t sure what emotion was bubbling up inside himself. Remorse? Guilt? He wanted to be able to explain himself. At that moment, the server returned with his gin and tonic. “Um,” Adam looked down at the drink and then up at Ronan. “Let me pay for my drink. Drinks,” he reached for his wallet, but Ronan stopped him again.

“Just go, I’ll pay for them.”

“Are you sure?” Ronan didn’t verbally respond, just waved his hand non-commitally. “Well, thanks. I’ll see you at Gansey and Blue’s?” Ronan just grunted and took a long sip of his beer. Adam gathered his things and swept out of the bar.

When he arrived at Jackie’s apartment, she was waiting outside for him. The back of her SUV was open, and she looked as if she were packing it up, there were suitcases and bags of presents.

“Adam!” she smiled at him warmly.

“Jackie, hi.” He came over to hug her, pressing a chaste kiss to her warm cheek. Stepping back, he took her in. She was a sight for sore eyes, and the warmth of familiarity pooled in Adam’s chest. Her dark hair and green eyes had always mesmerized him, and her naturally tan cheeks were tinged pink with the cold. “You look great.”

“Thanks,” her smile angled wider. “You too.”

“Should we go inside to get Max?” he asked, tone light. Maybe he could invite himself to a drink, and they could get to talking. It could work. He could have her back tonight—

“Oh, no. Nate is bringing him down with the rest of our stuff.” She waved him off, but still smiling brightly.

“Nate?” Adam started, voice dying in his throat as the front door to Jackie’s building opened and a man stepped out. He was tall and broad, built like a football player, with carefully tousled hair and a smattering of dark stubble across his jaw.

“Babe, where’s Ad—Oh!” he exclaimed as he saw Adam. Max started pulling on his leash, yapping excitedly. “You must be Adam. I’m Nate.” He held out his hand for Adam to shake. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Adam took his hand wordlessly.

Max was still yipping and tugging on his leash, the sound overwhelming Adam slightly. The problem with being bi, Adam had learned over the years, was that it was sometimes impossible to tell if when he met a man if he wanted to _be_ him or be _with_ him. It had caused him quite a lot of confusion during his undergrad, competitive streaks with his classmates that were only resolved by making out in the stacks during finals week, and hook ups with guys in his building where he realized he liked them more with their clothes on than off.

Adam took a moment to try to place his feelings looking at Nate, if the burning under his skin was jealousy or attraction. Nate glanced at Jackie sidelong, hand dropping to his side.

Jealousy. Definitely jealousy.

“I’ve heard nothing about you,” Adam said in response.

Jackie laughed uncomfortably, “we dated in high school,” she clarified, looking between them. “And we saw each other again at the reunion—”

“Right. Of course. High school sweethearts. That always goes well.” There was a lack of response from Nate and Jackie, and Adam felt the hot flush of shame sweep over him. He dropped to one knee and reached out to pet Max. “Hey, buddy. I missed you.” He looked up at Nate, who was watching him reproachfully. “I’ll take him,” Adam held out a hand and Nate passed over Max’s leash. Adam watched Nate put one last bag of presents in the trunk of Jackie’s car and close the trunk. “You guys going to the lake house tonight?” he asked Jackie, Max licking his hand.

“Yeah. My parents are already up there.”

Last Christmas, Adam had been the one packing up Jackie’s car, driving her to her parent’s lake house in the Shenandoah Valley. He couldn’t believe how quickly she had moved on. “Great,” Adam finally stood, his legs were embarrassingly shaky. “Well, I’ll let you guys get out of here. Drive safe,” Adam turned and walked away.

“Wait!” Jackie called. Adam stopped and looked back. She was holding out one of those reusable shopping bags. “Here’s food for him,” she handed the bag over.

“Right.”

“Merry Christmas, Adam.” She squeezed his arm before hurrying back to her car. Adam watched as Nate pulled away from the curb and drove off. They stood there for far too long before Max barked at him inquisitively. “Oh, sorry.” He knelt down to lift Max up, not wanting him to get too cold. He ordered an Uber with one hand, staring out the window of the car as they wove through the D.C. streets to Georgetown.

Gansey was in his second an associate professor of History, tenure-track, darling of the department. He and Blue moved into their off-campus townhouse a few months ago, the perfect mix of Blue’s eclectic taste and Gansey’s screwball professor aesthetic.

“C’mon Max,” Adam gave the leash a gentle tug, Max following him up the stairs obediently. He was a good dog, some sort of mutt that Jackie had fallen in love with at the local shelter. Max was easily trained and adorably affectionate. When they had broken up, Adam had considered getting another dog to keep him company, but he couldn’t bear another furry friend that wasn’t Max. He was smitten with the pup.

Adam let himself inside the house, he was a frequent enough visitor that he felt as if Gansey and Blue’s home was his own sometimes. It definitely _felt_ homier than his apartment, that was for sure.

“Hello?” he called out into the house. There was Christmas music playing somewhere, and the sound of rustling coming from the kitchen. Adam kicked off his shoes and let Max off of his leash, dropping his bags at the door before he went looking for Blue.

“Adam,” she smiled cheerily as he entered the kitchen. “What the—” she yelped as Max scurried over to her, jumping up excitedly. “Where’s Ronan?”

“Uh,” Adam started. He had assumed that Ronan would beat him here.

“Jane?” Gansey called from the other room. “That was Ronan, he just said that Adam ditched him on their—Oh. Adam.”

Gansey and Adam were standing on opposite sides of the kitchen, Blue standing in the middle. The only sounds were the dulcet tones of Bing Crosby and the jangling of Max’s collar. After a moment, Blue said, “what the hell happened, Adam?”

“Look, Jackie called, and she needed me to get Max—”

“Bullshit!” Blue exclaimed. “You definitely didn’t need to ditch Ronan on your date.”

“The date that I didn’t even know I was going on until after I called Jackie?” Adam shot back.

Blue sputtered and turned away, catching Gansey’s surprised expression. “Okay, it seems like maybe there was some miscommunication about this evening.”

“Is Ronan on his way?” Adam asked at last. “I can explain to him why I left.”

“No,” Gansey sidled up next to Blue at the counter. “He said he was gonna head back to the Barns.” He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “God, he just moved to the city and I still barely see him. I thought this was a good idea. I was obviously very wrong.”

“Oh.” Adam looked down at Max, his fluffy white tail wagging. “Gansey, I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay, Adam. I just wish you would give him a chance.” Gansey’s accusation hung in the air between them. “Helen’s calling. Is dinner almost ready?” he asked Blue.

“Fifteen minutes, so take your time. I’ll make sure it stays warm.” Gansey smiled and slipped out of the room, his voice following behind him. Blue looked at him, expression hesitant. “C’mon, I need a drink.”

She led them into the living room drinks in hand, Adam dropping on the cognac leather couch, Max jumping up to sit in his lap, and settled in the armchair across from him. “Look, I know I shouldn’t have just ditched Ronan, but she called and needed me to pick up Max because she’s going up to her parents’ lake house with her new boyfriend.”

“Oh, Adam.” Blue set aside her gin and tonic. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just that.” He swirled his drink with one hand and pet Max with the other. “That was me. Just last year. I’m not surprised she’s dating, she amazing and she deserves happiness. But she moved on so quickly.” Adam took a swig, downing about half of his G&T. “We were together for _two years_ , and she’s moved on with her new boyfriend like it was nothing. Whatever, it’s stupid. I’m being stupid.”

Blue stood and crossed the living room, settling next to Adam on the couch. “It wasn’t nothing, okay? And you’re not being stupid. You guys were together for a long time, and it’s okay to be upset that she moved on so quickly. But Adam?” he looked up. “This is also an excuse to move on. You don’t have to hold on this relationship forever.”

“I still love her.”

Blue just sighed and patted his hand. “You want another G&T?”

***

Adam got home, Max in tow, at around eleven o’clock. He showered again, less because he needed it and more because he wanted to stand under the spray of hot water and sulk. Max was curled up on top of his duvet when Adam padded back into his bedroom, dressed in sweats and a ratty Harvard t-shirt.

The spice cake his neighbor gave him was sitting on his bedside table, Adam pulling it into his lap as he settled into bed. Some baking show was playing on mute on his television, the crinkling of the cellophane alerting Max to the fact that Adam had food.

“No,” Adam said before tearing a piece of the cake off and popping it into his mouth. It was delicious. Sweet, but perfectly balanced by nutmeg and cinnamon and… was that cardamom? It was _incredible_. “Holy shit.” Max snuffed impatiently and Adam rolled his eyes. “Not for you,” he cooed, patting the pup with his free hand.

He ate almost half the spice cake, and the only reason he stopped was because he wanted to eat the rest for breakfast. Adam put the cake on his bedside table and turned the tv off just a few minutes before midnight. “Merry Christmas, Max.” He scratched Max behind his ears and succumbed to sleep, thankful that this day was finally over.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“What the hell?” Adam asked out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I love made for TV Christmas movies in general, but I love _The Twelve Dates of Christmas_ in particular. It's on Disney+ if you wanna watch it, or you can just bear with me, it's gonna be good. 
> 
> (And if you don't celebrate Christmas, stay along for the ride! I promise to tease Ronan for his blind Catholicism as much as I can!)
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	2. Two Turtle Doves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the second day of Christmas, Adam is a dick.

“What the hell?”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“That was yesterday.”

The old man who wasn’t old helped Adam up again. “Has this happened to you before?”

“Yes. Yesterday, and all of you were there…” Adam looked between the three of them, confusion evident on his face. “I’m sorry. I need to go.” He pushed out of the circle of bodies, ignoring the _sir!_ called behind him.

He stepped out of the store and hurried over to his train station, dialing Blue as he went. She answered after a few rings. “Adam?” she asked, voice concerned. “Are you okay?”

“What day is it?” he asked, frantic.

“What day is it? December 24th? Christmas Eve?”

“Still?”

“ _Still_?” Blue asked, voice rising.

“Again?”

“What the fuck is going on Adam?”

Adam glanced around the metro station. “I think yesterday, today? I had a terrible dream. Probably when I hit my head. Anyway, I gotta go, my train is coming.”

“Adam—” he hung up on her and stepped onto the arriving Green Line. He scoured his phone on the train, all signs pointing to today being Christmas Eve still. Again. He got off at the Waterfront station, his phone buzzing with a text message.

**+14348892370**   
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

Adam blinked down at his phone. His dream was eerily accurate, and it was starting to scare him.

_Yeah, that works for me._

**+14348892370  
 _Cool._**

As he rounded his street, he saw the guy with the Christmas lights again, this time he was joined by a dark-skinned girl, her curly hair flying in the wind. She looked bored and little pissed off at the dude who was now fighting with the lights, swearing viciously. It was comforting to see a new development, something different from his dream, never mind that he got the earlier train—

Adam narrowly avoided colliding with the man again and ducked his head against the cold as he made his way to his building. Once he was inside, Adam stopped in front of the elevator, the same _Out of Order_ sign plastered to the doors. It was exactly as he remembered it from his dream. With a sigh, Adam turned on one foot and started up the stairs.

As he tried to open his door, his spiky-haired neighbor appeared at his side. “Hello, neighbor!” Adam’s sense of déjà vu was dizzying, his neighbor was holding a cellophane wrapped spice cake. What the _hell_ was _happening_? “Those stairs are killer, huh?”

Adam nodded dazedly, “uh-huh.”

His neighbor continued to smile brightly at Adam. “The super said it should be fixed by Christmas, but I don’t trust that woman as far as I could throw her.” There was a tense beat. “Anyways, this is for you. It’s a—"

“Spice cake. I know. Thanks.” Adam took it, uncertain. This was all so _weird_. “I need to go…”

“Right,” his neighbor somehow smiled even brighter. “Merry Christmas!”

“You too,” Adam shouldered his door open and stepped inside. The door closed soundly behind him, and Adam leaned against it for a few moments, breaths heaving.

Adam didn’t know what to do, what to think. He wasn’t sure what was real and what was a dream. His head was starting to hurt, thinking about it. Or maybe, that too, was a side-effect of hitting his head.

But. _But_. What if this was a second chance to get Jackie back? This was an opportunity he was not willing to give up on.

So Adam showered, using the fancy sandalwood body wash Jackie had given him and put on the dark gray suit she had liked so much. He decided not to wear a tie, leaving a few extra buttons undone. Sex sells, as cliché as it sounded.

He was out the door by 4:45, walking to Nick’s with his hands tucked into the pocket of his black peacoat, arriving at the bar at 5:00 sharp. He strode straight past the blond straightening up and saying _Mark?_ and stood in front of his severe looking date.

“Ronan?”

“Yeah. You must be Adam.” Before he could go in for a hug, Adam held one hand out. Better to keep his expectations in check.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Adam placed his coat over the back of his chair and settled into his seat.

“You too, I ordered you a beer.”

“I don’t drink beer, actually.” Adam said it this time with confidence. No room for argument. “At all. Ever.”

“Oh,” was Ronan’s only reply. The server arrived then, two beers balanced on a tray. “Do you want something else?”

“No, I can’t stay long.” Adam glanced down at his phone, checking the time. It was only 5:02, it was going to be a few more minutes before Jackie called

“Is there somewhere more important you have to be?” Ronan asked, defensive.

“What?” Adam looked up. “Like _you_ want to be on a blind date on Christmas Eve?”

Ronan’s dark brows furrowed, blue eyes narrowing. “I think it’s less about wanting to be on a blind date and more about being willing to give the fucking date a chance. Christ, Parrish.”

There was a hot flush of shame burning through Adam, but his first instinct was to go on the defensive. “Oh, whatever, Ronan. And another thing—”

“—God, you’re just as stubborn as my husband—”

“You’re _married_?” Adam blanched.

Ronan blushed furiously. “Who are you meeting?”

“My girlfriend,” Adam huffed indignantly.

“Blue didn’t say anything about you being straight,” Ronan replied, expression closed off.

“Well, Gansey didn’t say anything about you being married. And, I’m not straight, I’m bi. Even when I’m in a straight relationship, I’m bi.” Adam stood and pulled his coat on. “I’m leaving.” He looked Ronan up and down, his shoulders drawn up to his ears, fuming in anger. “At least Gansey won’t blame _me_ this time” he grumbled.

“What? You do this a lot?” Ronan leveled him with a cutting look, like this was a real insult.

“Apparently only with you,” Adam turned on one heel, marching out of the bar as his phone began to ring.

He agreed to meet Jackie at her place, and Adam took an Uber in hopes of getting more time with her. She was waiting outside the building, just like she had in the dream. Adam slipped out the car, thanking the driver on his way, before walking up to Jackie. She was just as beautiful as he remembered, wearing the same red coat she had been wearing in his dream.

“Jackie,” he said, getting her attention.

“Adam!” she smiled, pulling him in for a tight hug. “Oh,” she pulled back just enough to look him up and down. Her approving gaze felt nice. “You look great. I’ve always loved this suit on you.”

“I know. I remembered.”

Jackie smiled at him warmly, squeezing his biceps tightly. “How are you, how is work?”

“I’m good, work is good. But how are you? I miss you.”

Something in Adam’s tone must have given him away, because Jackie’s smile fell. “Adam, I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but there’s something you should know.”

“About Nate? I know.”

“How?” she cocked her head to one side.

“Um,” Adam paused. He couldn’t say that he had some sort of clairvoyant dream where he saw Jackie and Nate together. “Social media. You know.”

“Right,” Jackie smiled wryly. “I know it seems kind of fast, but he was my first love. And I guess if you’re here…” she pulled off one glove. Her left glove. Adam watched the movement in slow motion. He knew what was happening, and he didn’t need to see the ring for realization to dawn on him. That didn’t stop Jackie, however, showing off the diamond ring.

“Wow,” he said, voice tight. “Jackie. That’s great.”

The door to the building opened and Nate stepped out, arms full of bags. He didn’t have Max with him yet. “Babe, will you help me with these bags? Oh, Adam?”

“Here,” Jackie turned and took the nags from Nate, loading them into her car.

“Hi, I’m Nate. I’ve heard so much about you,” Nate held out one hand for Adam to take.

Adam was still caught off guard by how attractive Nate was. A less jealous and upset Adam would probably congratulate Jackie on quite a find. But he was not a less jealous and upset version of himself. He was, in fact, a more jealous and upset version of himself. But he wasn’t going to let that show.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Nate.” Adam took his hand, shaking it coolly.

“Let me go get, Max. You’re a lifesaver for taking him. You know how allergic Jackie’s mom is.”

“Yeah. Yup. I do know that.” Adam was definitely starting to lose his cool. Nate smiled at him kindly, somehow more attractive when he did so, before retreating inside.

“He seems,” Adam started, turning back to Jackie.

“He’s really great. I think you two would get along.”

They stood there, facing each other for a few moments, Adam’s heart constricting tighter and tighter in his chest. He just wanted this day to be over with. “Look, I’m sure he is great. And I’ll ever wanted was for you to be happy, Jackie. But the last thing I want to do is hang out with the fiancée of the woman I’m in love with.”

“Adam—” she started. Just then, the door opened again, and Nate strode out with Max and the bag with Max’s food.

“Let me take him,” Adam said quickly, Max tugging on his leash to get closer to him. He knelt down to pick up the excitable pup, Max’s cold tongue darting out to lick him under his chin. “You two have a great time,” he took the bag from Nate. “Merry Christmas.”

Adam turned and stalked away, ignoring Nate and Jackie’s reply behind him. He didn’t go far before stopping, the tears streaming form his eyes stinging in the cold. He called for an Uber and waited against the window of a sandwich shop, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.

Once he was in the car, he called Blue.

“Adam!” she said, sounding relieved, “I’ve tried to get in touch with you for hours, what the hell happ—”

“I’m not coming tonight,” he sniffed. He knew that Blue would know that he was crying.

“Oh, Adam. What happened? Did Ronan—”

“No. Not him. I went by Jackie’s to pick up Max,” Adam could hear Blue start to protest, but he continued on. “And she’s engaged, Blue. She’s getting _married_.” He let out another sob. Thankfully the Uber driver didn’t say anything, Adam was going to have to give them a five-star review.

“To who?”

“Nate. Her football player boyfriend.”

“She’s engaged to a football player?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know what he does, but she thought that we would get along.” He wiped at his face again, Max burrowing into his side fin comfort. “Ugh, I hate this.”

“She wanted you two to hang out? That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah, whatever. I told her that I didn’t want to be friends with him. It was a whole thing.”

Blue paused, thinking. “Well, that’s really awful, Adam. I know you still have feelings for her, so that must have been really hard.”

“Yeah. It was. Is.”

There was another tense pause. “How was your date with Ronan?”

Another wave of anger crashed over him. “Why didn’t you tell me he was _married_?”

Blue sputtered and coughed. After she caught her breath she said, “he’s not. Well, not anymore. Laurie died over a year ago.”

Oh. _Oh_.

_What the fuck have you done, Adam?_

“Oh,” Adam said lamely. “I didn’t know.”

“He asked us not to say anything. I think this is the first date he’s gone on since—”

 _Fuck_ , Adam thought. It turns out that he was the asshole.

“Okay, okay. I get it. I fucked up.”

Blue sighed. “No, I think that’s on us. I don’t think either of you are ready to start dating again. Gansey just had this dumb idea—”

“Where your two best friends date each other?”

“Yeah. But whatever. As long as you two can get along, I’m sure Gansey will be over the moon.”

“I doubt that’s possible,” Adam murmured just at the driver pulled up to his apartment. He moved to get out, thanking him and wishing him _happy holidays_. “Look, Blue. Can you tell him that I’m sorry? For what I said, and for leaving him at Nick’s. I would do it in person—”

“It’s okay. But yeah, I’ll let him know you’re sorry. But are you sure you should be alone tonight?”

“Yeah. I think I just need a few hours to myself. But I’ll be there for lunch tomorrow.” _As long as this nightmare of a day is finally over_ , he thought.

“Alright. I love you. Merry Christmas.”

“Love you, too.”

They hung up, and Adam brought Max up the stairs. He hoped that in all the chaos that Jackie didn’t have time to walk Max today and that the eight floors they had to trek up wouldn’t tire him out too much.

Once they were inside, Adam fed Max dinner and took a hot shower. Afterwards, he crawled into bed with the spice cake, it was just as delicious in real life as it was in his dream. He fell asleep long before midnight.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, and a not so fun one, so I thought I'd upload it today as well. Sorry (not sorry) for the angst. What can I say? I love the conflict!
> 
> I'll upload chapter three tomorrow, it's got just as much fluff as it does angst, so be on the look out for that. I'm glad you guys are liking it so far!
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	3. Three French Hens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the third day of Christmas, Henry bakes some cake.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

Adam sat up, the back of his head throbbing where he hit it. The deceptively old looking man helped him up. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. I need to leave. Merry Christmas.” He turned and stalked away.

Adam didn’t bother calling Blue, he didn’t want to worry her again. Not when he couldn’t explain to her what was going on.

He had been so careful not to need people, not to rely on them too much. Adam was totally capable of taking care of himself, the reason he had people in his life was because he _wanted_ them. But he couldn’t figure this out on his own, and there wasn’t anyone he thought could help him.

In the end, Adam went to Urgent Care. The waiting room was, thankfully, quite empty, but he still had to wait a long time see a doctor. He wasn’t quite sure how to fill out the intake forms, so he just said that he hit his head and hoped that the doctor would hear him out.

The nurse checked his vitals, commenting that he didn’t have any sign of a concussion, but she was going to send the doctor in regardless.

“Mr. Parrish? A voice said from the door a few minutes later. “I’m Dr. Holtz,” a tall woman with kind brown eyes walked into his room. She held out a hand for him to shake. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I think I have a brain tumor.”

Dr. Holtz was obviously trying not to laugh. “A brain tumor? Why is that?”

“I keep reliving the same day over and over again.”

“I don’t understand,” her expression turned thoughtful.

“I keep relieving today. Christmas Eve. It’s like a broken record. I get in bed and I’m watching TV and then all of a sudden I wake up in the fragrance department at Macy’s and the security guard asks if I’m okay, and there’s this guy who looks older than he is even though he dresses like a teenager, and there’s this lady who says _I spritzed you and you passed out_ , and… I have to keep reliving this awful blind date and meeting Jackie’s new boyfriend. No, _fiancée_. Over and over again.”

Dr. Holtz watched Adam carefully, held tilted to one side after a moment, she said, “Mr. Parrish, I don’t think you have a brain tumor.”

“You _don’t_?” Adam sounded hysterical to his own ears.

“No,” she put his chart to one side. “I think you’re experiencing some typical holiday anxiety—”

“Nothing about this is _typical_ —”

“I think your subconscious is trying to tell you that something in your life needs to change. And if you don’t change it, you’ll feel like you’re reliving the same day over and over again.” She paused; lips pursed. “Are you the kind of person who likes to plan every last little detail of your life?”

Adam couldn’t meet her eyes. “No.”

She laughed lightly. “Well, if you _were_ that kind of person, you might feel a sense of anxiety as things start changing around you. What’s the one thing in life you wish you could change?”

“I want Jackie back.”

Dr. Holtz sighed and stood. “Back isn’t change.”

Adam let that wash over him as Dr. Holtz turned away, grabbing a prescription pad off the counter. “Look, I’m going to give you a prescription for an anti-anxiety medicine. Just two weeks’ worth, enough to get you through the new year. If this continues, I would suggest getting some professional help.” She ripped the scrip off her pad and handed it to him. “There’s nothing wrong with going to therapy.”

Adam didn’t want to say that he _did_ go to therapy, but anxiety had never been the topic of discussion in his sessions with Dr. Choi. “And you’re sure if I take this that I will wake up Christmas morning?”

Dr. Holtz held open the door as Adam grabbed his things, smiling kindly at him. “I guarantee it.”

***

Adam was only a few blocks from Nick’s as he stepped out of Urgent Care, and he needed a drink. He slipped off his coat as he stepped inside, the sound of Christmas music making him roll his eyes.

The blond in his checkered shirt was sitting at his table, he looked up at Adam hopefully as he walked in the door. “Mark?” he asked, standing.

“What’s your name?” Adam found himself asking.

His blond eyebrows furrowed. “Tad?”

“Right. I’m Adam, not Mark. Sorry.”

“Oh. Me too,” Tad sat back down, and Adam made his way to the bar.

There was an empty seat next to a familiar looking shaved head—

 _Well, fuck_.

Adam realized then that Ronan wouldn’t recognize him, and he was under no obligation to introduce himself. He was truly surprised to find that Ronan arrived an hour early to their date. It was kind of sweet, actually.

“This seat taken?” Adam asked suddenly.

 _What the hell are you doing, Parrish?_ he asked himself.

Ronan looked up, his expression going from guarded to open in a matter of milliseconds. Adam recognized that same look from the first time they met, something softening in Ronan’s icy blue eyes. “No, it’s all yours.”

“Thanks.” Adam placed his coat on the back of the chair and sat down. Ronan had a mostly full beer sitting in front of him, as Adam settled in his seat a bartender slipped him a basket of mozzarella sticks. “Hungry?” he asked.

Ronan laughed, a low, warm thing. “No, not really.”

“You filling up for a date?” his tone gave away his genuine curiosity, but Ronan just laughed again. A full laugh, eyes sparkling.

“How’d you know?”

“You didn’t invent that trick,” Adam found himself laughing before catching the eye of the bartender. “Can I get a gin and tonic?” The bartender nodded and turned away. “You mind if I join you?” he asked Ronan. The other man looked back at him, confusion evident in the furrow of his dark brows. “In the fried cheese, not your date.” Adam laughed at his own private joke.

“Oh, sure.” Ronan pushed the basket closer to him, and Adam took one of the mozzarella sticks and bit into it.

“So, who’re you meeting?”

“Uh,” Ronan swirled his beer. “It’s my best friend’s wife’s best friend. I guess she’s my friend too, or whatever. The wife,” Ronan clarified, looked up at Adam quickly and then back down at his beer. “Not my date. The date is a dude. Guy. Man? Whatever. I haven’t met him.”

Adam found himself smiling at Ronan’s sputtering. It was kind of adorable. “Blind date?”

“Yeah, the first in a very, very long time. I hear he’s amazing. Can’t cook for shit, though.”

“She _said_ that?”

“Yeah, but I’m more than capable in the kitchen. I think it was supposed to be a reason why we would be good together,” Ronan shrugged, glancing over at Adam, he asked, “you okay?”

The bartender had finally returned with his G&T, and Adam took a long sip. “Fine, fine.” He paused. “You cook?”

“Mhm, my husband could barely boil and egg, so someone had to pick up the slack.” He paused, took a sip of his beer. “My late husband, I should say.”

“I’m sorry—” Adam started.

“No, it’s alright. You don’t have to… whatever.”

Adam hated the way Ronan’s walls went up so quickly. “Do you mind if I ask how it happened?”

Ronan looked up at him. “No, I guess not. He had cancer. Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It’s been over a year.” Adam immediately regretted asking. “He made me promise to date again, to let myself fall in love when I was ready.”

“ _Are_ you ready?” Adam asked.

“I think so.” He glanced at Adam sidelong, carefully regarding him. “It’s hard to tell, somedays.”

“That’s a lot of baggage,” Adam joked.

Thankfully, Ronan found it funny, snorting and shaking his head. “No fucking kidding. Gansey and Blue say my date has his own shit he’s dealing with. They think we can help shoulder each other’s burdens or whatever the fuck.”

Adam liked this version of Ronan, the one not so worried about making a good impression. There was something about the way that he swore that was enchanting; when Ronan was comfortable, words seemed to come easily to him.

He wondered if there was some way he could tell Ronan to _just be himself_ that didn’t sound like some bullshit cliché. He took a sip of his drink. “It must be hard during the holidays.”

“Hence the desperate blind date.”

“You don’t seem desperate,” Adam smiled over his glass. “And you seem like a total catch. A hockey player who dresses well and can cook?—”

“How’d you know I play hockey?” Ronan asked, eyes narrowed.

Adam’s pulse picked up as he searched for something to say. “I don’t,” he settled on at last. “I didn’t. It was just a guess.” Ronan was still staring at him, unconvinced. “I have, like, a thing for hockey players, I guess. I can pick them out of a crowd.”

Ronan’s expression softened and he _blushed_. I was an amazing thing to see, and Adam felt the pride in achieving something difficult. He felt himself smile broadly for a moment before sighing. “I should go,” Adam said at last.

“So soon? It’s not often you bond with someone over fried cheese.”

“Yeah, I’m suddenly not hungry.” He stood and gathered his coat, placing a ten-dollar bill on the bar under his empty glass. “Listen, if your date doesn’t show up tonight, just know it’s not your fault. He might still have feelings for his ex and he’s trying to figure out if they can make a life together.” Ronan looked at him strangely. “Or maybe he had some bad shrimp at the office holiday party.”

Ronan took another sip of his beer. “Well, I’m Ronan, by the way.” He held out one hand to shake.

Adam took it, reveling in the rough warmth of Ronan’s hands and fingers. Ronan was looking down at their clasped hands, expression open. “I’m staying a mystery,” Adam said at last, dropping Ronan’s hand. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Ronan turned and followed Adam out of the bar with his gaze.

Adam walked to Jackie’s apartment, the sun setting and the sky turning a darker gray. Her car wasn’t parked in the loading zone outside of her apartment when he arrived, so Adam pulled out his phone to distract himself while he waited. There was a text from Ronan still he needed to reply to.

**+14348892370**   
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

_Actually, I just fell and hit my head at Macy’s, so I’m not going to make it._

After a moment, Adam added:

_I really am sorry. Merry Christmas, Ronan._

**+14348892370**   
_You too, Parrish._

A voice jerked Adam out of his stupor. “Adam?” It was Jackie. “I was about to call you, what are you doing here?”

“I want what you and Nate have.”

Jackie blanched, “how do you know about him?”

Adam waved her off. “It’s not important. What’s important is that I want what you two have with each other.”

Jackie smiled at him kindly, if not a little placatingly. “And you will, Adam. You just need to be open to new people. New experiences.”

Adam immediately thought of Ronan, with his sharp smile and hearty laugh. Thought of the press of his hand against Adam’s and the wash of pleasure he got in the way Ronan looked at him.

He shook the thought form his head. “Why can’t it be us?”

Jackie sighed, placing her hands on Adam’s shoulders. She was quite a few inches shorter than him, but she liked to wear heels, so they were eye to eye. “We were never in sync.” She said at last. “We were good together, sure, but we were never going to last, Adam.” Her face twisted in thought for a moment before she spoke again. “I didn’t want to be just a step in your ten-year plan.”

Adam felt himself shrink, shaking off Jackie’s hands. “What if I got rid of the plan?”

Jackie laughed lightly, “I think you should. But Adam? I love Nate. And I’m going to marry him.”

Adam looked at her. Really looked at her. Catalogued the brightness to her green eyes, the spring in her step. She was never that carelessly happy with him. They had good times together, _great_ times. But he wasn’t the one for her, he knew that now.

It dawned on him, suddenly, that if he wasn’t the one for her, that she wasn’t the one for him either.

 _Wow, Parrish_. He thought. _They let you into Harvard with those critical thinking skills?_

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Jackie said, still able to read his mind. “You’re still young. You’ve got time.”

Adam nodded before giving her a small smile. “Thank you, Jackie.”

She cocked her head to one side. “Why are you thanking me?”

“For the two years we had together. I don’t think you know how important they were for me. But it’s over now. _We’re_ over now.”

Jackie lunged at him, pulling him in for a tight hug. “Oh, just know I will always have a soft spot for you, Adam Parrish.” She pulled away. After a moment her face changed. “Are you still willing to take Max for the night?”

“Sure,” he smiled sincerely. “I miss that little dude.”

“Great!” she pulled out her phone. “I’ll let Nate know to bring him down. But I need to go get my car so we can pack it up.”

“Of course, I’ll wait right here.”

Jackie looked up. “Merry Christmas, Adam.” She hugged him one last time before dashing off.

***

He walked home with Max, carrying him most of the way. Once he got to his apartment, he texted Blue:

_Hey, I fell and hit my head at Macy’s so I’m not gonna make it tonight._

_I need bed rest, doctor’s orders._

Adam started up the stairs, ignoring the buzzing of his phone until he was at his floor.

 **Blue Sargent** _Ronan said something about that. Hope you feel better._

 **Blue Sargent** _You still coming over for lunch?_

_Yeah, let me know if there’s anything you want me to bring._

**Blue Sargent** _Will do._

Adam didn’t bother responding, going to open his door and noticing that his neighbor left his spice cake for him. Adam let Max inside, feeding him dinner, before walking back out of his apartment and knocking on his neighbor’s door.

He answered after a moment, Christmas music pouring out of his apartment. “Oh, hello!”

Adam smiled at him. “I wanted to say thank you for the cake, it’s amazing. I’d love the recipe.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I’m Adam, by the way.” He held out a hand to shake.

“Henry.” They shook. “Here,” he stepped back. “Come in. I could use a second pair of hands in the kitchen.”

“Oh, no.” Adam protested as Henry dragged him inside. “I’m a terrible cook.” Henry waved him off, leading them to his kitchen. “My best friend tells people she’s setting me up with just as much.” He was about to continue complaining about Blue when he got his first look at Henry’s apartment. “Oh, wow. This place is amazing.”

They had the same floor plan, but Henry’s apartment looked warm and inviting. Lived in. There was art everywhere, framed paintings and photos on the walls, small sculptures made of ceramic and plaster and glass across all the flat surfaces. It was decorated for Christmas as well, a huge tree decked in red and gold in the corner of the living room.

“Thank you,” Henry beamed. “I pride myself on three things, my bees, my baking, and my interior design.”

“Bees?”

Henry opened the oven, checking on one of his cakes. “I own a bee farm in the Shenandoah valley.”

“Oh my god,” Adam stared at him, mouth agape. “ _You_ own Henry’s Honey?”

“You know about us?” Henry asked, lighting up.

“Yes! My ex’s family has a lake house up there, we used to go all the time. I would buy your honey by the _case_. I love it.” Adam glanced around again. “Although, I didn’t think I bought that much honey. Maybe I have a problem.”

Henry laughed, pulling two cakes out of the oven and placing them on the counter to cool. “Henry’s Honey is just a passion project of mine. All of the profits are donated to environmental conservation efforts; you didn’t know that?” Adam shook his head. “It’s on every label.”

Adam shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. “I guess I can also be described as unobservant.”

“Well, you can work on that tonight. Let’s get started on another batch of batter.” Henry placed a bowl in front of him before rounding the island to get to the fridge. “Grab a spatula,” he gestured behind him, “and then you can cream together the butter and sugar.”

Adam turned to a jar full of cooking utensils, but he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for. When Henry turned back around, butter and eggs in hand, Adam was holding up no less than six cooking tools that he thought might be a spatula.

“Oh, you really are hopeless in the kitchen.” Henry took one of the utensils still in the jar on the counter. “Okay. Half a cup of sugar and half a cup of butter in this bowl.” He handed Adam the spatula. “You’re just going mix them together until it’s fully combined. Got it?”

Adam nodded, full of unearned confidence. “Got it.”

***

“So why do you make so many cakes?” Adam asked as Henry pulled the last of their bounty from the oven. It was getting late, it was almost 10:00.

“It started when I moved to D.C. years ago. I’m from Vancouver, and I could never make it back for the holidays. So I used to bake a bunch of cakes and mail them home, but you would not _believe_ how expensive the international postage is. But I liked baking, so now I bake for my neighbors and send my family pears in the mail.”

“Pears?” Adam asked, finishing up the last of the dishes, his only reliable skill in the kitchen.

“It’s Canada. In winter. They haven’t had fresh fruit in _months_.”

Adam laughed, wiping his hands on a tea towel. He surveyed the kitchen, cakes in little tin foil pans in various states of cooling. “Any chance you have an extra?” he asked Henry. The smell was all too overwhelming, Adam’s mouth was watering.

“Of course,” Henry smiled brightly. “And we can have one of the warm ones.”

Henry took one of the cakes Adam had made, it was a little wonky looking on top, which made it perfect for the two of them. They settled at the dining room table, Adam clearing a space amongst the wrapping supplies for them to sit.

“We’ve been at this for almost five hours and I still don’t know what you do,” Adam said as they sat.

“That’s because I hate talking about it.”

“Really? There are only a few positions in this town that I think would warrant that kind of secrecy.”

Henry sighed dramatically, cutting a slice of cake. “I’m a lobbyist.”

“And that’s one of them,” Adam joked.

Henry threw a ribbon at Adam, making him laugh openly. “I’ll have you know, I’m an _environmental_ lobbyist.”

Adam looked around the apartment. “And you can afford all of this?”

Henry huffed indignantly, passing Adam a slice of cake at last. It was still warm. “I’m independently wealthy.”

“There it is.” Adam took a bite of his cake. “Oh my god.” It was so good. “I can't believe it. I actually did a good job,” he said, in awe of himself.

“Yes you did,” Henry agreed. “But I know something that will take it to the next level.” Henry stood and walked off to the kitchen, returning a few moments later with an unlabeled glass jar. “Here, put a dollop of this on your cake. It will change your life.”

Adam did as instructed, it really did make a world of difference. “What is this?”

“We’ve been experimenting with alfalfa honey; I think it will complement the cake really well. It’s a little less sweet. Coming to a farmer’s market near you, spring 2020.” Henry smiled at him openly. “You can keep that jar for yourself. We like to let our major investors sample the product before it hits the market.”

Adam couldn’t help the rueful smile that spread across his face, he tipped his nose towards the open jar, breathing it in. “Huh, I guess honey _does_ have a smell.” He looked up at Henry. “How did you get into this?”

“I’ve always admired bees,” Henry said. And despite the absurdity of that statement, Adam didn’t laugh. Henry’s tone conveyed a real sense of sincerity. “Their work ethic, their group dynamics. They’re a misunderstood species.”

“I have a friend who’s deathly allergic to bees,” Adam said. “Like, he was stung by a bee as a kid and was legally pronounced dead for 4 minutes. But he doesn’t hold it against them. He truly believes that if he gets stung again, it’ll be his fault.”

Henry smiled at him brightly. “I think I’d like your friend.”

“I think he’d like you, too.”

***

Adam got back to his apartment a little after 10:30, showering off the thin layer of sugar that had settled on his skin. Max had settled in his bed while Adam put on his pajamas. He petted Max as he got comfortable in bed, the lights from the television casting strange shadows across the room as the clock approached midnight.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“This routine is getting kind of old; don’t you think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last you'll see of Jackie for a long time, but it's not all downhill from here because I. Love. Angst.
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	4. Four Calling Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the fourth day of Christmas, Jordan sings Mariah Carey

“This routine is getting kind of old; don’t you think?” Adam sat up and stood without help. The old/young man moved to hand Adam the bag with Jackie’s present with it, but he waved him off. “Keep it. Merry Christmas!”

Adam swept out of the store, he had time to kill before his date. Ronan hadn’t even texted him yet to confirm their location. Impatient as ever, Adam rushed home, wanting to be out of the cold as soon as possible. As he rounded his street, the man with the lights and the dark-skinned woman Adam assumed to be his girlfriend, were there. Checking his phone to see that Ronan still hadn’t texted him, he walked up to the girl.

“Can I ask what he’s doing?”

She glanced at him before rolling her eyes. “He makes me a snowflake out of lights every year.” Adam was surprised to find that she had an English accent.

Adam laughed, watching the man in the suit struggle with the Christmas lights and some sort of plastic frame shaped like a snowflake. “Not what you want for Christmas, I assume?”

“Nope. Not even close.” She watched her boyfriend for a moment before turning back to Adam. “I’m an artist, I think this is his attempt at…” she trailed off for a moment, shaking her head. “Something. I’m not quite sure.”

“He shouldn’t quit his day job,” Adam joked.

“I wish he would, actually.”

That surprised a laugh out of Adam, the girl smiling at the sound. “I’m Adam,” he held out a hand. “Parrish.”

“Jordan Hennessy.”

“I’ve seen you guys around the neighborhood before.”

She looked at him sidelong, “I’d say the same, but all you Washington blokes are identical to me. And that’s saying something. I’m a twin.”

Adam laughed again, there was something to be appreciated by her dark and cutting humor. It reminded him of Ronan. He surveyed the block; Nick’s was right across the street. “Well, it’s five o’clock somewhere, and I need a drink.” He jerked his head towards the bar. “Want to join me? Get out of the cold for a little while?”

Jordan regarded him carefully before tossing the box of zip ties she was holding towards her boyfriend before leading Adam away from his quote-unquote _masterpiece_. “C’mon, Adam Parrish. I need a pint.” Nick’s was playing _The Twelve Days of Christmas_ when they walked in, Jordan’s face twisting up in distaste. “I fucking hate this song.”

“Me too,” Adam sighed, nabbing them a table. They settled across form each other. “Though, it feels a little too on the nose for me right now.”

“What?” Jordan slipped off her charcoal gray coat and unwound the scarf around her neck. Adam had not expected a leather trimmed lace bustier and a sprawling neck tattoo to be hidden under all those layers, but who was he to judge? “You have a beau sending you domestic workers and various birds through the post?”

Adam snorted and shook his head. “No, thank god. But do you feel like the holidays won't ever end?”

Jordan shrugged noncommittally. “I guess. But there are some parts I do really like.”

“Like what?”

“Gingerbread lattes are pretty good,” Jordan smiled wolfishly as Adam laughed lightly.

A server came by and took their orders, Jordan getting a pint of Guinness, and Adam sticking with his usual G&T.

“Something else is bothering you,” Jordan said carefully, head tipped to one side.

“I’m having a conundrum.”

“Oh you white boys with your big-ass words. Just say what you mean in laymen’s terms for the rest of us,” Jordan gestured widely to the bar, not that anyone noticed them.

“There’s this guy—”

“There it is!” Jordan cheered. “Go on,” there server appeared on Adam’s good side, delivering their drinks.

“My best friend set us up. He’s her husband’s best friend. And no, I haven’t met him yet. Apparently, we’re both anti-social hermits. But, whatever. He’s _stupid_ hot. And funny. And a little mean, but in a good way. Like in a way that you know that he’s paying attention and is ready to call you out on your bullshit.”

“I thought you said that you haven’t met him?”

“Uh,” Adam floundered. “It’s complicated.”

Jordan just took a sip of her drink and shrugged. “Sure, whatever, mate.”

“But like, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. And I’m not sure if he’s the one I want to test the waters with. He seems like a really good guy, and I don’t want to hurt him when I inevitably fuck it all up.”

“First of all, nothing in life is inevitable. Trust me, I should know.” She took a long pull of her beer; the glass was less than half-full now. “Second of all, we need shots.”

“Yeah?” Adam asked.

“Excuse me,” Jordan got the attention of their server. “Can we get six shots of—Tequila?” she said this Adam. “You want tequila?”

“No,” Adam shook his head. “I had to stop drinking that shit in college.”

Jordan sighed. “Fine,” she turned back to the server. “Six shots of vodka? The middlest-shelf vodka you’ve got.” Their server nodded and made her way to the bar. “Thank you!”

Their shots arrived quickly, lined up in front of him, Adam was nervous. It just dawned on him that he was getting publicly drunk with a _stranger_. A stranger who was counting down—

“Three. Two. One. Down the hatch!” Jordan clinked her shot with Adam’s, downing it easily. Adam followed suit. The next two shots weren’t around for long.

As the alcohol warmed through Adam, he and Jordan chatted away. They talked about boys. And girls. And everyone in between. The good, the bad, and the ugly of their respective dating histories.

While Adam was regaling Jordan with his history of clandestine hockey player hook ups when he was in college, _All I Want for Christmas_ _is You_ started playing over the speakers. Jordan practically screamed at the opening notes. “I _love_ this song,” she said, getting to her feet.

“What the hell are you doing?” Adam asked, incredulous. Watching as Jordan began to sing along with Mariah Carey.

“C’mon,” she somehow tugged Adam to his feet, the alcohol making his limbs loose and pliant. Jordan pulled him under her arm, singing loudly and off key in his ear “ _I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come truuue. All I want for Christmas is… youuu._ ”

Adam could tell people were staring at them, but he couldn’t find it in him to give a single fuck about it. He joined in with Jordan’s off-key singing in bursts of lyrics as he remembered them. “ _Don’t care about the presents… the Christmas tree. I don’t… stocking. There up on the fireplace… I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you. You, baby!_ ”

Somehow, through the magic of Mariah Carey or alcohol or of Jordan Hennessey herself, the entire bar was singing and dancing. Jordan valiantly tried to hit the high note near the end of the song, the bar dissolving into laughs and smiles and so much Christmas cheer it made Adam’s _heart_ hurt—

“ _Jordan_?” a familiar voice asked, cutting through the din.

Adam and Jordan were still connected, the both of them spinning around at the same time to see the source of the voice. However, Adam and Jordan were also still drunk, and spinning into each other and knocking heads. _Twice in one day_ , Adam thought, bringing his free hand to rub at his temple as he took in the man standing behind him.

 _Shit_.

“Ronan?” they said in unison.

Adam clapped a hand over his mouth. He was such an _idiot_.

“Who are you?” Ronan asked, eyes narrowed as he searched Adam.

“Uh,” he shook off Jordan’s arm, holding one hand out to shake. “Adam. Parrish. Your blind date.”

Ronan looked down at Adam’s hand and then up at his face, he didn’t bother shaking it. “I don’t think you understand the _blind_ part.”

Adam coughed out a laugh, dropping his hand to his side at last. “I uh, had Blue show me a picture of you so that I knew who I was looking for?” It sounded like a lie to his own ears, but the other man seemed to buy it.

Ronan just shook his head and turned to Jordan. “Jordan, what the hell are you doing here?”

Before she could respond, Adam Parrish, drunk asshole extraordinaire asked, “how do you two know each other?”

Ronan blinked at him slowly. “She’s my brother’s girlfriend.”

Oh. _Oh_ , that man in the suit. Ronan’s brother. Adam could see the resemblance. He turned to Jordan and just said, “oh.”

She laughed and tucked her wild hair behind her ears. “He’s making me a fucking snowflake again, Ronan. I couldn’t watch that shit for another minute. Adam and I decided to get a drink. Or four.”

Ronan looked between the two of them again, a million questions in his gaze. He asked none of them. “Yeah, that snowflake shit is weak. I keep telling him to buy you some real art. He never listens to me.”

“I love the man, but he’s an idiot.” Ronan reached forward with a fist for Jordan to fist bump. “Though, I should go put the idiot out of his misery.” Jordan turned to grab her coat, getting it on with only a little trouble. “It was nice to meet you Adam. Also,” her voice dropped to a stage whisper. “You’re right.”

“About?” Adam asked.

“All of it,” her gaze swung over to Ronan and then back to Adam before she did some complicated eyebrow waggling. She squeezed his arm one last time before walking over to Ronan and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “See you at Mass tonight?”

“Mhm.” He hugged her. “Tell my brother Merry Christmas, or whatever the fuck.”

“I’ll quote you on that. Ta!”

Adam and Ronan were left, standing eye to eye. The former tipsy and little out of his mind, the latter watching Adam reproachfully. “So I guess Nick’s still works for you.”

“Oh, shit. I forgot to text you back!”

Ronan laughed, smile sharp. “It’s okay. I’m early, no harm, no foul.”

“I forgot you come here early.”

“You forgot?” His dark brows furrowed in confusion. “What the hell are you going on about, Parrish?”

“Nothing. I’m drunk.”

“Should we go somewhere else? We can head to Gansey and Blue’s early—”

“No, no.” Adam shook his head before leading Ronan to his table. “Let’s stay, you can get a beer. Or whatever it is you like to drink,” _way to play it cool, Parrish_ , “And I’ll just get a water and some mozzarella sticks? You want mozzarella sticks?”

Ronan smiled at him again, this one a little softer around the edges. “I’d love mozzarella sticks.”

They ordered, a semi-awkward silence befalling their table as their server walked away. “So you talked to Jordan about me?” Ronan asked, curiosity plain in his voice.

“Yeah, you know. Just like. How weird it was that we were going on a blind date on Christmas Eve.” God, he was bombing. This was his third first date with Ronan, how could he still be fucking up this badly?

“I’m sure now that she knows it was me, it all makes sense to her.”

Adam laughed, hoping Ronan was making a joke. That soft smile tugged at his lips, so Adam knew that he must have done something right. “How long have they been together? Jordan and your brother, I mean.”

“A long time, she’s basically family. Coming up on five years, I think.”

“And he still makes her a snowflake out of lights for Christmas?”

Ronan laughed in a way that Adam knew meant that this was something he had pointed out to his brother often. “Yeah. I think he gets her other gifts. Probably. I actually don’t know how his brain works.”

“Is it just the two of you?” Adam asked. Their server returned with their drinks and a promise of their fried cheese to come.

“No, we have a younger brother, Matthew.”

“Matthew, Ronan, and—”

“Declan,” Ronan supplied.

"The brothers Lynch.”

Ronan smiled his shark-like smile. “That’s what the old ladies at church call us.”

Adam quirked an eyebrow at that, but he didn’t comment further. It didn’t seem fair. “I should apologize though.”

“For what?”

“For letting you see me like,” he gestured around the bar. “That. I don’t normally dance and sing Christmas carols with people that are basically strangers.”

Ronan huffed out a laugh. “I think everyone here is guilty of that tonight.”

“What can I say? Jordan knows how to draw a crowd.”

“That she does.”

“Okay, enough about me. And Jordan,” Ronan snorted. “Tell me about yourself. What do you do?”

Ronan took a sip of his beer. Guinness, just like Jordan. He wondered if it was a family thing. “I’m a sculptor.”

“Really? Anything I might have seen?”

“Have you ever been to Meridian Hill park?” Adam had, in fact, been to Meridian Hill park. It was one of his favorite places in the city; it had always reminded him of Cambridge. He nodded and Ronan continued. “I just had one of my pieces installed there.”

“Wow,” Adam knew that Meridian Hill had quite a few statues and memorials, but that they also liked to do short-term instillations from local artists. It was a really big deal for Ronan to be featured. “I’d like to see it sometime.”

Ronan, amazingly, blushed. He opened his mouth to respond just as their server dropped off their mozzarella sticks. Ronan seemed relieved by the distraction, reaching for the fried cheese between them.

“Can I ask you something?” Ronan looked up, mouth full of fried cheese. He cocked one eyebrow and Adam continued. “I’ve been such a dick to you—”

Ronan had finally swallowed. “No you haven’t.”

“Trust me, I have.” He tapped the lip of his glass. “Why would you want to spend Christmas Eve with me?”

Ronan regarded him for a few beats before saying, “give me your hand.”

“What?” Adam half-laughed.

“Humor me,” Ronan’s hand was held aloft between them. Adam looked at it incredulously. “Parrish. C’mon.”

Adam sighed facetiously, giving Ronan his hand. Ronan’s fingers were rough and calloused, but warm and so, _so_ gentle. He traced one of the lines on Adam’s palm with a barely-there touch of his finger. “See this?” Ronan looked up at Adam through his dark lashes. Adam was momentarily speechless. “This is your heart line.” He traced it again, looking down at Adam’s hand. “It’s a good line. It means you have a good heart.”

A small laugh bubbled out of Adam. He had not spent hours and hours in the reading room at Blue’s mother’s house last Thanksgiving for nothing. “Actually _this_ ,” he pointed to a different line on his hand, “is my heart line.”

Ronan scoffed, the tips of his ears turning pink before carefully (so, _so_ carefully) dropping Adam’s hand. “Whatever the fuck, Parrish.” He took a sip of his beer, glancing away for a moment before his icy gaze returned to Adam. “I’m Catholic, so I could go to hell for all that Pagan shit.”

Adam laughed again, “you know, it’s _because_ of the Pagans that Christmas is in December—”

“Shut the fuck up.” Ronan huffed out an annoyed breath, but his scowl didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Also, Christians stole Easter from the Pagans.”

“I can see why Sargent keeps you around.” Ronan seemed to mean it as an insult, but it only made Adam smile wider. “She’s indoctrinated you.”

Adam shrugged. “I’m not religious in any way, so it doesn’t _really_ matter to me. But I do value accuracy. And citing your sources.” Adam shrugged, playing coy even though he knew he was grinning like a fool.

“Fucking nerd,” this too was meant to be an insult, but Adam could hear the fondness in Ronan’s tone.

A comfortable silence fell between them, Ronan smiling at Adam. Adam smiling back. After a few moments, Adam finished off his water. “Okay, well in the interest of accuracy—”

“Oh, here we go.”

Adam laughed. “Here me out. First you should know, I’m bi. And not in a _secretly gay but afraid to admit it_ way. But I’m also like _way_ past my bi-panic phase, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Ronan nodded patiently. “Okay.”

“Also, there’s this girl—” Ronan sighed resignedly and was about to respond, Adam cutting him off. “Her name is Jackie. We were together for two years. And I’m over her. I really am.” Ronan looked at him, skepticism evident over his features. “But I wasn’t a good boyfriend, and there were things that I could’ve changed, _should’ve_ changed, to make it right.” Adam swiped a bit of condensation from the table. “And today I found out that she’s marrying some guy named Nate. There are things that I could have done differently, and-and then it would have been _me_ marrying Jackie.”

Ronan didn’t speak for a few moments. He watched Adam carefully, head slightly tilted to one side. “Except one thing” he said at last.

“What?”

“You’re not Nate. You could have changed everything but the most important thing: Fate.” Adam was speechless yet again, staring at Ronan in awe. “Also, that Nate guy sounds like a fucking loser.”

Adam laughed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “You’re different from the first time we met.” _God_ , when was Adam’s vodka-addled brain going to shut up already?

“You mean half an hour ago?” Ronan smirked, leaning in closer to Adam. “What? Am I better looking?”

“Definitely,” Adam replied automatically. He could feel himself blush. Ronan’s smile was worth Adam’s embarrassment. Adam couldn’t bear to look at it any longer, his eyes flitting around the bar, catching the blond in the checkered shirt’s eye. There was something knowing in his open gaze, and Adam’s brain was still vodka addled, but it felt like he _knew_ something. The blond, _Tad_ , his brain supplied, got up and walked towards the bathrooms. He turned back to Ronan. “I need to pee.”

Adam rushed after Tad, cornering him against a wall. He was taller than Tad by a few inches, and there was a flash of concern in his brown eyes. “What do you know?”

“About what?”

“About why this night keeps repeating?”

“Um,” he swallowed glancing off to the side before meeting Adam’s gaze again. “Is it? I don’t really know what you’re talking about.” There was a beat. “Please tell me you’re not Mark.”

“Ugh,” Adam groaned, stepping away from Tad. “No, I’m not.” He rubbed at his eyes, so exhausted and frustrated by whatever was happening to him. “You don’t understand,” he said to Tad, hysterical. “I don’t know how to make this night end.”

“Jesus Christ,” someone swore behind him. Adam spun around to see Ronan standing there, a scowl, one that definitely reached his eye, on his face.

“Ronan!” Adam started, but he was already walking away. Adam followed him through the bar, Ronan threw down a few bills on the table and grabbed his coat. Adam did the same, not actually sure what he owed, and stayed hot on Ronan’s heels as he stalked out of the bar. “Wait,” Adam grabbed his elbow before he could get away. “That’s not what I meant—”

“Whatever, Parrish. You’re obviously not over your ex. It’s fine.”

“Please, just hear me out.” Ronan was turned away again, digging through his pockets for something.

“I don’t want to. I just want to go home.”

“No.” Adam stepped around him. “At least go to Gansey and Blue’s. Okay? They miss you and I’m going over to their place tomo—” Adam was cut off by his phone ringing. Glancing down, he saw that it was Jackie.

 _Shit_.

Adam looked up and saw that Ronan was scowling down at his phone, recognizing the name.

 _Fuck_.

“Ronan—”

He started to back away. “You should answer that.”

“Just promise me you’ll got to Gansey’s.”

“Whatever, Parrish.” Ronan turned away fully and walked away from him. “Merry fucking Christmas.”

Adam answered the call just in time, his voice tight. “Hello?”

***

“It’s just you and me tonight, Max,” Adam said, climbing into bed, spice cake in hand. There was nothing better for wallowing than a snuggly pup and a pan of carbs. He glanced at his alarm clock on the nightstand, it was a little after 11:00. “Well,” he scratched Max behind his ears. “I should at least try to get some sleep.” Adam put the cake on the nightstand and closed his eyes.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Adam joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! Some actual Pynch interaction in this chapter! It's a Christmas miracle!
> 
> (Chapter five will be up tomorrow. It's one of my favorites, so stay tuned)
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	5. Five Golden Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the fifth day of Christmas, Adam plans a new date (and does not completely fuck it up this time).

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Adam joked. He quickly got to his feet; the ageless man grabbed his bag with the gift for Jackie. “Keep it! Merry Christmas.” He took two steps before doubling back. “Wait. What’s your name?”

There was still a look of surprise on his face. “Noah,” he said at last.

“Thanks for always being there for me, Noah.” Adam flashed him a smile before rushing off.

He took the Green Line to the Waterfront, a skip in his step as he walked to his apartment. He passed by Jordan and Declan, the former frowning at the latter’s back. “Hi Jordan!” Adam said as he swept by. He could feel her questioning gaze on him as he passed, but Adam paid it no mind.

When he got to his apartment, he took his time with the door waiting for—

“Henry!” Adam smiled as his neighbor stepped out of his apartment.

“Hello,” Henry looked at him strangely. “I brought you a—”

“Spice cake, I know. It’s delicious. I’m Adam, by the way.”

“Right,” Henry shook his hand before handing over Adam’s cake, still looking a little hesitant.

“Merry Christmas!” Henry nodded and slipped back into his apartment. Adam turned away and opened his door, kicking off his shoes and settling on his couch. He looked around his living room, which could be described as barren on a good day and sterile on a bad day. A plan started to form in his mind, but there was one thing that could throw the entire night off.

Adam pulled out his phone and clicked on the most recent call, this time Jackie actually answered. “Adam?”

“Jackie. Hi.”

“Hi, what’s up?”

Adam scratched his deaf ear. “Did you get my voicemail?”

“Yes, but I haven’t listened to it. Sorry, things are just crazy here. I’m heading to—”

“The lake house. I know. I was just offering to take Max for the night. I know how allergic your mom is.”

“Oh!” Jackie exclaimed. “Wow, Adam. That’s so thoughtful.”

“It’s no problem, but I am kind of busy tonight. Any way you could just drop Max off at my place when you and Nate head out?”

Oh, _shit_.

Adam Parrish was an idiot, apparently vodka had nothing to do with it.

“How do you know about—”

“Social media. It’s not important. Does that work for you?”

“Uh, yeah. That works.”

“Great,” Adam ran a hand through his hair. “Just call me when you’re close and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Adam waited for Ronan to text him, going to his kitchen to pour himself a drink. As soon as his phone buzzed, Adam opened up the message.

**+14348892370**   
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

_Actually, I have another idea if you’re up for it._

**+14348892370**   
_Try me_

***

“Adam?” Ronan asked, his all-black ensemble so familiar to Adam now that he could pick him out of a crowd. Or more accurately, a forest.

“You must be Ronan,” Adam smiled at his date, walking the few short steps between them. They didn’t shake hands or hug, but Ronan’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smiled warmed Adam to the core, nonetheless. “Merry Christmas.”

“You too.” Ronan glanced around the parking lot-turned Christmas tree farm. “Not to sound like a total idiot, but what are we doing here?”

“Getting a Christmas tree, duh,” Adam reached out and took Ronan’s elbow, leading him towards the trees.

“Yeah, that much I gathered.”

They walked side by side through the rows of trees, silently evaluating each one. “I realized today that I hadn’t decorated at all for Christmas, and it was a little sad. I thought we could pick out a tree and bring it back to my place.” Ronan coughed, Adam looking up at him and flushing at his own words. “Not like that.”

“Good, because I should tell you now; I’m a good Catholic boy who doesn’t put out on the first date, Parrish.”

Adam laughed, tucking his hands into the pocket of his coat. “I’ll keep that in mind. C’mon,” he picked up the pace. “Let’s pick one and get out of here, I’m freezing.”

It didn’t take long to find the perfect tree, a smallish Douglas fir that wouldn’t look too depressing with the limited decorations Adam had stored at the back of his closet. Ronan, recreational hockey player and professional sculptor, shouldered most of the weight of the tree while Adam navigated them back to his apartment. It was only a few blocks, but something about hearing Ronan’s curses from inside a Christmas tree as they ambled through Southwest Waterfront made Adam giddy and light.

It was a welcome feeling, really.

Once they were inside the lobby, Ronan leaned the tree against a wall to catch his breath. In doing so, he saw the _Out of Order_ sign taped to the elevator.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Adam, who was still giggling like a schoolgirl said, “the super said she’d have it fixed by Christmas. C’mon, let’s take the stairs.”

“Please tell me that you live on the second floor,” Ronan said gruffly, as he picked up the tree again.

“Uh…”

“Third?” Ronan followed him into the stairwell.

“Eighth,” Adam supplied, biting his lip to keep the giggles (giggles!) at bay.

“God fucking dammit, Parrish. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Adam stopped on the stairs, pushing away branches to see Ronan’s face, his cheeks tinged pink. “You think I’m cute?”

“Right now I think you’re an asshole. C’mon, we have seven more floors to go.”

Adam turned around and continued up the stairs. “Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“Oh my god,” Ronan said, voice muffled by the tree and distorted by the echoey staircase. “You are such a fucking nerd.” A pause. “I hate myself for thinking that’s cute, too.”

Adam smiled to himself, not wanting to delay them any further. After eight flights, they stopped at Adam’s door. “I should have told you before, but I’m dog sitting tonight. His name is Max and he’s very sweet, but also very excitable. We have to be careful not to let him out.”

Jackie had thankfully called Adam before he left to meet Ronan, and he was able to get Max up to the apartment and get back out the door without being late. It helped that he pushed their meet-up time back by half an hour, but it was worth it. It seemed like he and Ronan were having trouble getting past 5:00 anyways.

“Whose dog is he?” Ronan asked as Adam slipped the key into the door.

“My ex, Jackie.” Adam continued before Ronan could get any ideas, “she got him not long after we started dating, so I was like his stepdad. And Jackie’s mom is really allergic to dogs, so I offered to take him while she’s with her parents.”

Adam opened the door and they slipped inside before Max could get out in all the excitement. Ronan leaned the tree up against the closed door and kneeled down to meet him. “Hi, Max,” Ronan petted the excited pup, a smile spreading across his face. “It’s nice to meet you little man.”

Adam toed off his shoes. “I’ll let you two get acquainted while I go grab the decorations.” Ronan hummed and Adam turned away.

When he returned, Ronan was lying on the floor of Adam’s living room, Max standing on his chest, licking his face. Embarrassingly, Adam couldn’t find fault in Max’s excitability. He wouldn’t mind climbing Ronan Lynch and—

“Those the decorations?” Ronan asked from the floor.

“Yup,” Adam said, trying to play it cool. “Now, there’s no sleeping on the job. Get up.” With a sigh, Ronan stood. He had left his shoes by the door without being asked. Adam was sure he was about to _swoon_. “Are you always this good with animals?” Adam asked, opening up the box of decorations.

“Oh yeah,” Ronan sidled up next to Adam, watching him struggle to pull the Christmas tree stand from the box. He thankfully didn’t comment. “I grew up on a farm.”

“Really?” Adam glanced at him sidelong while he placed the stand on the floor. “What kind of animals did you have?”

“Cows, sheep, and goats. Pigs for a little while, but those fuckers are a real handful. Should I go grab the tree?”

“Yes please,” Adam loosened the bolts on the stand while Ronan walked away and then back. Wordlessly, Ronan lifted the tree from the ground and placed it in the middle of the stand, Adam moving to tighten all the bolts to keep the tree in place.

“We still own the property, my brothers and me, but all the animals are gone.”

“What happened?” Adam realized all at once that the answer was probably not first date talk. He stood and said, “sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s okay. Our parents died, and we were shipped off to boarding school. The estate manager sold off all the livestock, I think. I don’t remember much of that year, if I’m being honest. Anyway, once we were allowed back—”

“ _Allowed_?”

Ronan laughed humorlessly. “Yeah. Allowed. It was in the Will that we couldn’t live there until we were all eighteen.”

Adam was a civil liberties lawyer who had not thought about estate law since he was a 3L, but even he knew that Ronan’s parents’ will must have been ironclad to allow that to happen. “That’s fucked up.”

“No kidding. It was a rough couple of years.”

Adam got his first proper look at Ronan in his apartment then, unobstructed by trees and dogs. He had taken off his leather jacket at some point; which Adam thought would be a shame, but it turned out to be a gift from above.

Ronan was wearing a simple cashmere sweater, the sleeves pushed up to reveal the pale, muscular expanse of his forearms. There were a cluster of black leather wristbands on one wrist, and Adam could tell that some of them had seen much better days, most of them sporting teeth marks. They were a tell.

Then Adam let his gaze travel up to Ronan’s face, lit in the warm light of Adam’s living room. He noticed, at last, dark lines peeking out around Ronan’s neck. _A tattoo_ , his brain supplied.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Ronan said. He was obviously aiming for a cool, unbothered tone, but his voice gave him away.

It was nice to know that Ronan was affected by Adam the same way Adam was affected by Ronan.

Adam turned back to the box of decorations and pulled out a bundle of lights. He did not make a reference to Declan and his Christmas light snowflake because Adam Parrish graduated from Harvard with Latin Honors and he could keep his mouth shut. He _could_.

“So what about you?” Ronan asked as they wrapped the tree in lights.

“Hm?”

“Where’d you grow up?”

“Um,” Adam pretended to fiddle with a knot in the strand while he mentally prepared himself for this conversation. He had gotten better about it over the years, mostly with the help of Dr. Choi, but it’s was always a hard bridge to cross. “A small town in West Virginia.”

Ronan laughed and Adam met his eyes. “I’m from a small town in west _ern_ Virginia.” His joke made Adam smile, and Adam’s smile made Ronan smile… “How’d you end up in D.C.?”

“Oh,” this was much easier territory. “Well when I was applying for law schools, I wasn’t really picky about where I ended up. I liked Cambridge enough,” Adam couldn’t believe he was the kind of Ivy League asshole who named dropped _Cambridge_ like it was nothing, but it was too late now, “but I wasn’t attached to staying there like a lot of people I knew.” At last, the lights were done. “In the end, Georgetown gave me the best financial aid package.” Adam knelt down to plug the lights in, giving the room a warm glow.

Ronan kept his eyes on the tree, a smile tugging at his lips. “And you work for the ACLU, right?”

“Mhm.”

“Was that always your plan?”

“No. After I graduated, I clerked for a family law firm. But a lot of the cases hit a little too close to home for me.” Ronan finally looked at him, a question evident in his features. “I had a pretty terrible home life growing up. That’s why I wanted to go into family law, to protect kids like me.” Adam turned, rifling through the box of decorations for some kind of distraction. “Anyways, I talked it over with my therapist, and we agreed that any good I would do, would also traumatize me. It didn’t seem worth it.”

At last, Adam found an ornament Blue had given them the year they met. It was a small frame, decorated in red and green, with a picture of the two of them inside of it. He smiled, feeling a little braver. “So I started looking elsewhere. And once I passed the Bar, I finally settled on civil rights litigation. I still felt like I was helping people, still felt like I was making a difference, but it didn’t come at the cost of my own mental health.”

Adam put the ornament on the tree, front and center, while Ronan took in his story. It was a lot, Adam knew that; but Ronan seemed to be taking it fairly well.

“Seems like you have a pretty good therapist. My court-ordered counselor when I was in high school was absolute shit.” Ronan didn’t explain any further as to why they were shit, or why he had to see them in the first place, but Adam knew why Ronan had told him. A truth for a truth.

Adam smiled, a small, hopeful thing. And then he changed the subject. “Alright, let’s start putting ornaments on this tree before Gansey and Blue come looking for us.”

Most of Adam’s decorations came from those plastic tubs of matching ornaments that you could buy at any grocery store as soon as the clock struck midnight on November first. He had bought them his first year in D.C. to go on the tree that he and his then roommate had bought to liven up their objectively depressing apartment. Over the years he had been gifted ornaments, like the one from Blue, or picked up from various tourist traps all across the greater D.C. area.

“What the hell is this?” Ronan asked a few minutes later. He held up a brown blob with eyes.

“Oh!” Adam took it from his hand very gently. “This is one of Blue’s homemade ornaments. I think it’s supposed to be a reindeer.”

Ronan eyed it reproachfully. “Why does it look like a kindergartener made it?”

“Probably because a kindergartener made it.” Adam hung it near the first ornament. “Blue was shocked to find out that I didn’t have any of the ornaments that I had made as a kid, so she gave me one of her own.” Ronan glanced at him, something soft in his gaze. “Anyway,” Adam said, cutting the tension. “You want a slice of spice cake?”

Ronan eyed him apprehensively. Adam could read his mind; _Blue says he can't cook_. “Did you make it?”

“I resent that.” Ronan laughed. “I’m going to have to have a talk with Blue about her spreading rumors about me. But no, I did not make it. My neighbor did.”

“Then yes, I would like some cake.”

“C’mon.” Adam led Ronan to the kitchen, Max hot on their heels. Adam cut two generous pieces of the spice cake and put them on a single plate before sticking it in the microwave for a few seconds to warm through. He had one jar of Henry’s Honey left from the last time he had been in Shenandoah. “You want a little honey?” Adam asked. “It will change your life.”

Ronan blinked at him dazedly, like he was waking up from a dream. “I’m sorry, what the fuck is going on here?”

“What?” the microwave beeped. Adam took the plate out, adding a dollop of honey to his slice. He took a bite, it wasn’t quite as good as the alfalfa honey Henry had used, but it was pretty damn close.

“This is all very weird to me.”

“Why?”

“Just. Adam Parrish, Harvard graduate and civil liberties lawyer, likes to eat spice cake made by his neighbors with artisanal honey, barefoot in his fucking kitchen.” Ronan shook his head, looking at Adam in awe. “You are a marvel.”

Adam was speechless for a moment. He couldn’t believe that this man was in his kitchen, that the two of them were lucky enough to cross paths. “You’re just trying to flatter me.”

Ronan regarded Adam carefully, expression earnest. “I never lie.”

It felt like all the air rushed back into the room. “Eat your fucking spice cake, Lynch.”

After their snack break, Adam led Ronan back to the living room. Most of the ornaments were on the tree, but there was something off about it that Adam couldn’t quite name. “Where’s your topper?”

“What?” Adam asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“You know,” Ronan glanced at the tree and then back at Adam. “You _know_. The thing for the top of the tree? Like an angel or something.”

“Oh. _That’s_ what’s missing.” Ronan chuckled and walked over to the box of decorations, digging through it. “You’re not gonna find anything in there,” Adam said, sidling up to him.

“No?” Ronan paused.

“Nope.”

“I can fix that. You have paper and a pair of scissors I can use?”

“Sure,” Adam laughed incredulously before disappearing off to his room, grabbing a few sheets of printer paper and a pair of scissors from his desk. He returned to living room to find Ronan sitting on the floor, rubbing Max’s stomach. The dog was looking up at Ronan with so much love and adoration in his gaze. “He’s so enamored with you.”

Ronan looked up at him, a soft smile on his face. “We had a couple of herding dogs and, like, a million barn cats growing up. I miss having animals around.”

“You just moved to D.C., yeah?”

“Mm,” Ronan hummed. Adam handed him the paper and scissors, and Ronan murmured his thanks before getting to work. “I’ve been living with my brother and his girlfriend for a couple months now.”

“What’s that like?”

“Weird,” his gaze was focused on the paper in front of him, cutting the sheets into squares. “I lived at the Barns, our family home,” he clarified, “for years with my, uh, late husband.” Adam had thought about how he was going to react to Ronan telling him about Laurie. He had settled on quiet acceptance, and Ronan seemed grateful for Adam’s lack of reaction. “So moving in with my brother and his girlfriend is _super_ strange.”

“Jackie and I lived together for a year,” Adam said, watching Ronan’s hands as he started folding the paper in a complicated pattern. “It was weird living on my own again when we broke up.” Ronan hummed in agreement. “What are you making?”

“A non-denominational origami star to put on the top of your tree,” Ronan glanced up, smiling wolfishly.

“I appreciate your respect of my non-denominational traditions.” Ronan started fitting the pieces of the star together. “You’re an artist, right? It’s no surprise that you’re good at this.”

“This is nothing,” Ronan scoffed, but Adam could see the tips of his ears turning pink. “You could learn this shit on YouTube.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.”

Ronan looked over at him, expression open and vulnerable. Adam didn’t know what to do with that, didn’t know if he could be gentle enough with this version of Ronan. Ronan didn’t seem to know either, his face slipping back into his usual mask.

Adam wasn’t too sad to see it leave, he just hoped that he got that version of Ronan again.

“C’mon.” Ronan stood, reaching out a hand to help Adam up. Palm over palm, wrist over fingers. They stood, face to face, for just a moment. Adam took the star from Ronan’s hand gently, examining the precise folds, tracing the joints with his finger.

“You should do the honors,” Adam said, looking back up at Ronan at last.

Ronan just rolled his eyes before taking the star back from Adam, reaching up to place it at the top of the tree. They stood in silence for a few moments, taking in the tree.

Adam’s phone buzzed on the table, loud in the silence hanging between them. He turned and grabbed his phone to see a text from Blue, as well as a missed call twenty minutes ago.

**Blue Sargent**   
_Where are you???? Pls tell me you and Ronan haven’t killed each other yet_

Adam glanced up to see Ronan smiling at him, backlit by the Christmas lights.

_No we haven’t._

_The opposite of that, really._

Blue’s response was instantaneous.

**Blue Sargent**   
_What’s the opposite of killing each other??_

**Blue Sargent**   
_Is it kissing????_

**Blue Sargent**   
_Pls tell me it’s kissing_

_We’ll leave my apartment soon._

**Blue Sargent**   
_Adam Parrish, you TEASE_   


Adam didn’t bother responding to that, locking his phone and slipping it into his pocket.

“Blue’s asking where we are. We should probably head out.”

Ronan nodded, looking around the apartment one last time. Like he was committing it to memory. “Is Max coming with us?” he sounded so hopeful, how could Adam deny him?

“Sure.” Adam started collecting his things, his coat, Max’s leash, the bag of gifts for Blue and Gansey. “Let me order an Uber before we head down—”

“Or we could take my car.”

Adam looked up to see Ronan tugging on his coat. “You have a car?”

***

“Holy shit,” Adam said as he stood in front of Ronan’s sleek, gray BMW. It was low to the ground, the windows tinted, and shined to a mirror finish. “This is _your_ car?”

“What?” Ronan’s tone was sharp, at odds with the way he carefully cradled Max in his arms.

Ronan Lynch was an exercise in cognitive dissonance, Adam was learning.

“Nothing,” Adam shook his head. “It’s a great car.”

“It was my dad’s,” Ronan beeped the car open, he opened up the back door for Adam to put his bags. He handed over Max who licked underneath Adam’s jaw as he maneuvered into Ronan’s car.

“He left it to you?” Adam asked once they were both inside.

“No,” Ronan gave him a sharp smile out of the corner of his eye. “It wasn’t in the Will at all.” The car rumbled to life and Ronan pulled away from the curb. “Declan, as the oldest, claimed it. But he wouldn’t drive it. And he didn’t do a great job of hiding the keys.”

“So, you’re telling me that you committed grand theft auto before the age of eighteen?”

Ronan took his eyes off the road to give Adam a lecherous look. “This is when you tell me that you’ve got a thing for bad boys.”

“That’s patently untrue,” Adam replies. “But you don’t really seem like a bad boy.”

Ronan glanced over at Adam for just a moment as they slid to a stop at a red light. “I used to street race in this car.”

“Really?” Ronan just revved the engine in response. “Okay, okay, I believe you.”

Ronan’s laugh was a quiet, hearty thing. Adam stroked Max and studied his profile. “I went a little off the rails after my parents died.” The light turned green. “Street racing was the least of my worries.”

“Yeah, I know. You _stole a car_.”

Ronan barked out a laugh. They were passing by the university now, and Adam could see the iconic spires of Healy Hall in the distance. Gansey and Blue lived a few minutes north of campus, in the historic part of Georgetown. There was something about Ronan knowing his way to their house, a place that Adam himself was so familiar with, that _did_ something to him.

It was a wonder that they hadn’t met sooner.

Blue was waiting outside when they pulled up, festively dressed and half-annoyed at their tardiness.

“Hiya, Maggot,” Ronan said as he got out of the car.

Adam gave him a questioning look at the nickname, but Blue just rolled her eyes fondly. “You two are late, dinner’s getting cold.”

“Sorry,” Adam handed over Max to Ronan, who started up the walk to the front door. Ronan kissed Blue on the cheek before retreating inside. “We got distracted.” Adam grabbed the gifts form the back seat and closed the door.

“Making out?”

Adam sighed, “sadly, no.”

“Adam Parrish!” she exclaimed, slapping his arm, a smile stretched over her face. “I can’t believe this worked.” She shook her head and then hooked her arm in his. They walked up to the house.

“It didn’t, not at first,” Adam said once they were inside. He toed off his shoes while Blue watched him.

“What does that mean?”

There was a clamor from the kitchen, “I’ll tell you later. Should we—”

“Yup,” she hurried off to the kitchen, Adam hot on her heels. Everything looked to be in order when they arrived, but Ronan had Gansey in a headlock, the latter laughing unselfconsciously, doubled over, cheeks red.

Adam hadn’t seen this side of Gansey before. He had always looked older than he really was, the tweed and the gold wireframes giving him an air of maturity that Adam could only hope for once he was in his _forties_. But with Ronan, Gansey was a kid again. A teenager. Wild and bright. It made Professor Gansey seem like the imposter.

“You two are children,” Blue said fondly. “And I’m starving, can we please eat now?”

They all made their way to the table; it was set and ready for them to sit down. Blue trailed in after the boys, a giant hunk of prime rib on a carving tray. “Here it is! The Christmas beast.” She preened over the entrée as Gansey made room for it on the table.

“Oh, should I have mentioned that I’m vegan now?”

Everyone whipped their heads to stare at Ronan in shock (Gansey), disbelief (Adam), and fury (Blue).

“Kidding, Jesus Christ.” Ronan glanced at Adam sidelong, smirking.

“Don’t fuck with me, Ronan.” Blue said, holding a carving knife threateningly. “Not on Christmas.”

“Sorry, Maggot.”

Blue rolled her eyes before starting to carve the prime rib. “So, Lynch, are you taking Adam to midnight Mass?” Gansey was smiling mischievously at the two of them, a look Adam hadn’t seen from him before. It made him smile.

“I don’t know, Parrish is a heathen; he invited me up to his apartment on our first date.”

“Hey!” Adam couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. Something about this night and these people—

“Do you want to come to Mass with me?” Ronan asked.

“I don’t know—” Ronan bristled at Adam’s side. “It’s not that! I’ve just been having trouble making it past midnight. And I’m not sure, but I think falling asleep in church is a sin.”

Ronan’s expression softened, a smile tugging at his lips. “How about this, old man—”

“I’m only four months older than you—”

“If you fall asleep, I’ll make sure you make it back to your apartment before Santa shows up.”

Adam could feel Gansey and Blue watching them, probably pleased as punch that their stupid plan was working. “Alright, I’m in.”

***

After dinner was eaten, and gifts were exchanged, Adam, Ronan, and Max climbed back into Ronan’s car. It was a little past eleven, Max curled up and asleep on Adam’s lap. They drove in a peaceful silence, just the _woosh_ of warm air from the vents and Max’s muffled breathing.

Adam watched Ronan behind the wheel, one hand on the gear stick between them. There was something easy about his posture, something relaxed in his expression. Adam wanted that peace and serenity for himself. He always felt like he was chasing after something, always thinking about the next item on his to-do list.

There was something about the way Ronan looked so present in the moment that attracted Adam to him. Stable. Feet planted firmly on the ground.

“Stop staring, it’s rude,” Ronan said, not taking his eyes off the road.

Adam didn’t turn away, didn’t rush to apologize. He wanted to feel the enormity of this moment, and every moment after it.

Ronan huffed out an annoyed breath. “God, you’re such an asshole,” he didn’t say it like an insult.

“So are you.”

They were passing by Howard University now, and Adam had an inkling as to where they were going. “The National Shrine?” Adam said as he spotted the dome, lit up in the night, above the trees.

“And here I thought you were a heathen. You’ve been?”

“Gansey took me once; we were on an architectural tour of the city.”

Ronan snorted. “God, that dude’s such a fucking nerd.”

“Should you be swearing and using the Lord’s name in vain this close to your church?”

“Jesus died for our sins. And I go to confession every Sunday.”

“That seems like a broken system,” Adam said.

Ronan glanced over at him. “What do you mean?”

“Just that…” he scratched Max behind his ears to have something to do with his hands. “What’s the point of declaring behaviors as sins if all you have to do to absolve yourself of them is tell a guy in a box _anonymously_? And sure, if your greatest sins are blaspheming and swearing—”

“Don’t forget fornicating with men,” Ronan smiled sharply.

Adam sighed facetiously, “and fornicating with men.” He couldn’t help the small chuckle. “It’s not really a big deal. But what about people who are doing terrible things? How many criminals do the Church absolve every year by telling them to do a couple of Hail Mary’s?”

“You’re right,” Ronan said after a few beats.

Ronan said nothing else, didn’t try to defend himself. Adam found that admirable, the fact that Ronan could admit when he was wrong; but he also didn’t try to change himself for Adam. Ronan’s faith was central to himself, but he wasn’t running into the church blind. There was something much more complicated to his relationship to God, and Adam wanted to know more.

They kept their course steady on the Basilica.

“So why do you go?”

Ronan sighed heavily, like he knew that Adam was going to ask. “Because my father went. And his father. And so on. I feel closer to him when I’m sitting in a pew. I don’t know if that’s always a good thing, but it’s the last piece of my father left on this earth.” He paused; the silence heavy between them. “I can still remember the way Our Father sounded in his accent. And no matter how old we were, he would always hug us during the sign of peace.

“He was the best version of himself during Sunday Mass, and that’s the version I try to remember.”

They had arrived at the Basilica of the National Shrine, and Ronan pulled into an empty spot along the side of the building. Even at night, it was a sight to behold. Adam may have had a complicated relationship to religion, but he had to admit that they knew how to make brick and mortar beautiful.

“I probably should’ve mentioned this sooner,” Ronan said as they walked up to the entrance, Max nestled in his arms, still snoozing. “But my brothers are coming.”

Adam stopped dead in his tracks. “Ronan—”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to come to Mass with me.” Ronan did look chastened. “I figured you would be sick of me _hours_ ago.”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s why you insisted on taking Max, you knew I wouldn’t murder you if you were holding him.”

“That wasn’t the only reason why, I know the priest and if he thinks Max is my dog, he’ll actually let us insi—Hello, Mrs. Donoghue.” Ronan said to a woman standing by the entrance, holding the door open for them. “Thank you”

“Merry Christmas, Ronan,” the old lady smiled, reaching up to pinch his cheeks. Ronan blushed and Adam couldn’t look away. “What a sweet looking puppy, what’s his name?”

“Max. You don’t think Father Armstrong will mind, do you? I couldn’t bear to leave him in the car.”

“There’s lots of room at the inn,” she smiled warmly, and Ronan chuckled at her joke. It took everything in Adam not to roll his eyes. “And who is this? A new friend?”

“This is Adam Parrish,” Ronan introduced them. Adam stuck out a hand to shake, but Mrs. Donoghue hugged him instead.

“Welcome, Adam. And merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Adam mumbled back.

“Oh! I see Nancy has arrived; I need to speak with her. But you two have a wonderful time.”

They were stopped in the crossing, right below the dome. Adam looked up at the mosaic tiles on the ceiling, everything feeling a little surreal. “I can’t believe I’m here.”

“I can’t tell if you mean that in a good or a bad way.”

Adam cast his eyes to Ronan. For all the dark, severe clothes he wore, he _fit in_ here. “I can’t believe you exist.” Ronan flushed again. “Like, how do you,” he gestured to Ronan’s objectively terrifying form, “have dogs falling asleep in your arms and have old ladies pinching your cheeks? You’re a walking, talking paradox, Ronan Lynch.”

“You sound annoyed, but all of those things you just said were compliments.”

“Yeah. Yeah they were.”

They stood there for a few moments. “Ronan,” a gruff voice said from behind Adam. He turned to find Declan, Jordan, and an unfamiliar blond walking towards them. “Let’s si—is that a _dog_?”

“Hi, Declan. Merry Christmas.” Ronan smiled wolfishly at his brother. They were almost spitting images of each other, save for the hair, clothes, and the general expression.

“You can’t bring a _dog_ in here,” Declan whispered, trying to block Max from the view of the onlooking congregation.

“It’s Christmas, Declan. I’m not gonna leave a dog in the car.”

“You’re not bringing that dog into my home, either.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “He’s not _my_ dog.”

Declan finally seemed to realize that Adam was standing there. “Who is this?” he asked Ronan, not looking away from Adam.

“Adam Parrish,” he said, holding out a hand. Declan took it apprehensively.

“Sargent’s friend?” he asked, still holding Adam’s hand.

“Yup,” Adam glanced at Ronan sidelong. He was fuming, glaring daggers at his older brother.

Declan finally dropped Adam’s hand, looking over to Ronan. “You brought a _date_ to Mass?”

“You brought the girlfriend you’re living in sin with.”

The blond laughed heartily, stepping forward to shake Adam’s hand. “I’m Matthew, the best Lynch brother.”

Adam glanced at the two bickering Lynches and back at Matthew. “I’m inclined to agree.”

“I’m Jordan,” she took Adam’s hand next; the accent was still jarring to him. “The aforementioned girlfriend Declan lives in sin with.”

“I’ve seen you around,” Adam said. “I think we live in the same neighborhood. I saw Declan making some sort of—”

“I’m not allowed to swear in church, so please don’t bring up the snowflake.”

“Right,” Adam laughed. “Sorry.”

“Let’s sit,” Matthew said, getting between his brothers. “The service is going to start soon.”

Adam sidled up to Ronan. “We could’ve left him in the car,” Adam said, knocking his shoulder into Ronan’s.

“Declan’s an asshole,” Ronan said under his breath, rolling his eyes.

“It’s probably because he spent all day making a snowflake out of lights for his girlfriend.”

Ronan smiled down at him as they filed into a pew. “She told you about that?”

“Mhm,” he hummed. It wasn’t technically a lie.

He carefully settled into his seat, Max snuffling. Ronan stroked a hand down his back, and he settled back down. Matthew was chattering away on Ronan’s other side, so Adam took the opportunity to study his surroundings. The pews weren’t particularly packed, but there were a fair amount of people in attendance.

Sitting directly behind Adam was his neighbor. He looked up and seemed to recognize Adam. “Henry,” Adam said, turning a little more to speak to him.

“Adam, hello.”

“How did baking go today?”

He blinked at Adam in confusion. “Great.”

“The cake was delicious, thank you so much.”

Henry brightened at that. “You’re very welcome.”

“Cake?” Ronan asked, turning his attention back to Adam.

“Yeah,” Adam laughed. “This is my neighbor, Henry. He made the spice cake.”

“It was pretty damn good.”

Henry looked a little apprehensive at Ronan’s gruff compliment, but he took it in stride. “Thank you!”

“I didn’t know you were Catholic,” Adam said, stupidly. He’d been doing well all day—

“I’m not, I just come for the company. And the beautiful architecture.”

Adam remembered that Henry was an art lover who lived thousands of miles away from his family. It made sense that he would end up here on Christmas Eve. “Well, merry Christmas, Henry.”

“Merry Christmas, Adam.”

Adam gave him one last smile before turning around. It was just in time, really, the pipe organ starting to echo through the sanctuary with the beginning notes of “Joy to the World.” Ronan started to stand, Adam following after him. He was still holding Max, the sight making Adam smile even brighter.

Ronan was smiling down at him when Adam glanced up at his face, the expression was soft and full of something Adam wished he could name. The congregation started singing, but Ronan was still looking at him. Adam felt the weight of Ronan’s gaze, what it meant to be the person that Ronan Lynch was looking upon.

 _This is important_ , Adam said to himself. _Don’t miss this_.

He reached out with one arm to where Adam’s hands were braced on the pew in front of them. Adam flipped his hand over at the brush of Ronan’s fingertips. He felt Ronan’s breath punch out of him as he laced their fingers together, church bells ringing in the background.

 _And heaven and nature sing_ …

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“God dammit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite chapter so far, for reasons including (but not limited to) Ronan hanging out with a dog! Spice cake with honey! Religious themes! The BMW!
> 
> Now that I think about it, a lot of those things are in chapter six as well (which will be uploaded tomorrow!)
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	6. Six Geese a Laying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the sixth day of Christmas, Adam and Noah discuss the crippling pressures of mortality.

“Sir, if you need assistance, we can call 911,” the security guard said, annoyed.

“I’m fine,” Adam sighed.

“Then you need to get up.”

“Give him a minute,” Noah said.

“Thank you, Noah,” Adam smiled up at him, and despite Noah’s momentary confusion, he returned Adam’s smile.

“You’re welcome.”

“He’s had twenty minutes,” the security guard said to Noah, glancing at Adam with disdain. “If he’s hurt, we can call someone.”

“Fine,” Adam huffed indignantly before moving to sit up. “I get it. I need to make room for the shoppers so they can buy people they hate things they don’t need all in name of this stupid,” Noah helped Adam stand, “capitalist holiday.”

The security guard leveled Adam with an exasperated look, one dark eyebrow cocked. “I’m just trying to do my job, sir.”

“And I’m trying not to relive Christmas Eve over and over again!”

“Alright,” Noah said, gently tugging on Adam’s arm. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Adam huffed out a breath but followed Noah to the cosmetics department, falling heavily into a chair. “Have you ever been stuck in a parking garage and you keep driving round and round, and you can't find the exit?” Adam could feel tears springing to his eyes, hear his voice getting thick, but he didn’t care about making a fool of himself anymore. Not like Noah would remember this after today. “That’s my life. I’m stuck in a parking garage and I can’t find my way out.”

Noah looked at him carefully, pale eyebrows drawing together for a moment. “What’s your name?”

“Adam. Parrish.”

“C’mon, Adam Parrish,” he stepped back from Adam, giving him room to stand up. “I’ve got an idea.”

If Adam was in a better state of mind, he would not have followed Noah out of Macy’s and down the three blocks across G St. to the National Portrait Gallery. Not that Noah seemed like someone Adam should fear, but Adam usually had a better sense of self-preservation than that.

They walked into the museum side-by-side. He hadn’t been since his first year at Georgetown, when he was still getting to know the city (and all its free entertainment). “I’m from a family of artists,” Noah said as he led Adam up to the first floor. “And I grew up outside of D.C., so my parents took me here, a lot. Often enough that by the time I was in like, third grade, I could probably navigate this place with my eyes closed. Not that I wanted to,” he laughed lightly as the entered the first room. “Because I wanted to look at the art.”

They wandered through the galleries, Noah pointing out paintings that he liked. Pieces that had been hanging in the same place since he was a kid. “When I was in college, and living here for the first time, I came even more frequently. Sometimes I would bring my laptop and do homework in the courtyard downstairs. And that was before they installed the WIFI.

“And then I met Whelk.” Adam looked over at Noah, his usually sunny disposition turned cloudy. “My ex-boyfriend,” he clarified. “He would come with me sometimes, but as we kept dating, I wanted to bring him here less and less. I should have seen it as the red flag that it was, I didn’t want his presence ruining my safe haven.” A heavy pause, Adam could feel Noah steeling himself next to him. “And then he tried to kill me.” Noah touched the scar along his cheek absently.

“Noah—” Adam started.

“I was in a coma for six months,” some of Noah’s color was returning, the hardened edge melting away. “He committed suicide before I woke up.” Noah took a deep cleansing breath and continued through the exhibit. “The first thing I did when I was out of the hospital was come here. And it wasn’t anything like I remembered it. I thought that was because of the head trauma, but apparently it was just renovations.” Noah laughed, a quiet laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

He glanced over at Adam, they were about the same height; eye-to-eye. “I woke up, not realizing six months of my life had passed me by, and I didn’t recognize the world anymore. It was like I had gotten out of the parking garage, but I had forgotten my way home.”

They wandered aimlessly until Noah stopped in front of a bench and sat down. Adam stared at the portrait hanging on the wall in front of them, speaking to it rather than Noah. “I keep reliving today over and over again,” Adam said with a heavy sigh. “It doesn’t matter what I do. I meet Jackie or I don’t. I go on this blind date and it either goes terribly, or it goes really, really well. But I still wake up on the floor of the fragrance department with you and that security guard looming over me.”

“That’s how you knew my name.”

“You actually believe me? You don’t think I’m crazy?”

Noah just laughed. “I think everyone’s a little crazy.”

“What would you do?” Adam asked, turning to study his profile.

“I’d probably go get my head examined.”

Adam snorted, turning back to the portrait. “I did that. Like, three days ago.”

Noah laughed and tilted his head, studying the painting. “After I woke up from the coma, I realized how precious life was. And as cliché as it sounds, I started to live every day as if it were my last. So what would I do?” he looked over at Adam, a smile playing at his lips. “ _Anything_.”

***

Noah’s advice played over and over in Adam’s head. Anything, he could do _anything_.

It was kind of funny, somehow Adam saw _anything_ as a limit. Maybe it wasn’t funny, maybe it was just _sad_. He had so much of his life planned out that he couldn’t even find a way to waste one evening.

Adam was walking back to his apartment, hands tucked into the pockets of his coat, just thinking about all the things he hadn’t done in his life but had wanted to. An idea came to him as he passed a tattoo parlor.

Twenty minutes later, Adam was sitting in a vinyl chair, a tattoo artist wiping his shoulder with antiseptic. Adam watched her place the stencil, peeling the paper back to reveal the purple outline of the tattoo.

“You okay with the placement?” the artist asked. She handed Adam a handheld mirror so he could check it.

“Looks great,” he handed the mirror back and the artist got to work.

It was painful, of course it was. But Adam let the pain settle at the back of his mind as he thought about what he was going to do next. “If you had one day to live,” he asked the tattoo artist, “what would you do?”

“I’d call my piece of shit dad,” she said after a moment. “And tell him to go fuck himself one last time.”

Adam tried not to laugh, not wanting to ruin his tattoo. “One last time?”

“It was the last thing I said to him when I left home. It’ll be the last thing I say to him before one of us dies.”

“I don’t even want to give my piece of shit dad the time of day. Especially if it was my last day on earth.”

The artist shrugged, wiping ink and blood from Adam’s arm. “I guess you’re not as petty as me. You’re all done.” She gave Adam space to stand, letting him walk over to the mirror in the corner to check out the tattoo. “Why a willow?” she asked, catching his eye in the mirror.

“The willow tree represents strength, stability, _and_ flexibility,” Adam said, studying the branch inked on to his skin. “It grows and bends; but it doesn’t break. They thrive in challenging environments because they trust the process, rather than fight against it.” It was a well-done tattoo, solid black lines, and even shading. It was a shame he wouldn’t have it for long.

“Thank god you didn’t get it for that terrible movie,” the artist said, her brown eyes crinkling with a smile.

“It looks amazing, thank you.”

She went over the aftercare process, Adam mostly tuning her out. Then he was shuffled out to the front desk to pay. He had the receptionist run his card, handing him the receipt when he was done. Adam paused, his pen hovering over the paper for a moment. After a few beats, Adam threw all caution to the wind and left a thousand-dollar tip. He scrawled _happy holidays_ along the bottom of the receipt before tugging on his coat and slipping out of the parlor.

He knew that when he woke up the next day on the floor of the fragrance department, none of this would matter, but why not make someone’s day while he could?

It was a little after four, and Adam had time to kill. As he was walking south on 7th St. to the Waterfront, he saw an ATM, and a plan formed in his mind. He took out the $500 withdrawal limit, but the stack of twenty-dollar bills didn’t feel like enough. There was a thrift store, not far from here. Blue had taken him a few times in her never-ending quest for vintage clothes that are _just as appropriate for the office as those soul-crushing pantsuits all the other women wear, Adam_.

In Adam’s defense, he hadn’t thought what Blue was wearing was _inappropriate_ for the office, he just thought that the lime green polyester was a little garish for eight in the morning.

But that wasn’t the point. Adam walked into the store and made a beeline for the winter clothes at the back. An employee greeted him, but he paid them no mind as he loaded his arms up with the warmest coats they had. He took them right to the counter, smiling at the employee who had greeted him.

“Find everything you need?” she asked wearily, she was still smiling at him, but Adam knew a _customer service_ smile when he saw one.

“Yeah,” he nodded perfunctorily, and the employee began ringing him up. Before she could tell him the total, Adam slipped his credit card across the counter. She nodded and ran the card, didn’t ask any questions.

Adam walked out of the thrift stores with no less than a dozen coats, his own pockets full to the brim with twenty-dollar bills.

He handed out a coat and a few bills to every homeless person he passed on his way to Nick’s. They were genuinely thankful of Adam’s generosity, and Adam watched them pull on their new coats and buy themselves a hot meal, something warm growing in his chest.

It felt good doing something selfless, but it wasn’t _last night on earth_ euphoria. As he handed out the last coat and the last of his cash, he saw a poster promoting a night club downtown _. What if_ —

Adam skidded to a stop in front of Nick’s, not realizing that he had finally arrived. Glancing at his watch, he saw that he was fifteen minutes early. With a centering breath, Adam walked into the bar.

Ronan was sitting at their table, fiddling with the bands around his wrist. Despite how many dates they had been on, Adam still didn’t know the story behind the bracelets, but he desperately wanted to.

“Mark?” Tad, ever hopeful, asked.

“No, sorry,” Adam said as he passed him, stopping at Ronan’s table. “Ronan?”

He glanced up, his expression open for just a moment as he said, “Adam?”

“Hi,” Adam pulled off his coat, laying it against the back of his chair before sitting down.

“Hey,” Ronan replied, cool as a cucumber. Adam hated that façade, but he was pretty sure he knew how to tear it down by now. “I was just about to order.”

“Oh, good. You know,” Adam picked up the paper coaster on the table in front of him to have something to do with his hands. “Gansey and Blue never mentioned how attractive you are.”

Ronan coughed and sputtered, a smile forming on Adam’s face. “Jesus, Parrish.”

“What?” Adam asked, voice light.

“You can’t just _say_ that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Ronan glanced around the bar helplessly, a blush burning his cheeks. Adam was thoroughly enjoying himself. “Because we just met, and we’re on a _first_ date—”

“Do you want me to just pretend that I don’t find you incredibly attractive? Do you want me to _lie_?” Adam knew he was playing dirty, but it was worth it. He didn’t want to spend the whole night playing coy. He could do _anything_ , and getting Ronan Lynch all hot and bothered definitely qualified.

Ronan blinked at him dumbly, he didn’t find a reply before their server arrived to take their order. “Can I get a gin and tonic?” Adam asked, Ronan was still speechless. “And he’ll have a Guinness?” this question was directed to Ronan, who nodded dumbly. “A pint of Guinness,” he said to the server, who nodded and retreated back to the kitchen.

“What the fuck is happening?”

_There he is_ , Adam thought. “Look, life is short right? And maybe it’s a bunch of cliché bullshit, but why not live every day like it’s your last? Why not say what you mean?”

Ronan scrubbed a hand across the top of his head. “You’re a unique kind of asshole, you know that Parrish?” Ronan was smiling ruefully across the table at Adam.

“What do you say? Tonight we live like it’s our last night on earth?”

Their server came by with their drinks. Ronan grabbed his beer and took a greedy sip. Adam was watching him, one eyebrow raised. Ronan finally met Adam’s eye. “Alright, let’s fucking do it.”

Adam took a sip of his G&T, a difficult task because he was smiling like an idiot. “So what do you want to do?”

***

It turned out that Ronan wanted to find an empty parking lot. If this had been their real first date, and Ronan wanted to take Adam to an empty parking lot in his German sportscar, he would have been a little concerned. But this was their fifth date, and Adam trusted him.

“What are we doing in this abandoned lot?” Adam asked as Ronan rolled to a stop.

“When I was a teenager, I used to street race in this car,” Ronan said. It didn’t really answer Adam’s question, so he waited for Ronan to continue. “I’m sure a lot of it had to do with how fucked up my life was at the time, but the sense of euphoria is un-fucking-matched.” He turned to Adam; face lit by the dash. “But I really can't afford another speeding ticket.”

“So we’re gonna do donuts in the parking lot?”

“So we’re gonna do donuts in the parking lot,” Ronan nodded.

“Then what are you waiting for, Lynch?”

Ronan mumbled something under his breath before shifting the car into gear.

He was right, there was a certain kind of euphoria that came with driving an expensive car fast and recklessly. Ronan smiled at him, cheekbones sharp in the low light, at Adam’s whooping laughter. Adam was dizzy with all of it, the spinning car, the screeching tires, the sharp glint of Ronan’s smile.

They slowed to a stop, the BMW rumbling beneath them, as Adam caught his breath. He couldn’t stop looking at Ronan, and Ronan couldn’t stop looking back.

That was, of course, until Adam’s phone started to ring. He broke eye contact with Ronan as he dug through his pockets to find his phone, tapping to answer Jackie’s call.

“Hello?”

“Adam. Merry Christmas.”

“You too, Jackie,” Adam glanced up at Ronan, a question in the other man’s gaze. Adam mouthed _sorry_ , and Ronan just shrugged. “What’s up?”

Jackie started to answer, asking if Adam was still willing to take Max for the night. Ronan had slipped his own phone from his pocket, gestured to it, and jerked his head towards the door before turning off the car and climbing out.

“Sure,” Adam said after Jackie paused. “I’m in the middle of something right now, but I can come get him in like twenty minutes or so?”

“That’s great. Thank you so much, Adam.”

“Of course.”

They hung up, and Adam slipped his phone back into his pocket before opening his door and getting out of the car. Adam assumed Ronan would be standing near the car to make his call, but he was nowhere to be found. Adam glanced around the lot and spotted him on the opposite side of the lot, his back to Adam, kicking at something.

Adam started to walk over to Ronan, hands tucked into his pockets. He could hear Ronan’s half of the conversation as he got closer. “—kind of an asshole, but in a good way. He cuts through all the bullshit.”

A small smile tugged at Adam’s lips as he realized that Ronan was talking about _him_. Though, he knew that if the roles were reversed, he’d be absolutely mortified. So Adam gave Ronan a little courtesy cough as he came up behind him.

Ronan whipped around; his eyes wide when he realized Adam was standing behind him. “Czerny, I gotta go. Yes. _Yes_. Oh my god, bye.”

Adam took a few steps closer. “Who was that?”

“Just a friend of mine. He texted me earlier, I thought I’d call him back and give you some privacy.”

“You didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t a personal call, just a holiday obligation.”

“Parents?” Ronan asked.

Adam blew out a breath through his nose. “No.” He paused for effect. “It was my ex, actually.”

“Oh.”

“I just offered to dog sit for her tonight, and she was asking what time I planned on picking Max up.”

Ronan kicked at the thing by his foot he was messing with when he was on the phone. “Correct me if I’m wrong, most people don’t have a good enough relationship to their exes that they can get along at a mutual friend’s birthday party, let alone offer to dog sit for them on Christmas.”

Adam shrugged, his eyes had finally adjusted to the dark, and he realized the thing Ronan had been kicking was some kind of wheeled dolly. “We’re on pretty friendly terms. And we’ve both moved on. She’s actually already engaged.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, anyways, I thought we could pick Max up before we got to Gansey and Blue’s? I’m not sure if it’s on the way, because I have no fucking clue where we are.”

Ronan laughed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. “Whatever, Parrish, we can go pick up your ex-girlfriend’s dog. He better be cute.”

Adam remembered the way Ronan and Max were equally enamored with one another. “He is.” Ronan watched him carefully, his gaze searing. “But I bought us some time before we have to leave, if you wanna do a couple more donuts.”

He glanced down, kicked the dolly hard enough that it rolled a few inches towards Adam. “I have a better idea.” Even in the dark, Adam could see the mischievous glint in Ronan’s eye.

Ronan dragged the dolly over to his car and popped the trunk. Inside was a mess, but Ronan found what he was looking for easily, a long, florescent yellow bungee cord.

“No fucking way,” Adam said as he realized what Ronan was planning.

“C’mon, Parrish. Live a little.”

Adam crossed his arms over his chest. He hated his treacherous little smile. “I’m not getting on that thing while you do donuts in 350 horsepower sportscar!”

Ronan finished attaching the dolly to the bumper of the BMW. “The horsepower is closer to 370, actually.” Ronan Lynch talking about horsepower was not doing Adam’s resolve any service, but he somehow remained firm. “Fine. You can drive.”

“I can’t drive stick.”

“Then I guess you have to get on the dolly,” he shrugged faux-apologetically, before taking a few steps backwards. “Gotta live like we’re dying, right?”

“Fuck off,” Adam said through a smile.

“Hold on tight, you know how I drive.” Ronan opened the door and slipped into the car, turning it back on after a moment. With a sigh, Adam got on the dolly, face down, holding tight onto the handle. He heard Ronan’s voice thorough the open window. “Ready, Parrish?” he called.

“Ready!” Adam replied before the car shifted into gear.

In Ronan’s defense, he did start out slow, letting Adam get used to the feeling. But it didn’t take long for him to grow bored with that, the BMW picking up speed, and the dolly following in its wake.

It was a different kind of euphoria out here in the damp cold without the lights from the dash, or the hum of music in the background, or Ronan’s heat next to him. It was just the wind whipping around him and the rumble of the 370-horsepower engine and Adam’s mind, empty of all conscious thought.

That was until Adam was thrown from the dolly, catching a few moments of glorious, glorious air. As he soared he wondered, _is this what flying feels like?_

Adam landed on his stomach, thankfully avoiding hitting his head for the second time that day. The BMW screeched to a stop, the engine still running as Ronan sprung out of the car. “Parrish?” he asked, running towards him. Adam rolled over on to his back

Adam felt himself start to laugh, high on adrenaline and the cold and Ronan’s face hovering over him as he knelt by Adam’s side. “Are you okay?” he asked, warm hand coming up to Adam’s head, _looking for blood_ , Adam’s brain supplied.

“I’m fine.” But rather than sitting up, he pulled Ronan down next to him. He relented, spreading out at Adam’s side. “It felt like flying,” Adam said after a few beats.

“What’s the difference between flying and falling?” Ronan asked, turning his head to look at Adam. In the yellow light of the streetlamp, he was a different kind of beautiful. Soft and simple lines.

“Trajectory.” Adam looked down at Ronan’s lips and then back up at his eyes. Ronan’s gaze flicked down at his lips and took a much longer time getting back up to Adam’s eyes. Adam wasn’t sure who began to lean in first—

Adam’s phone, ringing loudly in his pocket startled him so much that he almost jumped out of his skin. Ronan had also jerked away at the sudden noise, half a foot between them now. “ _Motherfucker_ ,” he swore, rubbing at the back of his head

Adam pulled his phone from his pocket, Blue’s photo flashing across the screen. “Jesus Christ,” he swore, catching his breath before answering the call. “Hi, Blue.”

Ronan rolled his eyes and sat up, Adam watching every movement. “Where are you guys?” Blue asked. Adam had to physically turn his gaze away from Ronan to focus on the call.

“Um, hanging out?”

“What?” Blue sounded incredulous. “Never mind. You guys heading over here soon?”

“Yeah.” Adam looked up at the starless sky. “Yeah, we just gotta make a quick pitstop first.”

***

“Finally,” Blue said as she swung open the door. “Oh, you brought a puppy!” she reached out pet Max. “You’re forgiven. Come on in.”

Ronan led Adam inside; Max snuggled in his arms. Just like he had yesterday, Ronan fell in love with Max instantly.

“Sorry we’re late,” Adam hugged his best friend, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

Ronan disappeared into the house, Blue watching him for a moment before turning back to Adam. “How was it?” her voice dropped to a whisper.

“The date?” Adam asked, keeping his voice low as he toed off his shoes. “It was fine.”

“Fine?” Blue regarded him to incredulously. Adam felt an unbidden smile tugging at his mouth. “Adam Parrish!” her voice was still low, but the intention was there. “Dish.”

“A gentleman never kisses and tells,” he smiled down at her, took of his coat and hung it by the door.

“You kissed?” Blue’s voice rose a little too much and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

“No,” Adam sighed. “You interrupted us when you called.”

Blue looked appropriately apologetic, she opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a clatter from the kitchen and Max’s excited barks.

“C’mon,” Adam said, hurrying to the kitchen. Ronan had Gansey in a headlock (again) and Gansey was wheezing with laughter (also, again). Blue rolled her eyes and pulled Ronan’s arm away from her husband’s neck.

Adam found it interesting that this was happening the same way it had happened yesterday. Whatever it was that they were roughhousing over must have happened again.

“Can we please eat?” Blue asked. “If this prime rib is dry, I’m going to kill all of you.”

“Yes,” Gansey pushed his glasses up his nose, still catching his breath. “Sorry, Jane.”

Blue’s mouth twisted in a way that Adam knew she was trying not to smile. “You boys go and sit.”

The table was set, the sides laid out. It smelled delicious and Adam wasn’t even a little mad that he was eating the same dinner two nights in a row. Ronan sat down next to Adam, giving him a small smile out of the corner of his eye. Gansey looked between the two of them and asked, “so, Lynch, are you taking Adam to Mass?”

As much as Adam had enjoyed the service the night before, he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to go two nights in a row. Not after how much it had hurt last time.

“I don’t know, it’s not a _last night on earth_ kind of activity.”

“What?” Gansey’s brows were furrowed together.

“Parrish had this grand idea that we would spend the day as if it were our last night on earth.”

“What does that entail?” Gansey, ever the scholar. Adam was comforted to know that some things never change.

“Well, Parrish shamelessly hit on me and then we did donuts in an empty parking lot.” Adam found himself flushing, mouth opening to defend himself, but he couldn’t find the words.

Blue, who was carrying the prime rib on a carving tray, said, “hot boys and fast cars, that’s your dream, isn’t it Lynch?”

“And what would you do with your last night on earth, Maggot?”

Blue placed the hunk of meat on the table and began slicing it. “I’d want to spend it with my family,” she said at last. “You two,” she gestured at Adam and Ronan with the carving knife, “included.”

“I’d like to go to the Library of Congress,” Gansey said, a little wistfully. “Learn as much as I possibly can—Oh, ouch!” Blue had cuffed Gansey across the back of his head. “And then spend the rest of the day with my wonderful wife.”

“Fucking nerd,” Ronan fake coughed.

“What about you, Adam?” Gansey asked, shooting Ronan a Look.

“I don’t know,” he thought about getting a tattoo, tipping the artist, handing out winter coats and cash to the homeless. “I’d just want to do whatever I want, and for once not to worry about the consequences.”

Blue was looking at him, and unreadable expression crossing her face. “Adam Parrish.”

“What?”

Blue came around the table to wrap him in a hug. “I love you and I’m so proud of you,” she whispered into his good ear. After one last squeeze she stood back up. “Okay, enough of this emotional shit. Let’s eat.”

***

After dinner, Adam, Ronan, and Blue retired to the living room while Gansey did the dishes. Blue was telling them a story about the Christmas that Maura burned no less than three pies in a row when she got a little too drunk on eggnog.

Adam was mindlessly flipping through a back issue of the New Yorker, half-listening to Blue’s story which he had heard many times before. He flipped a page a little too hard, ripping it clear out. “Whoops,” he said, Blue glanced over and fondly rolled her eyes before returning to her story.

Ronan was sitting on the couch next to Adam, Max curled up in his lap. He glanced at Adam sidelong, but Adam just shrugged and began folding the paper into a triangle, tearing off the excess so that he had a square.

Ronan started to tell a story about the Christmas his family had been stuck in their house for three days because of a freak snowstorm. Adam continued to fold the paper as he listened to Ronan describe the Barns. At last, Adam had a paper crane sitting in the palm of his hand.

He gingerly placed the paper crane on Ronan’s knee, the little bird in stark contrast with the black denim. Ronan glanced down, a small smile tugging at his lips. He picked it up carefully (so, _so_ carefully) inspecting it thoughtfully.

“Where’d you learn to do this?”

“YouTube,” Adam shrugged nonchalantly. He needed something to do while he waited at the tattoo parlor earlier.

“You are a marvel.”

That gave Adam pause, he hadn’t thought that he’d get to hear Ronan say that to him again.

“Okay, as much as I love watching you two awkwardly flirt with each other,” Blue said sarcastically. “What are we doing tonight?”

“What do you mean?” Adam asked, turning away from Ronan reluctantly.

“This whole _last night on earth_ thing,” Blue finished off her wine. “Surely, sitting in my living room pretending like you don’t want to jump each other’s bones isn’t the way either of you would want to do with your last night on earth. I know, it’s not how _I’d_ want to spend it.”

Ronan just rolled his eyes and petted Max. Adam watched him, watched the muscles in his forearms flex and relax. Adam wanted those hands _on_ him—

“I saw a promotion for a club today. No cover, ladies drink free,” Adam said suddenly.

“Now we’re cooking with peanut oil!” Blue whooped, her face spreading into a bright smile.

“A night club?” Ronan sneered, turning to look at Adam.

“Hot boys, fast cars, and shitty music,” Blue chirped. “Sounds like your kind of night.”

Ronan’s dark eyebrows drew together, his eyes narrowing. “Shut up, Maggot.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Says you, _ladies_ ,” he mocked, “drink for free.”

Blue smiled haughtily, “I’ve been to a couple clubs with Adam before. Trust me, Ronan, you’ll have a great time.”

Ronan looked between them, Blue grinning and Adam blushing. Before Ronan could respond, Gansey stepped into the living room. “We’re going dancing?”

***

They somehow convinced Ronan to leave the BMW at Gansey and Blue’s, Adam offering to pay for the Uber. Despite Gansey’s mature ( _we can't do shots of 30-year-old scotch, Dick, what the hell is wrong with you?_ ) taste in alcohol, the four of them were well on their way to tipsy before the car arrived.

“I love you so much,” Ronan was saying to Max, staring him in the eye as he petted him. He was sprawled out on his stomach on the floor of the living room. From where Adam was sitting, he could see the dark lines of Ronan’s tattoo peeking out over the top of his sweater.

“Lynch, you’re drunk,” Blue said from the doorway. She had gone upstairs to get ready, returning with holographic glitter in her hair.

“Maggot, you’re short,” Ronan shot back, not looking away from Max.

Blue scoffed and swept out of the living room again. Adam watched her disappear before nudging Ronan with his socked foot.

“What, Parrish?” his face was screwed up into a scowl, but there was no heat to his tone.

“Can I see your tattoo?”

Ronan jerked up coming to a half-sitting, half-kneeling position. “What?”

“Your tattoo,” Adam tried to nudge him again, but Ronan was too far away now.

Ronan’s hand came up to grab Adam’s ankle before he could swing his leg back into place. “My tattoo?”

“Wow, you really are drunk.”

Ronan gaped at him as Blue returned from wherever she had disappeared to moments before. “Uber’s almost here. Let’s get moving, boys.”

Adam stood, holding out a hand to help Ronan up. They were both tipsy, drunk on expensive scotch and opportunity, so it was a wonder that they didn’t topple over altogether. Ronan paused when he stood, his hand still grasped tightly in Adam’s.

“You’ve got nice hands,” he said at last, almost perfunctorily, save the tinge of pink to his ears. Ronan turned on one heel and stalked away, Adam following, speechless, in his wake.

By the time Adam walked into the foyer, Blue and Gansey were ready to go, but Ronan was just pulling on his boots. Adam took his time putting on his shoes and then his coat, focused enough on the task that he didn’t notice Ronan taking off his sweater.

“Lynch, what the hell are you doing?” Blue asked.

“I’m not going to go to a club in a fucking sweater,” he said, voice muffled. At last, the offending piece of clothing was off, and Ronan was left in a black tank top.

Blue regarded him exasperatedly, “if you freeze, it’ll be your own damn fault.”

Ronan shrugged on his leather jacket and threw an arm over Blue’s shoulders. Their height difference was comical when they stood so close together. “I’ll be fine. We can huddle up like penguins to keep warm.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Adam quipped, finally getting his coat on. He had not been distracted by the pale expanse of Ronan’s arms; he was just too drunk to multitask.

“Car’s here!” Gansey, the drunkest of them all beamed. Blue moved to open the door, Gansey stopping her with a hand. “Wait, before we go. I just want to say—”

“Last one to the car is a fucking loser!” Ronan called, throwing the door open and racing out of the house. Blue quickly followed after him, the two of them closing in on the shiny white Ford Escape idling at the curb.

“That I love you all,” Gansey finished, unperturbed. He was smiling fondly at the retreating figures of his best friend and his wife.

“C’mon, Gans,” Adam patted him on the back twice. “Let’s go.”

Adam made sure the door was locked behind him, making him the last to get to the car and, “the biggest fucking loser of all, Parrish.”

Adam paid Ronan no mind, slipping into the back seat, his leg pressing against Ronan’s. The driver started to pull away from the curb as Adam said, voice low, “if I’m the loser, why are you sitting in the middle?”

“I get carsick,” he huffed.

“Then why aren’t you sitting in the front?”

“Sargent called shotgun.”

Adam knew that Ronan didn’t lie, but this seemed like some sort of omission. He didn’t really care, if Ronan wanted to spend the ten-minute drive downtown with his thigh pressed against Adam’s, he wasn’t going to complain.

When they arrived at the club, there was a line outside, but it was thankfully moving quickly. The four of them hopped out of the car, Gansey less than gracefully slipping their Uber driver a large tip and wishing him happy holidays.

Ronan stayed glued to Adam’s side, his hands tucked into his pockets, shivering slightly. “You regret not wearing your sweater?” Adam asked, teasing.

“Fuck off, Parrish.”

They had their IDs checked by the bouncer and they were herded inside just a few minutes later, Ronan visibly relaxing. There was a ridiculous line at the coat check, and Blue slipped out of her layers and handed them to Gansey, pressing a kiss to his cheek before disappearing into the crowd with the promise of ordering them drinks.

Adam took off his coat while they waited in line, for the sake of efficiency. While they were waiting, Gansey and Ronan arguing about whether or not _Die Hard_ was a Christmas movie, Adam let the pounding bass and the overlapping of the voices from the club wash over him.

He hadn’t gone clubbing much when he was in undergrad. In the first few years after he had lost half his hearing, Adam had avoided places like this like the plague. It wasn’t until he was in law school that he started to enjoy clubs and nightlife. It was still something he could only do occasionally, but it was an easy way to get lost in something, to let something outside of his brain run the show for a little while.

Adam was already starting to sweat, and there were still a handful of people in front of them. He carefully pulled off his sweater, instantly feeling better in just his undershirt.

“Is that a tattoo?” Ronan asked, pointing at his arm.

Adam had almost forgotten about the tattoo, still wrapped in its shiny plastic. “Oh, yeah. I got it today.”

“What the fuck?” Ronan was smiling strangely. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have any others?”

They moved up, Gansey finally at the counter going on and on about how he had his and his wife’s coat. He really was drunk. “Uh, no.”

“Then why today?”

Gansey stepped aside, Adam handing over his coat and sweater, the coat check attendant handing him a number. “Why do you think?”

Ronan just shook his head ruefully, giving the attendant his jacket without looking away from Adam.

“Come on,” Gansey whined, pulling on Ronan’s arm.

“What? You miss Sargent already?” Ronan said over the music. Adam kept him on his good side, and they were close enough in height that he could still hear him well enough.

There was a mumble of noise that Adam assumed was Gansey’s reply, but he didn’t care, looking for Blue at the bar. He spotted her easily enough, the glitter in her hair catching the light of the club. “There’s Blue,” he pointed at her and the other two men followed him to the bar.

“Oh good!” Blue said after Adam tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around. “I just ordered!”

Adam had, out of necessity gotten really good at reading lips in college. It was a skill that came in handy in times like these. Gansey had sidled up next to his wife as soon as they found her, wrapping an arm around her waist and admiring the glitter in her hair.

There was a conversation going on that Adam paid no mind to, just enjoying the press of Ronan’s arm against his own as they waited for their drinks.

“Oh my god!” Blue had crowded up against him, pulling Adam’s right arm out to look at the tattoo. “Is that real?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Adam shrugged.

She studied it in the low light of the club, but Adam could tell when she recognized the willow tree. “Oh Adam,” she pulled him in for a tight hug, speaking into his good ear for the second time that night, “I love you and I’m so proud of you.”

Blue pulled away when Gansey alerted her to their drinks arriving, an array of well drinks, and a row of shots.

“Please tell me that’s not tequila,” Adam said, eyeing Blue warily. The shots had salt around the rim, and they came with a plate of limes.

Blue, knowing that Adam couldn’t hear her smiled mischievously before handing Adam a shot and a lime wedge. “Bottom’s up!” she yelled as the four of them lick the salt of the rim, throw back their shots, and pop the lime between their teeth.

They took their cocktails from the bar and followed Blue around the perimeter of the main dance floor looking for a free table. Blue, in her all her terrifying five-foot-nothing glory scared a group of Georgetown co-eds from a booth at the back of the club. Thankfully it was far enough away from the dancefloor and the speakers that the ambient noise of the club settled to a pleasant hum.

The four of them people watched and took turns buying drinks at the bar. At some point Adam was tired of sitting, skin buzzing with his proximity to Ronan. Blue had dragged Gansey on to the dancefloor a little while ago, disappearing into the throng of bodies.

Adam glanced over at Ronan, the sharp angle of his cheekbones catching the swirling lights of the club. He remembered what Noah had told him earlier. _Anything_ , he thought, _I can do anything_.

“Want to dance?” Adam asked.

Ronan didn’t say anything just nodded and stood. Adam didn’t mind his lack of response, he knew Ronan well enough by now that he could tell that Ronan wasn’t uninterested, he was _nervous_.

It was okay, Adam could have the confidence for the both of them.

He led Ronan out to the dancefloor, hand-in-hand. They stopped somewhere in the middle, surrounded on all sides by bodies and _heat_.

Ronan was still hesitant, barely meeting Adam’s eyes. With a huff, Adam pulled him close, arms going around Ronan’s waist. He could feel Ronan’s warm breath ghost over his cheek as Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders.

Adam had been craving this kind of touch for so long, had been craving Ronan’s touch for _days_. But he hadn’t realized just what it would be like to have Ronan pressed up against him, hands ghosting over Adam’s shoulders, across the back of his neck; ribs expanding and contracting as he breathed.

They weren’t really dancing, just swaying side to side as they clutched at each other in the dark of the club, bass thumping through the floor and up through his feet. Ronan’s hands had traveled to Adam’s waist, slowly trailing down to his hips. Adam took the opportunity to do some exploring of his own, fingers pressing into the lines of the tattoo that peeked out over Ronan’s shoulders and around his neck.

“Adam,” Ronan said against Adam’s cheek.

Adam cupped his jaw, tilting Ronan’s face so that they could slot their noses together. Ronan’s eyes were screwed tight, his hands squeezing Adam’s waist.

All Adam wanted to do was to kiss Ronan, he wanted Ronan to kiss him. He was overcome with want.

“ _Adam_ ,” Ronan said again, or at least that’s what Adam thought he said just based on the movement of his lips and the tremors shaking through him.

“ _Ronan_ ,” Adam said, his eyes sliding open, pupils blown.

There were a few seconds of blissful, fuzzy white silence as Ronan finally, finally started to lean in to kiss him.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming,” Adam sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've seen the movie, you're probably really confused at to wtf happened in this chapter. But if you've seen the movie, you also probably know that day six is dumb and we deserve better than that. 
> 
> Though, I did not mean to write 7k words, that's all on me. 
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	7. Seven Swans a Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the seventh day of Christmas, Ronan plays some hockey.

“I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming,” Adam sighed.

“Are you okay?” Noah asked, reaching out a hand to help Adam up.

“Fine,” Adam got to his feet, dusting off the back of his jeans. “Thanks, Noah.”

“Uh,” Noah started. He was holding the bag with Jackie’s present in it. God, it felt like it had been _years_ ago that he bought that. Felt like it had been _years_ since he had been trying to get Jackie back.

“Keep it, merry Christmas.” 

Adam walked to his Metro stop, skin still buzzing with the memory of Ronan. Of Ronan almost kissing him.

He was being driven mad with want, and he still had another—Adam checked his watch for the third time in half as many minutes—fifteen minutes before Ronan would text him. It didn’t help that once he was on the train, he wouldn’t have service.

When he got off the Green Line at the Waterfront Station, the text was waiting for him.

**+14348892370**   
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

Adam paused, thinking. After a moment, he responded.

_Sure, unless there’s something you’d rather do?_

He hit _send_ before he could rethink his message.

Three little dots appeared and disappeared a few times before Adam got a response. He watched the screen carefully, running into someone as he was walking.

“Oh, I’m so—” Adam looked up to see that he had run into Declan. Again. _Of course_ , he thought. “Sorry, that’s on me.”

Declan still looked helpless and miserable as he tried to zip-tie lights to the snowflake frame. “It’s fine,” he sounded so defeated, pale cheeks tinged pink in the cold. This Declan was so different than the one he had met three days ago. He wondered if Ronan ever saw this side of his older brother.

Adam’s phone finally buzzed in his hand, he scrambled to unlock it to see the message from Ronan.

**+14348892370**   
_Yeah. I have something that could work._

***

Adam didn’t go to Alexandria often, in fact, he didn’t remember the last time he had crossed the Potomac; and that wasn’t just because he had been living the same day over and over again.

He took the Blue Line from L’Efant to Alexandria, Henry’s spice cake precariously balanced on his lap. Adam had rushed up to his apartment to shower and change for his date but had profusely thanked Henry for the spice cake. Considering that he had been living the same day over and over again, Adam figured he could share the cake at least this once.

Adam followed the GPS on his phone from the King St. station to the Cabeswater Ice Plaza. It was only a few blocks, but it was extra cold this close to the river. The place was surprisingly busy when Adam walked in, he was even more surprised to see that the rink was packed with _teenagers_ in various states of hockey paraphernalia.

He wandered through the rink until he found Ronan who was sitting on the bleachers talking to a group of kids as they unlaced their skates. Adam waited until the kids were dismissed before making his way to Ronan.

“Ronan?”

Ronan turned; expression guarded for a moment. “You must be Adam,” he gave Adam a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smile.

“I sure am.” Adam glanced around the rink, watched kids huddle together and whisper pointing at the two of them. “Do you coach these kids?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” Ronan caught the eye of the two kids gossiping about them. “Severin and Montague, if you don’t get a move on the two of you will be doing extra suicides on Wednesday!” The two kids scurried off towards the locker rooms. “Sorry about that.”

“Wow, Gansey and Blue didn’t mention you were a coach.”

Ronan shrugged, feigning casualness. “I’ve been coaching the U-15 team for a few years now.”  
  


“I thought you just moved to D.C.?” Adam was genuinely confused by this; this was his sixth first date with Ronan, and somehow he was still learning new things.

“It’s complicated. Anyway,” he glanced around, a few of the kids were leaving the locker rooms, duffle bags over their shoulders. “I should probably go change. Do you mind waiting here?”

“No, of course not.”

Ronan smiled again. “Great. That snack bar,” he pointed across the rink, “is terrible, but it has the best coffee this side of the Potomac. Why don’t you grab a cup, and I’ll be back in just a few minutes?”

“Sure,” Adam feeling brave and incandescent said, “I have a really good feeling about this.”

“Me too, Parrish.” Ronan’s smile lit up the whole damn rink. “Me too.”

Ronan wandered off to the locker rooms and Adam slipped off his coat and let it and the spice cake on the bleachers. He made his way to the snack bar and ordered a coffee, adding sugar when the employee handed it over to him. After taking a sip, he realized Ronan was right; they had damn good coffee. 

As Adam walked back to the bleachers, he noticed that there were framed photographs hanging on the walls; team photos and action shots lined up on the perimeter of the rink. At the end, nearest the bleachers was a photo of Ronan and a young girl with blonde hair sticking out under a white skullcap. They were both smiling impishly at the camera, holding up a large silver trophy between them.

“That’s Opal,” a voice on Adam’s deaf side said, startling him. It was one of the kids who had been gossiping about him and Ronan, Severin or Montague. “She’s our captain. But she bolted this morning.”

“Bolted?” Adam asked, concerned for a totally different reason than being snuck up on. “From where?”

“The group home where some of us live. You know, when we’re between foster homes.” He gestured to the photo next to the one of Opal and Ronan, a team photo with a banner proclaiming:

_Cabeswater Swans_   
_Co-Ed Under 15 League_   
_2021 State Champions_

“And _Ronan_ is your coach?” Adam didn’t mean to sound so incredulous. He knew that Ronan played hockey, and that despite his tough exterior, he knew how to be gentle—

Now that Adam was thinking about it, it really shouldn’t have been such a surprise.

“Coach, sometimes cook, sometimes tutor,” Severin/Montague shrugged. “A man of many talents.”

“Apparently,” Adam said thoughtfully, studying the Ronan in the photo, comparing him to the Ronan he knew. Storing both of those Ronans away to be analyzed later.

“So,” Severin/Montague’s eye narrowed. “You two together now?”

“Uh,” Adam laughed, “for tonight.” That wasn’t technically a lie.

“Good. Just so you know, if you hurt him, we’ll kill you.”

Adam thought about what 25 fourteen-year-olds were capable of and thought better of crossing them. “I’ll take that under advisement,” Adam laughed again.

“Montague,” Ronan’s gruff voice said form behind them. “You better get going before curfew.”

“I know that you’re just trying to get rid of me.” Montague smiled mischievously, eyebrows waggling.

“That’s it, you’re doing extra suicides next practice,” Ronan’s cheeks were tinged pink.

Montague shrugged it off, shouldering a navy-blue duffle bag. “Merry Christmas, Coach.”

“Merry Christmas,” Ronan ruffled Montague’s russet hair as he passed. “Sorry about that,” he said to Adam. “Thank you for meeting me here.”

Adam glanced at the photo and back at Ronan. “I’m glad I did,” he replied truthfully.

“It would’ve been tough on some of these kids not to have something on Christmas Eve,” he shrugged noncommittally, like he hadn’t spent a holiday corralling a bunch of teenagers on ice skates all afternoon.

“Why did you agree to see me?” Ronan’s expression became guarded again, and Adam mentally kicked himself. “I just mean.” Adam glanced around at the kids leaving the rink, waving and calling out to Ronan. “They are _way_ more important than meeting me.”

Ronan’s eyes narrowed inquisitively, like he didn’t believe what Adam was saying. “Not according to Gansey.”

“Gansey? Not Blue?”

“Yeah, Gansey,” Ronan led Adam away from the photos. “He thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced fucking bread. He goes on and on about you sometimes, _Parrish graduated from Harvard with honors_ ,” he did a pretty good impression of Gansey’s old money Virginia accent. “ _Parrish replaced the brake pads on the Pig with his eyes closed_.”

Adam felt himself flush. “I actually replaced the timing belt, not the brake pads. And I did it with my eyes open, like a normal mechanic.”

“My statement still stands.”

“He’s an odd duck,” Adam said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“But a good egg,” Ronan smiled. “Anyway. You ready?” he held up a pair of skates. Adam glanced down to see that Ronan was wearing a pair of skates, so the one in his hand must have been for Adam. 

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Ronan pointed to the bleachers with Adam skates. “Blue gave me your shoe size.”

“Why does she know my shoe size?” Adam asked, sitting down on the bleachers. Ronan sat backwards on the bench below him, looking up at Adam.

“I don’t know.”

“Why did you think to ask her?”

“She comes from a bunch of witches.” Somehow this didn’t seem like an insult, despite the words. “Now take off your shoes.”

“Pushy,” Adam rolled his eyes, toeing off his shoes. Ronan started to help him into the skates, lacing them tightly. “I’ve never ice-skated before,” Adam admitted.

“Really?” Ronan looked up at him through his dark lashes. Even in the florescent lighting, he was beautiful.

Adam shrugged, incapable of speaking for a moment. “I’m just letting you know that I’m not like those young and spry kids you coach. I’m not going to suddenly go on and win state championships just because you’re teaching me.”

Ronan laughed, moving on to Adam’s left foot. “It’s not their youth that makes them good,” he said, tightening the laces with practiced ease. Adam wondered how many kids he had laced up in their first pair of skates. “It’s their anger.”

“Maybe I _should’ve_ played hockey growing up.”

Ronan looked up at him again, this time Adam was almost prepared for those icy eyes framed in black.

Almost.

“C’mon, Parrish,” Ronan stood, extending out an arm to take Adam’s hand and help him up.

They carefully walked over to the rink, Adam hobbling behind Ronan in his skates. There was an opening in the wall around the rink, Ronan stepping out on to the ice with confidence. Adam hesitated at the entrance.

“I’ve got you,” Ronan said, hands out for Adam to take, leading him out onto the ice, letting Ronan do all the work. He watched Ronan’s feet, the way he pushed off each foot smoothly, skates cutting across the ice.

They glided across the ice, Ronan keeping them steady and upright. “Not bad, huh?” Ronan asked, smiling broadly.

“I think I get why people do this.”

Adam spoke too soon.

With a surge of unearned confidence, Adam let go of Ronan’s hands and tried to mirror Ronan’s movements, pushing off one skate to propel himself forward. The next thing Adam knew, the world was tilting, and he was on his ass on the ice.

“Oh, shit.” Ronan skated closer, helping Adam to his feet. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Adam got up before Ronan led him back over to the perimeter of the rink to lean against the wall. “I’m deaf in my left ear, so my balance is a little off.”

Ronan doesn’t reply at first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine,” Adam waved him off. “But maybe I shouldn’t, you know.”

“We can go if you want—”

“No, no,” Adam reached out for Ronan’s hands, his warm palms fitting over Adam’s. “I want to keep skating.”

Ronan glanced down at Adam’s hands, expression unreadable. Or, at least Ronan meant it to be unreadable. Adam already knows that Ronan liked his hands.

“Fine, Parrish.” He sighs long-sufferingly.

“So, how did you get into this?” Adam asks once they’re skating again.

“Hockey?” Adam nodded and Ronan continued. “My dad played, so my brothers and I played.” He shrugged. “We played here,” he gestured to the rink with his head, not letting go of Adam’s hands. “At Cabeswater, actually.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, so it was only time before I started coaching.” They started their second turn around the rink. “My, uh, late husband, and I lived here for a few years until he was diagnosed.”

There was a beat. “Cancer?” Adam asked, tone light.

“Mhm. We moved to my family home like an hour away from here, but I commuted a couple times a week because I loved these kids.”

“Montague said something about one of the kids, Opal, ran away this morning.”

Ronan sighed. “Yeah, it’s not the first time, but I’m still worried about her.” His hands tightened on Adam’s. “She’s been on the U-15 team since she was twelve.”

“Really?” Adam remembered the wiry girl in the photo, he wondered what she would’ve looked like at twelve.

He smiled wanly, think about Opal. “Yeah, she wanted to play on a co-ed team, and the U-15 is the only one at Cabeswater.”

“And she wanted to play here?”

Ronan shrugged. “She’s good. Really good. Super fast. And surprisingly intimidating on the rink despite her size.” There was a smile tugging at his mouth.

“You really care about those kids.” It’s not a question.

“I do.”

“Opal most of all.” Again, not a question.

“Yeah, Opal most of all.” He paused. “She reminded me of myself,” his smile is tight, but it’s a smile, nonetheless.

“Do you play?” Adam asked, despite knowing the answer. “Or do you just coach?”

“You’re looking at Ronan ‘the Rocket’ Lynch, starting defenseman for the Cabeswater Kings,” Ronan smiled a little wolfishly. “We’re currently undefeated in the Alexandria Senior League.”

“Really?” Adam met his smile, Ronan’s fingers brushing over his wrist. “Aren’t hockey players supposed to have, you know—”

“Don’t fucking say it,” Ronan laughed.

“Hair?”

“Fuck off, Parrish.”

They continued to circle around the rink, but instead of Ronan skating backwards, holding both of Adam’s hands, Ronan let go of one and moved they were skating next to each other; holding hands. He was on Adam’s hearing side.

“When my dad died,” Ronan sighed. “Every time I looked in the mirror, he was all I saw.” Adam wanted to catch Ronan’s eye, but he also didn’t want to fall on his ass. Again. “So I shaved my head. Now it’s like my thing.” Ronan squeezed his hand. “The kids call it an _aesthetic_.”

Adam laughed, shoulder bumping into Ronan’s. “Teenagers are weird.”

“So weird. Anyway, I had _great_ flow back in the day. Un-fucking-matched.”

“I’d like to see evidence of that claim.”

Ronan scoffed. “Fucking nerd.”

***

Once they were tired of skating, Ronan helped Adam take off his skates and led him out to the BMW. Adam asked while they were on the ice if Ronan was willing to drive all the way to East Hill to pick up Max, and Ronan huffed a long-suffering sigh before agreeing.

Adam left Ronan in the car as he met up with Jackie, holding Max close against the cold as he climbed back into the BMW.

“Ronan ‘the Rocket’ Lynch, meet Max.” Max barked excitedly at his new friend.

“No last name?” Ronan reached out to scratch under Max’s chin.

“Nope. He’s like Cher.”

Ronan snorted. “Hi, Max,” he said gently, stroking a hand across the top of Max’s head. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The car was idling at the curb, heat pumping through the vents, but Adam’s heart was beating out of his chest like he was holding on to that dolly spinning around the parking lot of an abandoned building.

After a few moments, Ronan pulled away, chancing a glance up at Adam. “You okay?” he asked, brows drawing together in concern.

“Fine,” Adam said tightly. Not allowing himself more than one-word answers, afraid what might come out of his mouth.

“Okay,” Ronan turned away and shifted the car into gear. “Let’s get out of here before Blue has a conniption.”

The drive to Gansey and Blue’s was familiar at this point, Ronan at his side, the speedometer climbing. “So, that was your ex?” Ronan asked when they were stopped at a red light.

“Yeah,” Adam stroked a hand down the length of Max’s back. “We broke up over a year ago.”

“Why?” There was a tense pause that Adam didn’t know how to fill. “I’m sorry. That’s none of my business you don’t have to—”

“I was kind of a terrible boyfriend,” Adam cut him off. “A little too focused on our future and less on our actual relationship. We were together for two years, and after six months I knew it wasn’t going to work, but I was too scared to admit to myself. Too scared to let her go.”

There was another tense pause, and Adam wanted to throw himself out of a window—

“You seem to have a fair amount of self-awareness,” Ronan said at last, tone light.

Adam snorted, still a little embarrassed. “Thanks. I’ve been working on that a lot lately.”

They pulled up to Gansey and Blue’s house, the car still rumbling beneath them; alive and present. “We’re not our mistakes. They don’t define us.”

Adam looked over at Ronan fully, face lit by the dash. “I can’t believe we get to exist at the same time,” Adam said at last, the words pouring out of his mouth.

Ronan leaned towards Adam slightly, glancing down at Adam’s lips.

Until there was a knock on the window.

Adam jumped, Max yelped, and Ronan swore viciously. Adam turned to see Blue, arms crossed, brows furrowed, corners of her lips turned down, standing jus tout side of the BMW.

“She’s got to stop doing that,” Adam mumbled under his breath before rolling down the window. “Hi, Blue.”

“What are you two doing out here?”

Ronan huffed out a breath. “Happy fucking Christmas to you too, Maggot.”

Blue rolled her eyes, leaning into the BMW, arms braced on the open window. “Happy fucking Christmas, Lynch. You guys gonna come inside anytime soon?”

“Yeah, give us a minute,” Adam said, voice tight.

Blue regarded him carefully. “Fine, let me take Max at least.”

Adam relented, just wanting Blue to leave them alone. Once Max was secured in Blue’s arms, Adam rolled up the window and glanced over at Ronan who was staring out the windshield. “She’s got the worst fucking timing.”

Ronan snorted, finally looking over at Adam. “No fucking kidding.” He turned off the car; Adam missed the hum of the engine immediately. “But we should go before she sends Gansey out here to Gansey at us.”

“God forbid,” Adam joked, climbing out of the car. They walked up to the front door, close enough for their shoulders to bump into each other in a way that might be accidental, but they both knew was on purpose. Blue had left the door unlocked, Adam and Ronan kicking off their shoes in the quiet foyer, the sound of Gansey and Blue cooing at Max echoing through the hall.

Before Adam could follow their voices deeper into the house, Ronan caught his hand. Adam turned and watched as Ronan lifted Adam’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his dry, cracked knuckles.

Ronan didn’t say anything, just let Adam’s hand fall to his side before disappearing into the house. Adam stood mutely in the foyer for a moment, heart racing, face burning, still feeling the phantom press of Ronan’s lips.

“Adam Parrish, get your ass in here!” Blue called. “If this prime rib is dry, I’m going to kill you! I don’t care if it’s Christmas!”

Adam took a deep, steadying breath, before walking towards her voice. They were gathered in the dining room, Max wiggling excitedly in Ronan’s arms. The table was set, the prime rib on the carving board. “Alright, let’s eat.”

***

As usual, Gansey has asked Ronan if he was going to take Adam Mass, and Adam found himself agreeing. A little after eleven, Adam, Ronan, and Max got back into the BMW.

Unlike last time, Ronan warned Adam that his brothers would be at midnight Mass before they were on their way to the Basilica.

“They’ll probably be on their best behavior,” Ronan said apprehensively, not meeting Adam’s eye.

Adam wasn’t worried about the brothers Lynch; he had already spent one midnight Mass with them. He could do it again.

“It’s fine,” Adam assured him. “I really don’t mind.”

Ronan snorted, sounding a little more like himself. “How many first dates have you been on where you’ve met the family?”

Adam knew that Ronan would appreciate his honesty, so he said, “I guess this makes two.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, really.” Adam couldn’t help the smile spreading over his face, so he turned towards the window, lest Ronan think he was teasing him. He recognized their location, not realizing how far they’d gone. Adam had truly underestimated Ronan’s driving. “Hey, stop here.”

“What?” Ronan asked, eyes flicking away from the road for a moment.

“Pull over,” Adam pointed to a spot up ahead.

“Okay, Parrish.” Ronan did his best to sound put out, pulling the car up to the curb. “What now?”

“C’mon,” Adam unbuckled his seat belt and zipped up his coat before opening the door. “We’re getting out.”

“Are you insane?” Ronan looked genuinely concerned. “It’s freezing.”

Adam was already out of his seat, Max gently snoozing in his arms. “This won't take long.”

Ronan sighed before following Adam out of the car. He mumbled something under his breath before sidling up to Adam. “At least give me the dog.”

Adam laughed and handed Max over. “Let’s go.”

While on the Metro that afternoon, Adam had done some research. He remembered the path Ronan had driven from Georgetown to the National Shrine and was only a little surprised to find that he drove past Meridian Hill Park.

It wasn’t a long walk from where they parked to Ronan’s statue, it was on the west side of the park, opposite the statue of Dante. Adam figured this was an intentional choice. 

“You know—” Ronan started as they walked, rounding on the statue.

“ _The newest addition to Meridian Hill’s collection of prominent figures is the bronze statue of the poet Virgil by D.C.-based sculptor, Ronan Lynch_. _Rendered in the classical style, Lynch’s work is a call to the great Italian sculptors who have come before him_. _The Washington Post_ , July 9, 2021.” Adam quoted, a smile tugging at his lips. “I Googled you,” he shrugged.

They were standing in front of the statue, lit from below by recessed lighting in the marble plinth. Ronan was close enough that Adam could feel the heat coming off of him. “I see that.”

Adam smiled, leaning closer to read the plaque, butchering the Latin, as he said, “ _Audentes fortuna iuvat_.”

“Fortune favors the bold,” Ronan translated.

“It’s amazing, Ronan,” Adam looked up at the statue, studying the face. He looked familiar.

“I used my friend Czerny as the model,” Ronan was smiling up at the statue. “He’s got that same kind of haunted look about him that’s perfect for Virgil.”

“Holy shit, _Noah_?” Adam breathed, realization dawning on him. “Super white blond hair and green eyes?” he asked Ronan. “With the,” he gestured to his cheek where Noah’s scar was.

“Yeah,” Ronan looked taken aback. “How do you know him?”

“I met him today,” Adam looked back up at the statue. “I fell down at Macy’s and he helped me up.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.” Adam glanced at him sidelong, the corner of Ronan’s mouth twisting into a frown. He knew that this expression had more to do with Ronan thinking than his displeasure.

“Weird,” Ronan said at last, relaxing at Adam’s side.

“How did you two meet?”

Ronan laughed ruefully. “I did a semester at art school; Czerny was in my drawing and painting studio.”

“Just one? Semester, I mean.”

He shrugged carefully, not wanting to rustle Max too much. The sight warmed Adam to the core. “I’m not like you and Gansey.”

“Fucking nerds?”

Ronan barked a laugh. “Yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it.” He paused. “I just wanted to make stuff, not learn how to make stuff.”

Adam shrugged. “College isn’t for everyone.”

“Says the guy who did extra college.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to laugh. “Yeah I guess I did. But as previously established I’m a—”

“Fucking nerd,” Ronan teased.

“You’re the one with nerds for friends,” Adam shrugged.

“The statue was commissioned by the National Parks Service,” Ronan said, apropos of nothing. “They wanted a statue of Virgil for the 100th anniversary of the installation of _Dante Alighieri_.” Ronan’s pronunciation of the Latin was perfect. Smooth vowels and sharp consonants, tongue rolling over the R.

Adam was senselessly turned on.

“How long did it take?”

“Over a year.”

Adam knew that he must have started the piece before Laurie had died, he must have continued working on it after he had passed. It was a terrible thing to think about.

“You are a marvel,” Adam said at last, voice quiet.

Ronan looked over at him, an unfamiliar expression clouding his blue eyes. “Adam,” he said.

It sounded like more than just a name.

Adam leaned over, careful not to disturb Max and kissed Ronan square on the mouth.

Somewhere in the distance, bells were ringing.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“Well, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is the only update this weekend, finals week is kicking my ass. But I'm committed to finishing this by Christmas Eve, so there will be lots more very soon!
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	8. Eight Maids a Milking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the eighth day of Christmas, Gansey and Blue scam Georgetown.

“I’m getting real fucking tired of this shit, Noah,” Adam lamented as the blond helped him up.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I whole-heartedly agree.” Noah held out the Macy’s bag.

“Keep it,” Adam said dusting himself off. “Merry Christmas.” He turned on one foot before stalking out of the store.

Adam was tired. So tired. A week of first dates, all with varying levels of success. He thought back to what he had said to Blue before this whole mess had started, _most of us have to go through the painful monotony of dating_.

Not that any of his dates with Ronan could have been categorized as _monotonous_. Even the bad dates were interesting.

But Adam was tired. Tired of putting himself out there for Ronan to forget everything at the stroke of midnight. Tired of the kisses and the almost kisses. Tired of trying to get Ronan to fall for him all over again, night after night.

Maybe he was going crazy, and none of this was real. What was that fake Einstein quote?

“Uh, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?” a scruffy, hipster-looking dude replied, one eyebrow raised. Adam realized he had been speaking aloud.

“Oh, sorry.” Adam felt himself flush, he was on the Metro, sat between the hipster and an elderly black woman. “I didn’t—”

“No worries, dude,” the hipster waved him off. “The holidays are fucking stressful. I get it.”

“Thanks,” Adam glanced around and realized the train was approaching his stop. He stood and gave the hipster a grateful smile. “Happy holidays.”

“You too.”

Adam got off the train and walked the few blocks to his apartment. He saw Declan and his lights, giving him a wide berth so as not to walk into him. Again.

The sight of Declan reminded Adam that he had a text from Ronan to respond to.

**+14348892370**  
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

Adam sighed, hesitating before he responded. Just as much as Adam had enjoyed doing donuts in Ronan’s BMW and decorating Christmas trees and ice skating at Cabeswater, Adam was tired. Tired of working so hard and getting the same results. Tired of waking up on the floor of the fragrance department, his heart cracking a little more each time.

_That sounds great_.

Adam hit _send_ and tucked his phone back into his pocket. It buzzed as he ducked inside his building and he gave the new text as he headed up the stairs.

**+14348892370**  
_Cool._

Apparently, Ronan was always a terrible texter. Adam tucked that information away for later.

“Hello, neighbor!” Henry cheered as Adam was opening his door. “Those stairs are killer, huh?”

“No kidding,” he returned Henry’s smile.

“The super said it would be fixed by Christmas, but I don’t trust that woman as far as I could throw her,” Henry joked, and Adam chuckled kindly. “This is for you,” Henry held out the spice cake. “It’s a spice cake.”

“Thank you,” Adam took the dessert gratefully. “I’m Adam, by the way.” He stuck out his free hand to shake.

“Henry,” Henry replied, beaming. “Merry Christmas, Adam.”

“You too,” Adam watched Henry turn and disappear into his apartment before unlocking his door. He quickly showered and changed before leaving his apartment with enough time to meet Ronan a little before five.

He passed Declan and Jordan on his way, the two of them looking cold and miserable. The snowflake was taking shape, however. Adam ducked inside Nick’s, gaze landing on Ronan immediately.

“Mark?” Tad asked.

Adam had almost missed the familiarity of the blonde’s ever-present hope. “No, sorry.” Tad flushed, but Adam didn’t linger to embarrass him further. “Ronan?”

“Adam?” Ronan looked up, blue eyes as piercing as ever. The last time he had seen those eyes was right before Adam kissed him—

“Yeah,” Adam slipped out of his coat. “Have you ordered yet?”

“Uh, no.” Ronan glanced around the bar. “I just sat down.”

Adam knew that this was technically true, but Ronan had not admitted to coming to Nick’s early. “Merry Christmas,” he said as he sat down.

“You too,” Ronan gave him a small smile in return. The server came by then, Adam ordering a gin and tonic and Ronan a Guinness. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“What, Sargent didn’t give you the lowdown on me before our date?”

Adam laughed. “No. You’re kind of an enigma, Lynch.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “I highly doubt that.”

“C’mon,” Adam chided. “Humor me.”

He sighed long-sufferingly. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“What do you do?” Adam asked.

“I’m a sculptor.” Ronan fidgeted with a paper coaster; he didn’t look up at Adam.

“Anything I would have seen?” Adam pushed, wanting Ronan to open up.

“Are you familiar with the Dante statue in Meridian Hill Park?”

“Don’t tell me you’re some immortal being who sculpted a 100-year-old statue.”

Ronan huffed out a surprised laugh. “No, I was going to say that I was commissioned to make a companion piece. The statue of Virgil on the west side of the park?” his words drew up at the end like a question, like he wasn’t used to talking about his work.

“I’ve seen that,” Adam said honestly. “It’s really beautiful.” Ronan hummed and looked away, ears tinged pink. “How did you get the job?”

Ronan turned back to him. “I had a few smaller installations around D.C.,” he paused. “And my brother knows some people at the National Parks Service.”

“Ah, this city runs on nepotism, huh?”

Ronan laughed heartily. “Yeah, my brother has literally no fucking shame.”

This was their seventh first date, and Adam still felt a rush of excitement at the way Ronan swore; like it was releasing the last bit of tension between them. “So what do you do when you’re not sculpting bronze statues that go in National Parks?”

Ronan flushed. “I play hockey. Coach, too.”

“Really?” Adam smiled entreatingly, hoping to keep Ronan from getting embarrassed and clamming up.

“Mhm,” their server arrived and dropped off their drinks. “I’ve been coaching a co-ed under-fifteen team for a few years now.”

“The kids any good?”

Ronan smiled, obviously thinking about his team. “Yeah. They’re defending state champs.”

“Wow, you must be a great coach.”

“It’s all them,” Ronan waved him off, taking a long sip of his beer.

“Are you doing that fake-modest thing to try and impress me? Because two minutes ago you told me that you got a major art instillation because of nepotism.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Fuck off.” He took another sip of his drink, watching Adam all the while. “What about you? I mean, I know you work for the ACLU, but what else?”

“I don’t really have hobbies outside of work,” Adam admitted, embarrassed. “I’m what you would call—”

“Dedicated?”

“I was gonna say _workaholic_ , but sure, that sounds much better.” Ronan laughed gruffly; Adam wanted to hear that sound again. “I like what I do, and I think it’s important work. I don’t really need anything else outside of that.”

“C’mon, there’s got to be something. Model trains? Knitting? Rock collecting? Oh god, is it hiking? You seem like you could be one of those dudes who’s really into hiking.”

A laugh bubbled out of Adam. “No, I’m not really into hiking. I guess I play a lot of chess?” It sounded like a question.

“Chess?”

Adam shrugged. “My ex and I used to keep a running tally of how many games we had won.”

An unreadable look crossed his face for a moment before a smirk twisted at the corner of his mouth. “A running tally?”

Adam felt himself blush. “I told you I didn’t have hobbies!”

Ronan tapped his knuckles against the table, regarding Adam carefully. “My dad loved chess,” he said at last. “He used to play with my brother.”

“Not you?” Adam met the intensity in Ronan’s gaze.

He scoffed, “nah, I’m not a fucking nerd.”

“At least you have that going for you.” Adam slid his foot against Ronan’s under the table, smiling at him all the while. Ronan’s expression faltered, which only made Adam smile wider. He blushed furiously, looking down and away.

_Oh_ , Adam thought, _this is going to be fun_.

***

“So, is that the ex you played chess with?” Ronan asked after Adam had settled back into the car and Ronan pulled away from the curb.

Adam laughed, petting Max. “Yeah, that’s Jackie.”

“Who had the better record?”

Adam paused. “I’m not telling you.”

“Oh my god,” Ronan glanced at him, stopping at a red light. “She did, didn’t she?”

“Fuck off,” Adam can't help the smile stretching across his face, despite his embarrassment.

“You’re not even the best at your _only_ hobby.”

Adam barked out a laugh. “Stop making fun of me.”

“But it’s so easy. I mean, c’mon, Parrish. I can't believe you told me that you and your ex-girlfriend played chess and kept score even though you _didn’t have the winning record_.”

Adam can see where he’s coming from. But it’s annoying, nonetheless. “I’m sorry that I’m not a state championship winning hockey coach.”

Ronan laughed, smoothly shifting down as he turned towards Georgetown. Adam studied his profile for a moment as he spoke. “I cried like a fucking baby when they won the championship. Full on, adult man tears.”

“Really?” Adam almost didn’t believe it.

“Really. They worked so fucking hard. For years. For a lot of them, hockey was all they had.” Ronan’s gaze shot over to Adam and then back to the road. “Most of them are at-risk youth. Foster kids, kids from low-income areas.” He shrugged descriptively.

“I’m sure that anger lends itself well to hockey,” Adam said, scratching behind Max’s ears.

“You have no fucking idea.” They were turning on to Gansey and Blue’s street. Adam studied the festive looking houses out the window. “It helped me too, when I was a young, angry kid.”

Adam turned back to look at Ronan. The car was stopped outside the house. “I wish I had that kind of outlet when I was a young, angry kid.”

The air between them was charged with heavy half-truths.

Ronan nodded sagely. “We should get inside.” Adam hummed in agreement, unbuckling and climbing out of the car. Ronan came around the front of the BMW. “Here,” he held out his arms. “Let me take him.”

“Thanks,” Adam gave him a quick smile as he collected his bags from the backseat. They walked up to the house close enough together that Adam could feel the heat emanating off of Ronan, but far enough apart that they couldn’t touch.

Adam wondered if that was on purpose.

This was the first time they had arrived at Gansey and Blue’s without Blue having met them outside. He wondered how that would change the events of the rest of the night.

Ronan didn’t bother with ringing the doorbell, shouldering open the door and calling out. “Dick and Jane!” he held the door open enough for Adam to slip inside. They both started taking off their shoes. “You better be decent. We have minors abound.”

“Don’t tell me you brought your team of gremlins,” Blue says from somewhere inside the house. She finally appeared in the foyer. “Oh, you brought a puppy.”

“It’s Parrish’s ex-dog,” Ronan says, smiling wolfishly.

Blue just rolled her eyes and dutifully ignored Ronan as he brushed past her, disappearing down the hall.

“Hi,” Adam said at last.

“Hi. Merry Christmas.”

Adam, with his shoes finally off, walked over to her and dropped kiss to the top of her head. There’s a clatter from the kitchen. Adam’s so used to the sound by now that he doesn’t react beyond a small, private smile.

“Oh boy,” Blue says, turning and following the noise to the kitchen. They found Gansey in a headlock, laughing; Ronan flushed and grumbling. “C’mon,” Blue pulled the two of them apart, a smile tugging at her lips. “Let’s eat.”

The boys shuffle into the dining room, Ronan giving Adam a flushed smile as they sit down. Blue brings in the prime rib behind them. Ronan makes the vegan joke again No one laughs. Again. Adam feels warm with the familiarity of this. To Ronan, Gansey, and Blue, this is the first time the four of them have hung out together. To Adam, this was just another successful double date.

About halfway through dinner, Gansey asked the dreaded question. “So, Lynch,” Gansey is smiling mischievously, “are you going to take Adam to midnight Mass?”

Ronan shot Gansey a death glare, “Dick—” he starts.

“I’d like to go,” Adam cuts in. Ronan, Gansey, and Blue all whip their head towards Adam in unison. They look even more appalled at Adam’s interest in midnight Mass that they were in Ronan’s faux veganism. “What?”

“I was just teasing,” Gansey pushed his glasses up his nose. “I didn’t know you were religious, Adam—”

“He’s not,” Blue looks at him disconcertingly.

“I’d like to go,” Adam repeats, looking at Ronan; making himself known.

Ronan gives him a small almost-smile. “Sounds perfect.”

***

They retire to the living room after dinner, Adam nursing his drink. Ronan is standing in front of the mantle, studying the photos lined up across it. Adam finds himself at Ronan’s side a few moments later.

Ronan is staring at a photo from Gansey and Blue’s wedding. “I don’t get it sometimes,” Ronan says quietly.

“What?”

Ronan glanced over his shoulder, Gansey and Blue were totally preoccupied with something else entirely. “Why they’re married.” At Adam’s sharp intake of breath, Ronan quickly defends himself. “Not why they’re _together_ ,” he intones. “But why they’re _married_.”

“Oh, you don’t know?” Adam finds himself smiling unbiddenly.

“What do I not know?” Ronan challenges.

Adam backed away from the mantle, Ronan following him. “Did you know that the spouses of professors get nine free credits a semester at the illustrious Georgetown University?” Ronan just cocks a dark eyebrow. “Including in the law school?”

“Holy shit, Dick. Are you scamming your employer?”

Gansey finally looks up, alarmed. “Uh, what?”

“Hot damn, you are!” Ronan laughs a little manically, like he was endlessly delighted that Gansey was so fallible.

“That’s not exactly true; Jane and I had been entertaining the idea of getting married—”

“No you weren’t,” Adam teased. He took a sip of his G&T. “Blue doesn’t believe in marriage.”

“Shut up, Adam,” Blue kicks at him with a bare foot. “You’re the reason I needed to marry my long-term boyfriend so that I could go to law school without going into extreme debt.”

“Ok, what the fuck are you talking about now?”

Adam huffed out a laugh, ankle brushing against Ronan’s to relax him. The simple movement was successful. “I’m the one who forced Blue to go to law school.”

Blue wasn’t a lawyer at the ACLU. Not yet, anyway. She was a case manager, a liaison between clients and their lawyers; helping them get access to resources beyond litigation. She was good at her job, _really_ good. But she had always seemed capable of so much more to Adam.

Almost two years ago, Adam had asked Blue when she was going to go to law school. He had been mostly joking; it was almost midnight and they were camped out at the office working on a case going to trial less than twelve hours later. Blue had started crying when he asked and Adam panicked. He wasn’t good with emotions, especially when the person showing them was the strong and formidable Blue Sargent.

Apparently Blue had been wanting to go to law school for _years_ but had never felt like she was good enough to do it. Too afraid to go through with it. She admitted that she had taken the LSATS just a few months prior. Adam was even more surprised to find she got _a fucking 179? Blue, that’s almost a perfect score_.

So Adam pushed her to apply, offering to write her a letter of recommendation. She got into Georgetown, because of course she would because she got a _fucking 179 on the LSATs_. The only issue left was paying for law school.

That’s where Gansey came in.

“And no one noticed?” Ronan asked after Adam had finished his story. “They didn’t make you guys do one of those interviews where they test you on one another like they do with green-card marriages?”

“You need to stop watching _The Proposal_ , Lynch,” Blue rolled her eyes. “But no. We had been together for four years at that point. It was only a matter of time until we were married according to the heteronormative patriarchs of the world.”

“And my mother,” Gansey piped in.

“Yeah, like I said. Heteronormative patriarchs.”

Adam snorted into his drink as the two of them squabbled for a moment. “That’s why I was the witness at their wedding,” Adam says to Ronan. It was a small, civil court affair. “Apparently, I’m the whole reason they had to get married.” He rolled his eyes long-sufferingly, Ronan just laughed.

“I hate that I had to miss it.”

“Oh,” Adam regarded Ronan for a moment. “That must have been when Laurie was still sick.”

Holy shit.

_Fuck_.

_Holy fucking shit_.

Adam Parrish, Harvard graduate, was a total fucking idiot.

He hadn’t messed up like this in days.

Adam glanced over at Ronan, his expression guarded. “How do you know about him?”

“Uh,” Adam trailed off. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Even Gansey and Blue had stopped fighting. His eyes flicked over to them for help, but that too turned out to be a mistake.

“Did you guys tell him about Laurie?” Ronan leaned around Adam to look at Gansey. “I specifically asked that you not bring that up before a _blind fucking date_ , Gansey.”

“I didn’t!” Gansey cried defensively. He looked between Blue and Adam. “Blue—”

“I didn’t either,” Blue said quietly. “I promise.”

Everyone was looking at Adam.

Adam wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

“What the fuck is going on, Parrish?”

“I—” he started. “It’s just that—” Adam paused and bit his lip.

Ronan didn’t wait for a real answer, launching himself to his feet violently. “Where are you going?” Gansey askes.

“I’m getting the fuck out of here.” Ronan stalked out of the living room.

“Ronan—” Gansey started to stand.

“No, let me.” Adam stood and chased after Ronan. He was stood in the foyer, shoving his feet into his boots. “Ronan, I—” Adam sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s not what you think.”

“I don’t even know what to think.” He got one shoe on, moving to the other.

“If I try to explain it, it will just make it worse.”

“Humor me,” he replies gruffly, stilling his movements.

Adam knows that this is his last chance to stop Ronan from leaving. To get them back on track. “You told me about Laurie—”

“When the fuck did I do that?”

“Not tonight,” Adam rubbed his temples, a headache was starting to claw at the backs of his eyes. This was all so fucked up. “Another Christmas Eve.”

Ronan just huffed out a heavy breath before slipping on his coat and stalking out the door. Adam, in just his sweater and socks to protect himself from the cold, followed Ronan outside. It was freezing out, wind whipping past them as Adam kept pace with Ronan.

“Look!” Adam said at last, a hail Mary poised at the tip of his tongue. “I might be falling in love with you! And you might be falling in love with me!”

In hindsight, this was not only the completely wrong thing to say, but also the completely wrong way to say it. Yelling at the guy you have, for all he knows, been on _one_ date with that the two of you might be falling in love—

Well, it wasn’t Adam’s best moment.

“What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry,” Adam crossed his arms over his chest to try and retain some body heat. “I know this is a little weird—”

“A little?” Ronan scoffed, there was a meanness to his tone. One that Adam was both unfamiliar with and very much did not like. “We met four fucking hours ago, and you’re already telling me that you love me.”

Adam paused for a beat. “I said I _might_ be falling in love with you.” Ronan didn’t deign that with a response. “Still too much, huh?” 

“Look, you seem like a nice guy, Parrish, but I can't deal with drama. I’ve had more than enough of that over the last year.”

“I know—”

“That’s the thing! You don’t know. You can't know. We just met. No one’s falling in love with anyone, okay?”

“It’ll be different tomorrow, you’ll see.”

Ronan sighed. “It was nice meeting you, Parrish.”

“Please, Ronan—"

Ronan just shook his head and continued down the front walk. He got in his car without another word, driving away and into the night.

Adam stood there for a few minutes before he felt more than heard Blue join him on the front walk. She handed him his coat, wrapping it around Adam’s shoulders. “He’s supposed to wake up tomorrow morning knowing me and wanting to see me. Not running away,” Adam is barely aware of the tears welling up in his eyes.

Blue wrapped and arm around his waist, leaning her head to lean against his bicep. “I don’t think that’s going to happen anymore.”

Adam tipped his head, so it was resting on the top of hers. It was an uncomfortable position, but Adam really could not care less. “Fuck, Blue. I really messed this up.

“C’mon,” she tugged Adam towards the door. “It’s freezing out here.

Adam spared the street one last longing look before turning and heading inside.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“I can’t keep doing this anymore, Noah,” Adam felt tears prick to his eyes. “I can’t keep seeing Ronan, it hurts too much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished my finals, and as a gift to all of you, I give you angst. You're very welcome!
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	9. Nine Ladies Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the ninth day of Christmas, Adam is a dick. Again.

“I can’t keep doing this anymore, Noah,” Adam felt tears prick to his eyes. “I can’t keep seeing Ronan, it hurts too much.”

Noah looked at him strangely, one fair eyebrow raised. Adam remembered then that Noah and Ronan were friends. Good friends. And it wasn’t like _Ronan_ was a very common name—

Adam got himself to his feet, Noah was still staring at him. He wiped the tears streaking across his face. “I need to leave,” Adam turned on one heel and raced out of the store, leaving Noah and his confused shouts behind him.

He didn’t feel like taking the Metro home, the cold keeping his muddied mind awake and alert as he walked. It took him a long time to get past the National Mall, steadily heading southwest.

Adam found himself in front of Nick’s. From the sidewalk, he could see Ronan at their table, glowering down at his phone. Adam slipped his phone from his pocket and saw Ronan’s text.

**+14348892370**  
_Hey, this is Ronan. Sargent gave me your number and said that you wanted to meet at Nick’s Bar at 5. That still work for you?_

It was 4:55. Adam didn’t bother responding.

After one last longing look through the window, Adam turned away and headed towards his apartment.

He was so distracted by his attempts to not think about Ronan, sculptor, hockey coach, and recent widow getting stood up by his blind date on Christmas Eve—

“Ow,” a gruff voice said as Adam walked into someone. He looked up to see Declan glaring down at him. He looked so much like Ronan it was disconcerting, same blue eyes and dark lashes, same straight nose and strong jaw. Same lips—

Adam brushed past, ignoring Declan and Jordan’s chides. He didn’t care anymore.

Adam was grateful for the heated lobby of his building as he shouldered his way inside. He hadn’t realized just how cold he was until he wasn’t standing in the biting wind of a D.C. December. With a sigh, Adam started towards the stairs, nothing like trekking up eight flights to get his blood pumping.

His phone started to ring in his pocket. He had forgotten about Jackie, but it wasn’t her name flashing across his screen.

Blue was calling him.

Adam rejected the call, his phone stilling for just a moment before it started vibrating again. This time it _was_ Jackie. Adam let out a heavy breath and answered the call.

“Hello?” he rubbed at his eyes.

“Adam?”

“Jackie. Hi.”

There was a pause from the other end. “Are you okay?

“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”

He could tell that Jackie didn’t believe him, but thankfully she left it alone. “Are you still able to take Max? Because I can ask someone else—”

“No. It’s fine. I can take him.”

“Alright. Anyway, I’m about to leave, any chance you could come here and pick him up?”

“Actually, I just got home…” he trailed off.

There was a pause, some muffled conversation. Like Jackie had covered the microphone to talk to Nate for a moment. “I can come drop him off at your apartment.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

Jackie breathed out a laugh. “Don’t thank me. You’re the one doing me a favor.” Adam didn’t respond. “Well, I’ll be at your place in about twenty minutes or so.”

They hung up, Adam leaning against the wall in the lobby. He didn’t want to have to walk up the stairs more than he had to. Adam dutifully ignored his phone while he waited, rejecting two more of Blue’s calls.

After a few minutes he received a few texts from her in quick succession.

**Blue Sargent**  
_I know you’re screening my calls._

**Blue Sargent**  
_What the fuck is going on?_

**Blue Sargent**  
_I assume you’re not coming to dinner._

Adam felt a hot flush of shame wash over him, so he tucked his phone back into his pocket and waited for Jackie to arrive. It didn’t take long, her black SUV pulling up to the curb outside. Adam took a cleansing breath and walked out into the cold.

“Adam!” Jackie said as she climbed out of the car. Adam walked over and gave her a quick hug.

“Hi,” he stepped back and gave her a wan smile.

“Thank you for this.” She opened up the back door to get Max out of the car.

“Of course, I remember how allergic your mom is.” Jackie shot him a bright smile over her shoulder. After a moment she turned back to him, Max nestled in her arms. He started wiggling uncontrollably at the sight of Adam. “Hi buddy,” Adam reached out to pet him, Max’s pink tongue darting out to lick his hand. “Here,” he held out his arms. “Let me take him.”

Jackie transferred Max to Adam’s arms, slipping the tote bag with his food over one arm. “We’ll be back on the 27th.”

Jackie had told him this before, and usually Adam used this as an excuse for Jackie to tell him about Nate, but he didn’t have the patience for it tonight. Or, well, on this version of Christmas Eve.

“Sounds good. Drive safe.”

Jackie blanched, surprised at Adam’s lack of prodding, but she didn’t say anything beyond, “merry Christmas, Adam.”

“You too,” Adam turned and headed back inside.

Adam trudged up the stairs, Max nestled in the crook of his arm. It was a long journey up to his floor, but his mind was blank. He sort of felt like he was watching himself from outside his body as he ascended the stairs.

Once he made it to his apartment, he barely noticed Henry’s door opening and his neighbor stepping out. 

“Hello, neighbor! Those stairs are killer, huh?” Henry was beaming. He was always beaming.

“Uh-huh,” he moved to unlock his door without upending Max from his arms.

“The super said it should be fixed by Christmas, but I don’t trust that woman as far as I could throw her.” Adam didn’t even crack a smile. “Anyways, this is for you,” he held out a cellophane wrapped package. “It’s a spice cake.”

“Thank you,” Adam took the cake. “I should go,” he jerked his head towards his door.

“Big Christmas Eve plans?” Henry asked, undeterred by Adam’s soft brush off.

“Uh, no. Just me and Max here.” He lifted up his arms to show Henry the pup snuggled into his arms.

“Oh! He’s so cute.”

“Yup,” Adam shuffled a little further into his apartment as Henry chattered away about his childhood dog. He wasn’t sure if there was an end to the story, but Adam shut the door on Henry anyway. He knew it was incredibly rude, but Adam couldn’t handle any more social interaction for the rest of the night.

Adam set Max down, the dog immediately racing off to explore the apartment. As he stripped off his layers, Adam pulled his phone out of the pocket of his coat. There was another text from Blue waiting for him.

**Blue Sargent**  
_Just let me know that you’re okay, I’m worried about you._

Adam sighed before typing out a response.

_I’m fine._

He waited a few moments before he sent one last text.

_I’m sorry._

Adam left the phone on the table by the door before kicking off his shoes and padding towards the sound of Max’s jangling collar. It was going to be a long night.

***

Adam passed the time by watching reality TV. The shows weren’t really his cup of tea, but it was noise to fill the seemingly endless void. He worked his way through most of the spice cake, still delicious as ever. Despite his dark mood, he put a little honey on a warm slice while watching a truly horrifying show about people who got married to total strangers as part of some strange social experiment. 

At about 11:30 there was a knock on the door. Max barked at the noise, so Adam had no choice but to get up and check to see who was there.

He shouldn’t have been surprised to see Henry at the door, but he was shocked, nonetheless. Especially after shutting the door on him earlier.

Henry was beaming at him brightly from the hall. “Hi.”

“Hi?” it came out like a question.

Henry barely batted an eyelash. “I remember you said you were spending Christmas Eve alone, and I wondered if you would like to come to Mass with me?”

Adam couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do less. Willingly expose himself to Catholicism without the benefit of standing next to Ronan Lynch? Without the benefit of holding his hand? Adam didn’t want to sit behind Ronan while the other man was blissfully unaware of who Adam was.

“Uh, no thank you.”

Henry merely shrugged. “Alright then, have a merry Christmas!” he cheered before turning to head down the hall.

“Wait!” Adam called after him before he could get the door to the stairwell open. Henry looked back, intrigued. “I’m sorry for earlier. I was really rude to you—”

“You’re obviously having a bad day,” Henry shrugged noncommittally. “I mean, we all have bad days, but it’s what we do with them that matter.”

Adam paused for a moment. “Wow, that’s very good advice. Thank you, Henry.”

Henry just looked at him with confusion. “You’re welcome. Merry Christmas.” He opened the door and started down the stairs.

Adam slipped back inside his apartment, ruminating on what Henry had said. He was right, it was what they did with their bad days, what they did to improve them, that mattered. He took one last slice of cake with him to his bedroom before settling on the mattress.

At some point, he had moved his phone into his room; it was sitting on his bedside table. After a few moments of consideration, and half a slice of spice cake, Adam picked up his phone and dialed an unfamiliar number.

The call went straight to voicemail. “ _You have reached the voicemail box of_ ,” the robot-lady said, pausing. “Ronan Lynch,” Ronan said gruffly. “ _At the tone, please record your message_ ,” the robot continued. “ _When you are finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options_.”

There was a beep and Adam took a steadying breath. “Hey Ronan, it’s me, Adam. I guess you don’t know me yet. But I know you, even if you don’t think I do.” Adam scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I just wanted to apologize for standing you up, that wasn’t cool. It just hurt too much to have to say goodbye to you every night, to know that when I woke up in the morning.

“But more importantly, I guess, I’m sorry that I didn’t get to meet you today. I had the worst day, and I think it’s because I didn’t get to spend it with you. And maybe that sounds crazy, but I miss you, Ronan. I miss your laugh and your snark and your blue eyes and that tattoo. God, your tattoo drives me crazy.”

Adam paused, breathing out a laugh. “I guess I just wanted to say that my life is better when you’re in it.” He watched Max sleep soundly at the foot of his bed, remembered the carful way Ronan had cared for Max. He knew that he could entrust those hands with his heart.

“I know you’re probably not going to hear this. In fact, I’m planning on you not hearing it; but here’s this: I miss you Ronan. And I really think that I’m falling in love with you. And that’s a big fucking deal for me. It scares me, a little bit, just how deep my feelings are for you. Every version of you. The artist, the hockey coach, the friend. I wish I knew how to break this cycle, because I want to see you again.

“Goodnight, Ronan. And merry Christmas.”

Adam hung up the call and settled into bed. He fell asleep just before midnight.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“God, I wish this floor was more comfortable,” Adam joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short one, but the next three should def make up for it.
> 
> I refuse to apologize for the angst 🤷🏽
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	10. Ten Lords a Leaping/Eleven Pipers Piping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the tenth day of Christmas, Adam fucks up. 
> 
> On the eleventh day of Christmas, Adam tries again.

Noah helped him up from the floor. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he looked at Adam warily.

“I’m fine,” Adam gave Noah reassuringly. “Keep it!” he said, nodding towards the bag in his hand.

Adam got off the train and headed out of the station. It was rush hour; the station crowded with commuters trying to get home. It took a little longer than usual for Adam to get out of the Waterfront Station and onto 4th Street.

Adam stood at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. He watched the crossing light impatiently, so entranced that he didn’t see the teenager barreling towards him. “Woah,” he said, looking down to see a round, pale face staring up at him. It was a girl, with wide brown eyes and dirty blonde hair sticking out from under a skull cap. She looked familiar. “Slow down.”

“I’m sorry,” the girl said, looking askance. She looked like she was about to bolt—

Adam realized, suddenly, that this was Opal, the captain of Ronan’s hockey team.

“Opal?”

Her brown eyes cut back to his face. “How do you know my name?”

“Your team is worried about you,” Adam said, keeping his tone light. He didn’t want her to run.

“I’m not—” Opal sucked in a breath through her nose, releasing it through her mouth. The action seemed familiar to Adam for some reason. “I can’t go back there.”

“Opal—” Adam started, but she just shook her head before racing off. “Wait!” he called after her in vain; Opal disappeared into the crowd of commuters. “Let’s try that again.”

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

Adam got to his feet with Noah’s help. “Thank you! Merry Christmas!” He rushed out of the store and onto the train. He got to the intersection he had seen Opal at a few minutes earlier than he had yesterday; keeping an eye on the direction she came.

He spotted her a block away, her white skullcap bobbing between the pundits in their suits. She looked like the stereotype of a teenage runaway, holes in her sneakers, rips in her jeans. Adam carefully looked away as Opal passed him, waiting until she was a few dozen feet in front of him before following after her.

She knew this area well enough it seemed, weaving through the crowd towards some unknown destination. Adam had to get a little closer than he would have liked, just to make sure he didn’t lose her.

Opal stopped at a convenience store, Adam waiting outside while she went shopping. Adam slipped his phone from his pocket to send a quick message to Blue.

_Hey, I’m not going to make it to dinner tonight. I fell and hit my head while I was at Macy’s_

_I need bed rest, doctor’s orders._

Blue responded almost instantly.

**Blue Sargent**  
_Are you okay?_

_I’m fine, but will you let Ronan know I can't make it?_

**Blue Sargent**  
_Of course, let me know if you need anything_

He tucked his phone away and kept an eye out for Opal. When she walked out of the store a few minutes later, she headed back the way they came, a plastic bag hanging off her arm, hands tucked into her pockets.

After two blocks, Opal ducked into an alley, disappearing out a view for a moment until Adam could round the corner.

He found Opal sitting on the ground, leaning against a brick wall, a small, wiggling creature in her arms. As Adam got closer, he realized it was a _puppy_.

Opal took a can of dog food out of the bag, opening it up and letting the dog eat right out of it. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise,” she said to the dog, just loud enough for Adam to hear her.

“Opal?” he said. The teen looked up, fear evident in her gaze. She didn’t try to run, however, more concerned with the dog’s safety than her own.

“How do you know my name?”

Adam wanted to move closer, but he didn’t want to spook her into running. “I know some people at Cabeswater.” This was a half-truth. He knew people at the rink, they just didn’t know him. Yet. “They’re really worried about you.” This was a full truth, that much Adam was sure about.

Opal sighed, stroking the dog, it looked completely black, maybe a black lab? “I know.”

“Is this why you ran away?” Adam nodded towards the puppy.

Opal looked down at him, smiling fondly. “Yeah. I found him this morning, and I couldn’t just leave him in the cold. Not at Christmas.”

“Opal—”

“I know, I know.” She cut him off, pale eyebrows drawing together in consternation. It was an expression that suited her well. “But I was left outside a damn firehouse thirteen years ago in the freezing cold, I’m not going to let that happen to another helpless being.”

Adam sucked in a surprised breath. “I didn’t know,” was all he said. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Opal.”

“Me too,” she wiped a few tears from her face angrily. “Do you have a better idea?” her tone reminded him so much of Ronan for a moment that it made his heart hurt.

Adam paused, thinking. She was obviously distressed, and still having trouble coping with the traumatic experiences she had faced. Maybe there was a way to let her keep the dog—

“There’s something we could do.”

“Really?” she didn’t look convinced.

“Yes, really,” Adam laughed. “But we need to get you home.”

“They won't let me keep the dog at the group home!”

“I know, we can figure out something on the way. For now, let’s go to Cabeswater.”

Opal looked up at him defiantly. “I may be an orphan, but I know better than to get into a car with a stranger.”

Adam laughed. “We can take the train. Come on,” he jerked his head towards the street. “It’s a long walk to L’Efant.”

Opal stood, clutching the dog in her arms. She took a few steps closer to Adam. “What’s your name?”

“Adam.”

“Adam,” Opal repeated, one eyebrow raised. She seemed to get her sense of defiance from her coach.

“Yup,” Adam gave her a reassuring smile.

“Fine,” she stomped away, Adam rushing to keep up.

They walked side by side to L’Efant Plaza, Opal’s mouth twisting in displeasure. “What’s his name?” he asked as they waited at a crosswalk, nodding towards the dog.

“It’s a girl,” she said snootily, but the expression didn’t reach her eyes. She looked up at him warily. “Why do you care?”

“About the dog’s name? I was just trying to make conversation.” The light turned, and they stepped into the crosswalk.

“No, about me.”

“Oh,” Adam glanced down at her. “I knew you ran away, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“But I’m just some worthless kid,” she huffed.

Adam wondered how often she had heard it for Opal to believe it was really true; to believe she had no worth. It heart his heart to think about. “You’re not worthless, Opal.”

She rolled her eyes, but Adam could feel the insecurity rolling off of her. “I’m nothing. I’m just another kid in the system with loads of baggage but who isn’t cute enough to make up for it. That’s why I haven’t had a long-term placement in _years_ , that’s why I have to stay at the stupid group home.”

Adam’s heart went out to Opal, to all the kids like Opal. He too thought that he was worthless. It took a long time and a lot of loving friends and a lot—so much—therapy for him not to have those thoughts anymore.

He knew just how hard it was to feel like the world didn’t give a single shit about you.

“If they can't handle you, your foster parents, your social workers, that’s on them. You’ve done nothing wrong, Opal. None of this is your fault. Some of us get really shitty lots in life, but that doesn’t mean that other people are allowed to make us feel bad for the way we react to it.”

Opal’s face twisted in thought, just another thing that reminded Adam of Ronan. “My social worker likes to say that we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it.”

“That’s bullshit,” Adam said. Opal looked up at him, wide-eyed. They were at L’Efant. He stopped them outside the station. “Sure, sometimes you can control how you react to a situation, but not all the time. Hell, not most of the time. You’re young, which means that adults get to choose what they think is right for you. They don’t ask what you want, they just decide based on reading your file. It’s not fair, Opal. And if that means that you can't always choose how you want to react to something, then that’s perfectly fine. It’s on them if they don’t get it. Okay?

Opal held the dog tighter to her chest, watching Adam carefully. After a moment she nodded. “Good,” Adam smiled down at her. “Let’s go.”

They took the train to Alexandria, Opal tucking the dog under her coat. From up close, Adam could see that it was a pit bull. She looked quite sweet snuggled up close to Opal. “So, how does it work?” she asked.

“Keeping the dog?” Opal nodded. “Well, it might take a while, but you should be able to register her as an Emotional Support Animal.”

“How?”

“You’d have to see a therapist,” Opal pulled a face, but let Adam continue. “But I think with the stuff you've gone through, it wouldn’t be hard to get a recommendation.”

Opal stared down at her lap, picking at a hole in her jeans. “What do I do with her until then?”

Adam sighed. “You’ll have to find someone to take care of her, or maybe somewhere to keep her.”

She bit her lip, thinking, but didn’t say anything at the train pulled to a stop. “We should get off here,” she said at last, standing. Adam followed her off the train and let Opal lead them to the rink. It was less packed than the last time Adam was here, but that wasn’t too much of a surprise, Ronan had to let practice out early to meet Adam for their date.

“Opal?” Severin/Montague asked as they rounded the rink and headed towards the locker rooms.

“Hi,” she looked over at Severin/Montague abashedly, cheeks tinged pink.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked, jogging closer.

Opal just held out the dog, and Severin/Montague blanched. “Oh my god, is that—”

“Montague!” a gruff voice called from behind them. Adam turned to see Ronan, dressed for their date, heading over to them. “You need to get out of here, I’m going to be late for my date—” he stopped in his tracks, eyes glued to Opal’s form. “Opal?”

“Hi Coach,” she said sheepishly, keeping the dog mostly hidden from view.

“Oh, God, Opal. I was so worried about you,” Ronan’s voice was thick with emotion, bounding over to hug her. He stopped again, however when he saw what Opal was holding. “Is that a dog?”

Opal looked down at her arms and up at Ronan before shrugging. The expression and the gesture couldn’t help but make Adam laugh. The sound drew attention to him, Ronan’s head whipping around to look at him. “And who are you?” he asked, dark brows drawn together.

“He said I could keep the dog,” Opal cut in. Ronan turned back to her.

Ronan looked over at Adam, his brows climbing up his forehead. Adam shot him a quick smile. “Really?”

“Yeah, she’d have to get her registered as an ESA, but she’d be able to keep the puppy.”

“And what about until then?”

“I was hoping you could take her,” Opal shrugged, feigning indifference.

Ronan looked at her for a moment, but Opal’s expression didn’t change. After a moment he took in deep breath through his nose before blowing it out of his mouth in a measured breath. Adam realized that was why it had seemed so familiar when Opal had done it, he had seen Ronan use that breathing technique so many times over the last eleven days.

Ronan opened his eyes and visibly softened at the sight of Opal and the puppy. He took a few steps closer to get a better look at her. “Does she have a name yet?” Ronan asked.

Opal shook her head, letting Ronan pet her. “If you take care of her until I can her registered as an ESA, you can name her.”

Ronan looked over at Adam. “You really think this will work?”

“Well, if she gets her registered as an ESA, the group home would legally have to let her keep the dog. And I don’t think it’ll be a problem getting the recommendation from a doctor, you’d just have to find a therapist.”

“Me?” Ronan asked. “Why do I have to do it?”

Adam shrugged, a smile playing at his lips. “You seem pretty invested in this.”

Ronan rolled his eyes and turned back to Opal, who was pleading with her expression. After a moment, Ronan sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep her for now _and_ find you a therapist. But I’m naming the dog Chainsaw.”

Adam snorted and Opal gaped. “Nope,” Ronan cut off her indignant squawks. “You said I could name her, and I did.” He gently—so, _so_ gently—took the dog from Opal’s arms. “Now, go. You and Montague need to get back before curfew.”

Opal hugged Ronan tightly and said goodbye to Chainsaw. Montague was waiting by the lockers, but she stopped by Adam first. “Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome, Opal.”

After a moment of consideration, she rushed forward and hugged Adam around the middle. Adam was surprised for a moment, but he wrapped his arms around Opal’s shoulders, nonetheless.

Ronan sent the teenagers on their way, his intense gaze landing on Adam. “Thank you for bringing her back.”

“You can buy me a drink to make up for it. Or better yet, dinner.”

Ronan’s dark eyebrows shot up his face, shock crossing his features. This made Adam grin wider. “I can't, I have—”

“A date, I heard.” Adam edged closer. “Thai food, if you’re wondering what I want for dinner. How about it? Take a chance on fate.”

The corner of Ronan’s mouth twisted in thought. He was still holding the puppy, the dog gently snoozing in his arms. “You’re kind of persistent.”

Adam just shrugged, “that I am. What do you say?” They were standing toe-to-toe now, Adam reached out to stroke Chainsaw’s head.

“You smell like honey,” Ronan said, Adam felt himself smile. He paused, “fine. One drink.” Adam could tell that Ronan was feigning his look of vexation.

“I’m Adam, by the way.”

Ronan blanched. “Parrish?”

It took everything in Adam to keep his expression neutral. “What?”

Ronan’s brows drew together. “What’s your last name?”

“Smith,” Adam lied smoothly.

“Oh.” Ronan’s face fell, Adam hated to see it. “I’m Ronan,” he said at last.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ronan.”

Ronan cracked a smile, “c’mon, I’ll drive.”

They grabbed their things, Adam taking Chainsaw while Ronan packed his duffle with hockey gear. “How did you get into coaching?”

Ronan looked up for a moment and then back down at his bag. “I used to play here growing up, and when I moved to D.C. a few years ago I had a lot of free time on my hands.”

“I had a thing for hockey players in college.”

Ronan snorted, “really?”

“I only hooked up with one of them, but the hockey team as a whole was very important in my bi-awakening.”

“Let me guess, he was a center forward?” Ronan asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Adam scoffed indignantly, “and what are you? A defenseman?”

“You fucking know it,” Ronan said proudly.

Ronan was finally packed up, and he led Adam out of the rink and to his car. “Is your team any good?”

“They’re defending state champs. Opal’s the captain, actually.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Adam tucked his hands into his pockets as they stepped outside. “She’s a great kid.”

“Yeah,” they stopped at the car. Ronan unlocked it, loading his bag into the back. Adam settled into the passenger seat, Chainsaw on his lap. Ronan got in on the driver’s side, but he didn’t start the car right away. “She’s been through a lot.”

Adam laughed humorlessly. “She told me that she was abandoned at firehouse when she was a baby.”

Ronan did his smoker’s breath. “It fucking infuriates me.” He scrubbed at the back of his head. “The shit that these kids have gone through, that they continue to go through, just pisses me off.” He was staring out the windshield. “It’s not fucking fair.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” In the dark of the car, Adam felt shift in him. There was something he hadn’t told Ronan yet, not on their many first dates. It felt impossible sometimes to let the words take shape. Especially when Ronan already knew all the surface-level facts about Adam.

He didn’t want to taint the version of Adam Ronan had in his head.

“My dad used to beat me when I was growing up.” Ronan’s gaze turned to him, but he didn’t say anything. “He pushed me down the front stairs of our double-wide when I was seventeen. I lost hearing in my left ear,” Adam gestured to it lamely. “After that, I wanted to be emancipated, but the state made it almost impossible. I spent a couple months in foster care until I turned eighteen.”

“Did he serve any time?” Ronan asked.

Adam couldn’t meet his eye, he just shook his head before saying, “no, I didn’t. I couldn’t—”

“You don’t have to defend yourself to me.”

Adam scrubbed a hand over his face. “It was so fucking frustrating to be _weeks_ away from ‘adulthood,’ but no one gave a shit about what I wanted. I was passed around the system until I aged out, and then I was fucking screwed.” He looked over at Ronan, who looked appropriately pissed on Adam’s behalf. “They didn’t give a shit about me; they didn’t respect me or my wishes. I barely got out of that town alive.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

There was a tense silence before Ronan turned on the car. “Now I think we _need_ a drink,” he said after a moment.

Adam laughed lamely. “I’m sorry, I’m sure your date would have been way less depressing.”

“Nah, my friend who set us up says he’s got a whole fuck-ton of baggage,” Ronan joked.

“It’s a blind date?” Adam asked, keeping his tone light.

Ronan huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. Embarrassing, huh?”

“Nah,” Adam adopted the joking tone Ronan had used earlier. “At least you had one.”

“It’s my, uh,” Ronan tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “First date since my husband died.” He glanced at Adam for a moment before his gaze returned to the road. “That’s not me, like, fishing for pity—”

“I get it.” Adam cut in. “My last girlfriend broke up with me over a year ago, and I still haven’t been able to get myself to date.”

“Oh, but you’ll coerce a stranger into buying you drinks?”

“Drinks, plural?” Adam said hopefully. “I thought you were only buying me one?”

Ronan laughed, slowing to a stop at a red light. “You have nothing to say to defend yourself?”

Adam shrugged. “Fate brought me to Opal. Brought me to you, it seemed like I owed to fate to take a chance.”

Ronan looked over at him, lights from the dash casting shadows across his pale face. His blue eyes were striking, even in the dark. “You are a marvel.”

Adam wanted to lean over the console and kiss him, but that seemed like a very, very bad idea. “The light’s green.”

Ronan swore under his breath, quickly shooting across the intersection. Adam had to hide his smile, ducking his head and petting Chainsaw. “Why Chainsaw?” he asked Ronan.

He huffed out a laugh. “I thought it would piss Opal off.”

“You guys seem pretty close.”

Ronan turned on his blinker, turning left. “I’ve known her for a long time. And I care about all of those kids, of course, but she’s my favorite.”

Adam studied his profile. “Have you ever thought about—”

“Fostering her?” he looked at Adam out of the corner of his eye. “Of course I have. I wish I could foster all of those kids. But—”

“If there weren’t any limitations, financial or otherwise, would you do it? Adopt, her I mean.”

They turned into a parking lot, Ronan expertly reverse parking the BMW. “Yeah, I would.”

This was a new side of Ronan; one Adam had not been able to see fully before. It shouldn’t have surprised him; just how complex Ronan was. But there was a part of Adam that liked being surprised. That liked getting to reveal Ronan’s inner-workings, piece by piece.

“Let me just, oh.” Ronan had pulled out his phone, staring down at the screen peering down at the screen.

“What?”

“I was going to let my date know I was running late, but apparently he hit his head and had to go home.” Adam was glad to know that Blue passed the message along.

“Is he okay?”

Ronan typed out a response. “I think so, Blue doesn’t seem worried.”

“That’s an interesting name.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell her that.”

“Oh, who’s moving fast now?” Adam joked. “You haven’t even bought me a drink yet, and you already want me to meet your friends?”

Ronan, amazingly, blushed. “Fuck off.”

Adam felt himself grin. “Come on, lover boy. Buy me a drink and we can talk about your friends.”

They got out of the car; Ronan had a plan for sneaking Chainsaw into the bar. Adam let him handle it, settling into his seat at a table at the back of the half-empty room. Ronan passed Adam a drink menu across the table. “This place has a great beer selection.”

“I don’t drink beer,” Ronan looked up, one eyebrow cocked in question. “My dad used to drink Budweiser by the case. It seems weird but—”

“I get it. Sometimes trauma manifests in weird ways.” Ronan shrugged and looked back down at his menu. Adam was surprised at Ronan’s lack of reaction. He wondered if he had brought up his own personal issues on their first first date, if he could have avoided disaster.

A server came by and took their orders, Adam got a G&T and Ronan got a Guinness. At least that much hadn’t changed. “So far we’ve talked about our dating history and daddy issues,” Adam said as the server walked away. “Great first date talk.”

“This isn’t a date,” Ronan smiled, teasing. “This is two strangers getting drinks.”

“Mm, sounds like a date to me.”

Ronan laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a unique kind of asshole, you know that?” It didn’t sound like an insult.

“I try.” Adam shrugged. “So where do we go from here?”

“You could meet my friends,” Ronan seemed to be mostly joking, but that would blow Adam’s cover so fucking fast—

“Kidding, shit. You look like you just saw a ghost.”

Adam coughed, “yeah. Let’s not do that.”

“Blue is in all kinds of despair because my date can’t make it.” Ronan fidgeted with a napkin, tearing it into pieces. “So, after I get rid of you, I’ll probably just head to Mass.”

“ _You’re_ Catholic?”

“Fuck off. I was raised in the church, okay?” Ronan rolled his eyes again. He was obviously used to defending himself.

“Well, we’ve got what,” Adam checked his watch, “six hours to kill? What do you want to do with them?”

***

“This is the Barns,” Ronan said, the reverence clear in his tone.

They were stopped in front of a white farmhouse; it was difficult to see the details of the house in the dark, but Adam loved it. It felt right to be here. He didn’t want to leave.

“You grew up here?” Adam was embarrassed by the way his voice cracked. He saw Ronan look at him from the corner of his eye, Adam didn’t want to look away from the house.

“Yeah.”

“I would have killed for a childhood like that.”

“That’s why I want to foster all those kids,” Ronan admitted. “My life wasn’t fucking easy, but I could give them this.”

“I’m sure Chainsaw would love running through those fields.”

“We had herding dogs growing up. They fucking loved it, running through the fields, tormenting the sheep.”

Adam laughed, he didn’t think it was loud enough to be heard over the sound of the engine, but Ronan looked at him, a smile pulling at his lips. “This place is amazing, Ronan.”

"I lived here with my late husband, when he was diagnosed. After he died, my brother thought it would be better if I lived closer. I've been staying with him and his girlfriend for a few weeks now. I think I'm scared of being on my own, I haven't lived alone in so long..." he trailed off, thinking. "I don't know, but I was scared. I don't want to be anymore."

"You're brave," Adam said. 

Ronan looked at him just a little longer. “You want to go inside?”

Adam nodded, Ronan shut off the car and they climbed out. He took carefully carried Chainsaw up to the front door. Ronan stopped on the porch, watching Adam carefully. Adam could feel Ronan’s gaze like it was a tangible thing.

When Adam sidled up next to him, Ronan leaned over and kissed Adam, one warm, calloused hand, coming up to cup Adam’s cheek. Adam had missed the press of Ronan’s mouth to hisover the last few days, and he luxuriated in the opportunity to kiss him again.

After a minute, a day, a lifetime, Ronan pulled away. “C’mon. Let’s go inside.”

They went inside.

***

Adam woke up to see two men leaning over him, their heads haloed by florescent lights. “Sir, are you okay?”

“What a way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“I spritzed you and you passed out.”

“This is going to be the best Christmas Eve ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of that drunk and after successfully not burning my house down while I made s'mores. That has nothing to so with anything, but I thought I'd mention it. Chapter 11 will be up later today!


	11. Twelve Drummers Drumming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the twelfth day of Christmas, Adam gets the guy.

Adam got to his feet quickly with Noah’s help. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Last night, while he and Ronan had spread out on the couch in the living room at the Barns while pressing lips to lips and tracing the black lines of Ronan’s tattoo, Adam had a lot of time to think. The last eleven days had been a rollercoaster, intense highs and depressing lows. Adam didn’t want to say goodbye to Ronan again, and this time he really was determined to break the cycle.

He had learned so much over the last eleven Christmas Eves, but he was going to make this one right.

“I’m great. Merry Christmas!” Adam hugged the blond before slipping away. Once he was outside, he called an Uber to take him to the Southwest Waterfront.

On his way, he dialed a number that was programed into his phone a long time ago, but he had never actually called.

“Fox Way Psychic Services, Persephone speaking. “

Adam breathed out a sigh of relief. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Calla—or god forbid, Orla—answered the call. “Persephone? It’s Adam Parrish.”

“Oh, Adam,” she said in her dreamy way. “I’ve been waiting for your call for a long time now.

That caught him off-guard. “What?”

“About eleven days or so. I’m glad you finally called.”

Adam shook his head in disbelief. Being friends with Blue and having seen what the ladies as 300 Fox Way could do made it impossible to be a skeptic, but it still blew his mind when he saw their psychic abilities in action.

“So does that mean you’re coming to dinner?”

“Of course we are, but that’s not why you were supposed to call.”

“It’s not?”

“No, of course not.” Persephone sighed in a way that would sound unassuming by anyone else, but when she did it, it was laden with contempt. “I’m talking about Ronan.”

“What about Ronan?”

“Well that’s why this day keeps repeating, does it not?”

“How do you know that?”

“I’m a psychic.”

Adam couldn’t speak, he was such an idiot. Why hadn’t he called Fox Way sooner? “Does that mean you know how to break the curse? How to make this night end?”

Persephone sighed again, this time it was a much kinder sound. “You have to appease fate, Adam. You have to do it right.”

“What does that mean? How do I know if I’m doing it right?”

He could hear the smile in Persephone’s voice. “The fact that you’re calling me means that you’re already on the right track.” It was Adam’s turn to sigh, this time in frustration. Persephone spoke again before Adam could say anything. “It’s not just your fate you have to change, Adam.”

They said their goodbyes, Adam ruminating on what Persephone had said. “Do you have a piece of paper I could borrow?” He asked the Uber driver. The driver handed Adam a pad of paper, and he got to sketching. When he spotted Declan, Adam asked the driver to stop and let him out. He gave the driver an extra-large tip and thanked him profusely.

“Hi, I’m Adam,” he said, getting Declan’s attention. The oldest Lynch brother turned to him, the helpless look Adam was so familiar with, present in his blue eyes. “I have an idea for you.”

His dark brows drew together. “What kind of idea?”

“Well, I live in the neighborhood, and I’ve seen you making this snowflake for your girlfriend every year—”

“And she hates it.”

Adam was taken aback. “You know?”

Declan sighed. “I just don’t know what else to do.”

Adam smiled, “I took the liberty of sketching a whole new idea for you.” He handed over the napkin.

“Huh,” Declan said, studying the design.

Adam checked his watch, “I have to go. But I promise you that’ll work.” He gave Declan a reassuring smile. “Bye Declan!”

“Wait!” Declan called after him, but Adam had to keep moving.

He remembered where Opal had been hiding out pretty well, but it _was_ little bit of a walk. Adam approached the alley, ducking in to find Opal sitting on the ground, feeding Chainsaw.

They had the same conversation and after a while, Opal agreed to go back to Cabeswater with Adam. They snuck the dog on the train, Adam explaining the process of registering her as an ESA. Once they were back at Cabeswater, Adam felt his pulse pick up; just the proximity to Ronan was enough to get his heart racing.

Montague found them first, Ronan coming over just a few moments later. Adam watched as he argued with Opal about the dog, his own soft sport of the girl and the puppy obvious to everyone in the room. Ronan named her Chainsaw, again. It drove Opal crazy, again.

Yesterday, Adam had decided, had been perfect except for one little thing—

“I’m Adam, by the way,” Adam said after Opal and Montague were gone, after her had convinced Ronan to ditch his date. He liked knowing that Ronan chose him, not the version of Adam Blue and Gansey had peddled him out as. He didn’t know why it was important, but it was. “Parrish.”

The surprise on Ronan’s face warmed something in Adam’s chest. “I’m Ronan Lynch.”

There was a beat. “Fate, huh?” Adam said, smiling.

“Fucking fate,” Ronan replied, shaking his head. “Should we—” he started, just as Adam said, “Want to get out of here?”

Ronan blanched. “Uh, yeah. Yes. I would like that.”

“Perfect. How does Nick’s sound?”

They gathered their things and headed out to the car, Adam settling into the front seat with Chainsaw on his lap. Ronan climbed into the driver’s seat, but he didn’t start the car right away. He was watching Adam carefully.

“What?” Adam asked, looking up.

“I just can't believe you found me.” Ronan blushed at his words, looking down and away. Adam hated that, hated how Ronan wanted to hide himself away. He reached out to brush his fingers over Ronan’s cheek. The other man looked up, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I want to spend every minute of tonight with you.” Ronan’s brows inched up his face, his cheeks reddening further. “And I have a favor to ask.”

Ronan agreed to Adam’s terms, a small private smile on his face as he sent out a barrage of text messages. At last, he turned on the car and they pulled out of the lot.

On the way to Nick’s, Jackie called. Adam gave Ronan an apologetic look before answering. Jackie asked him to come pick up Max, but before Adam could agree, he pulled the phone away from his face and covered the receiver.

“I have another favor to ask.”

“Damn, Parrish. You’re using up all your goodwill in the span of ten minutes,” he joked. “What is it?”

“You mind if we go pick up another dog? I promised my ex I would dog sit for her tonight.”

Ronan looked down at Chainsaw in Adam’s lap and then back up at him. “I guess I wouldn’t object to hanging out with more than one dog this evening.”

“Perfect.” He lifted the phone back up to his face. “Yeah, we can come pick him up in like twenty minutes?” Adam looked over at Ronan, the other man nodded in agreement.

“We?” Jackie asked, curious. “Are you hanging out with Blue and Gansey tonight?”

“No,” Adam felt himself flush. “Uh, I’m actually on a date.”

“Oh!” Jackie seemed genuinely surprised. “Adam, that’s so great. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you, Jackie,” Adam replied a little embarrassed at how excited she was for him. It felt like so long ago he had been pining over her. He glanced over at the man in the seat next to him. Ronan was already looking back. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye,” she said. Adam hung up the call.

“So I guess Nick’s is off the table.” Ronan didn’t sound disappointed.

“Actually, can we still stop there? There’s something I have to do.”

They were just a few blocks from the bar, and it was technically on the way to Jackie’s place. “Whatever, Parrish.”

Adam laughed as Ronan pulled into a spot on the street. “You wanna come with me? It won't take long.”

“Sure.” They left Chainsaw in the car, one of the windows cracked just enough to keep air moving though the car. Ronan sidled up next to Adam, walking side by side for the half a block to Nick’s. Adam glanced across the street, he didn’t see Declan and Jordan or the snowflake, hopefully he took Adam’s advice. “So what are we doing here?”

“You’ll see,” Adam said opening the door to the bar and holding it open for Ronan.

Tad was sitting as his usual table, his face turning hopeful as Adam walked through the door. It fell as Ronan came up to Adam’s side. “Tad?” Adam asked.

“Mark?”

“No,” Adam tapped the back of the chair in front of him. “But I’d like to invite you to a Christmas party.”

“What?” the blond glanced around the bar, confused.

“Look, you don’t know me, but I know you. And Mark isn’t coming. But that doesn’t mean you have to spend Christmas Eve alone.” Tad’s eyebrows drew together, trying to keep himself from looking too disappointed. “Here,” Adam scribbled Blue and Gansey’s address on a napkin. “This is the address, there will be food and drinks and good company.”

“Okay?” Tad took the napkin and looked back up at Adam. “Are you sure you’re not Mark and this is just a prank for your YouTube channel? Because that’s not totally a deal-breaker for me.”

That surprised a laugh out of Adam. "I’m Adam.”

Tad closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. Merry Christmas, Tad.”

Adam turned, almost walking right into Ronan’s broad chest. Ronan caught him; hands braced against Adam’s shoulders. “Woah there, Parrish.”

Adam looked up at him, a smile tugging at his mouth. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Ronan looked over his shoulder. “Who was that?”

Adam paused, thinking about the best way to explain the situation. “You know what? If you still want to know tomorrow, I’ll tell you.”

Ronan just looked at him amusedly. “Alright, Parrish. We done here?”

“Yup,” Adam grabbed Ronan’s arm and led him out of the bar. He let go of Ronan once they were outside, but Ronan stayed close, the backs of their hands brushing as they walked back to the car.

Chainsaw started barking excitedly as Adam opened the door to the passenger seat. “Hey little lady,” Adam cooed, picking her up so he could sit down. Her fur was silky smooth across her back and downy soft on her belly.

Ronan got in on the driver’s side and started the car. “She’s going to need a collar,” Adam said, stroking a hand from her head and down to her tail. “She’s naked.”

Ronan snorted, checking for traffic before pulling on to the street. “That’ll be my Christmas gift to Opal.”

“You two seem really close,” Adam said.

Ronan shrugged. “You know how parents aren’t supposed to have a favorite kid, but they do anyway? It’s the same thing with coaches, and she’s my favorite.”

“I mean, I was an only child, but I definitely wasn’t my parents’ favorite either.” Ronan looked at him for a moment, dark brows furrowed together in question. “Sorry. Ignore that. It’s definitely not first date talk.”

“We’ve already broken all the first date rules,” Ronan joked. “If you want to talk about it you can.”

Adam shrugged and bit his lip. It had been so easy to say it to Ronan just last night, why was it so hard this time? “My dad was a mean drunk. And he was never not drunk.”

“Oh.” 

Adam glanced out the window, words tumbling form his mouth unbidden. “I spent the last few months before my eighteenth birthday in foster care. It was awful. I barely know how I survived it. Hearing what Opal has gone through in the system…” he finally looked back at Adam. They were stopped at a red light. “I admire her strength, but it’s kind of awful to think about at the same time. All those kids have to grow up so quickly.”

Ronan turned right; they were on Jackie’s street. He pulled up in front of her building, but they didn’t get out. “My parents died in a car crash when I was sixteen. My brother was able to get guardianship of Matthew and I pretty quickly, so I never had to deal with the system; but I don’t believe for a second I would have survived in there.

“They tell me about what it’s like, the kids, from their point of view.” They were still idling outside of Jackie’s apartment, and Adam knew that any minute she would come down with Max in tow. Adam didn’t want to get out of the car and ruin this moment; it felt too big, too important. “For a lot of them, they’ve never had an adult who’s just _listened_ to them before.”

“The work you do is important, Ronan.” If the rest of the night went awry, if Ronan woke up tomorrow morning wanting nothing to do with Adam, he hoped that this, at least, would stick with him.

“But I could do more.” He sighed heavily and leaned back against the headrest.

“What? Like becoming a foster parent?” If Adam were in court, the defense attorney would object to his phrasing; it was a leading question. But this wasn’t a court room, and he already knew the answer, he just wanted Ronan to hear himself say it out loud.

“Yeah." He sighed. "Not that I could take care of all of them. And trying to choose who _needs_ help the most is cruel.” Ronan paused to think. “But she reminds me so much of myself sometimes. I think that she needs _me_ more than those other kids.”

“So why not do it?”

Ronan looked at him. “Because I’m scared that I might fuck her up even more.”

Adam breathed out a laugh. “I don’t think that’s possible. You care about her too much to fuck it up.” Ronan just smiled wanly. “Look, it’s not totally up to you, anyway. But if it’s what you want, and it _seems_ like it’s what you want, don’t you owe it to yourself to try?”

Ronan didn’t say anything, looking out the windshield, thinking. After a moment he said. “Is that Jackie?”

Adam turned and saw Jackie, wrapped in her peacoat, standing on the sidewalk. “Yeah. I’ll be right back.” He gave Chainsaw to Ronan and climbed out of the car. “Jackie!”

“Adam!” her face broke out into a wide smile. “Oh wow, that’s a beautiful car. Is that your date’s?”

Adam glanced back at the BMW. “Yeah, apparently he used to street race in it.”

Jackie looked taken aback. “And your date with the former street racer is going…” she trailed off, letting Adam fill in the blanks.

“Really well.” The door opened then, Nate stepping out to join them.

“Adam, I’d like you to meet Nate,” Jackie said, introducing the two of them. For once, she didn’t seem hesitant to do so. “My fiancée.”

“Wow, congratulations, Jackie.” He turned to Nate, one hand out to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Nate replied smiling warmly.

Adam looked between them, Jackie glowing, Nate beaming. A few days ago, this would have fractured Adam’s heart into a million pieces, but not today.

Today he felt nothing but warmth.

“Look, I should get going,” Adam said as Jackie handed over Max and his food. “But I can see how in love you two are. I’m so glad that you found that. It’s pure happiness. Enjoy it.” Adam started to back away towards the BMW. Towards Ronan.

“Wait!” Jackie called. Adam looked back at her. At some point she had intertwined her hand with Nate’s. “I hope you find your happiness, too.”

Adam felt himself smile. “I’m just trying to find it today. As many todays as I get.”

Jackie just nodded bemusedly before Adam turned back and headed towards the BMW. He opened the back door, letting Max jump in. He sniffed at Chainsaw curiously, gave a quick, friendly bark, and settled on to the seat.

“Who was that guy with her?” Ronan asked as Adam sat down.

He reached over for Chainsaw. “Her fiancée, Nate.”

“Oh,” Ronan blanched. “How long ago did you two break up?”

“A little over a year,” Adam shrugged.

“Shit, she moved on quick, huh?”

Adam laughed, “they were high school sweethearts.” Ronan made a face. “I thought that too,” he said, thinking of the first time he had met Nate. “But they seem really happy together.”

“I guess that’s what life is all about.” Ronan tapped the steering wheel. “Shall we head to Georgetown?”

“Actually—” Ronan cut him off with a groan. “Look,” Adam said through a laugh. “There’s one last person we have to invite, but it’s on the way.”

“God, you’re lucky you’re cute.”

Adam was reminded of the last time Ronan had said that to him; from somewhere inside a Christmas tree. That felt like a million Christmases ago now. “Keep that in mind when we have to walk up eight flights of stairs.”

“Parrish, what the fuck?”

***

They stopped at Adam’s apartment, Henry meeting them out in the hallway with a spice cake. Adam invited him to Blue and Gansey’s, and Henry enthusiastically agreed. Before they trekked back down the stairs, dogs in tow, Adam led Ronan into his apartment. If felt like he had been wearing the same jeans and sweater—not to mention underwear—for _weeks_ now. He left Ronan in the living room with the dogs while he quickly showered and changed into his gray suit.

The last time he had worn it, he was trying to impress Jackie. Tonight, he only had eyes for Ronan Lynch.

Adam rounded the corner into the living room, willing himself to keep quiet at the sight of Ronan Lynch laid out on the floor, splitting his attention between the two dogs.

If Ronan being sweet and caring towards Max all these Christmas Eves made Adam’s heart hurt, he could barely stand the sight of Ronan totally enamored by two small, fuzzy creatures.

Ronan rolled over and saw Adam watching him. He could feel Ronan’s gaze as he took in the suit. “You, um, ready to go?”

Adam tried to hide his smile, surely failing miserably. “Yeah.”

Ronan got up and they headed out the door. Once they were down the eight flights and walking to the BMW, Ronan broke the comfortable silence between them. “You’re different than I thought you’d be.”

“How so?” Adam asked.

“Well Blue said you were a little—”

“Taller?” Adam joked.

Ronan laughed, low and amused. “No.”

“Perkier?”

Ronan jostled him with his elbow. “No. Afraid.”

“Afraid,” Adam repeated. Ronan looked at him sidelong. “She’s right.”

“You don’t seem afraid to me.” They were at the BMW.

Adam stopped turning to look at Ronan. He felt a small, hopeful smile tug at his lips. “I’m not. Not anymore.”

***

When they arrived at Gansey and Blue’s there were a few unfamiliar cars parked in the driveway. As they walked up to the front door, Adam could hear voices and music from the inside.

“It seemed like your plan worked,” Ronan said, glancing at Adam out of the corner of his eye. He was holding Chainsaw close to his chest.

“It sure does.” They walked into the house unannounced, toeing off their shoes, stripping off their coats, and letting the dogs run free. Blue rounded the corner into the foyer, lighting up at their presence.

“Adam Parrish!” she dashed over and pulled him into a hug. “I can't believe you made this happen.” She was beaming widely. “How did you do it?”

Adam shrugged, squeezing his best friend tightly. “I didn’t even have to ask. I called and they just knew.”

“Fucking witches,” Ronan grumbled good-naturedly.

“Shut up, Snake. Merry Christmas!” Blue tackled Ronan in a hug.

“Merry Christmas, Maggot.”

They pulled away after a moment. “Now go find my husband, he’s already tipsy and he’s been asking for you.” Ronan rolled his eyes but disappeared into the house, Adam’s bag of Christmas gifts in tow. Once he was out of earshot, Blue turned back to Adam smiling conspiratorially. “So…”

“So what?” Adam asked blithely.

“How was your date?”

Adam couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across his face. “Really good.”

“Really?” Blue squealed. She pulled Adam in for another hug.

When she finally let him go, Adam said, “he told me what you said to him. About me being afraid—”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overstepped,” Blue apologized.

“No, you’re right. I was afraid. Afraid of ending up alone, of getting hurt again. Afraid to let myself fall for someone new.” Blue’s mouth twisted into a frown. “I saw what you and Gansey had, and I wanted that. I wanted true love without having to work for it.”

Blue scoffed. “You think we don’t have to work for it? On paper, me and Gansey don’t make any sense, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t want to try; I think we both knew that it was worth it, that it will always be worth it.”

“How do you do it?” he asked, huffing out a heavy breath.

“I choose him,” Blue said. “I choose him every day.”

Adam felt himself relax. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

Blue tugged Adam close for one last hug. “I love you and I’m so proud of you, Adam Parrish,” she whispered into his hearing ear, balanced on the balls of her feet.

They separated and joined the party. Adam recognized some of the residents of Fox Way, Maura, Persephone, and Calla were holding court on the couch, with Tad sitting in front of them. They had laid out their tarot cards, the three women looking at the spread intently.

“You’ll meet your true love in three weeks’ time,” Maura said perfunctorily.

“He’ll be dressed in all black,” Calla smiled wolfishly.

“It’ll rain,” Persephone sighed dreamily. “Don’t forget an umbrella.”

Tad was looking down at the cards, pressing his fingers to his mouth, trying to hide the hopeful look on his face.

“Hey, Tad,” Adam said as he passed.

“Adam!” he looked up and smiled, all teeth. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m having a great time—”

Tad seemed poised to carry on, but Adam saw Ronan watching him from across the room, his gaze all heat. Most people would have assumed that Ronan was glaring, but Adam knew better. His expression was laced with want. “I’m really glad, Tad.” He patted the blond on the shoulder thoughtfully before making his way to where Ronan was standing.

“Hi,” he said, coming up to Ronan, toe-to-toe.

“Hi.”

“You find Gansey?”

Ronan smiled, “yeah. He’s way past tipsy, the lightweight. I pawned him off on Matthew.” Ronan jerked his chin over towards the Christmas tree where Gansey was talking Matthew Lynch’s ear off. The youngest Lynch didn’t look bothered, nodding along animatedly with Gansey’s story.

“I’m pretty sure he’s telling your little brother about the time he died.”

“Eh,” Ronan chirruped indifferently. “It’s nothing Matthew hasn’t heard before.”

“Is your other brother here?” Adam glanced around the room, but he didn’t see Declan.

“No, he said he and his girlfriend were running late. Oh!” Ronan exclaimed. Adam turned around and saw Noah walk into the living room. “My friend Czerny is here.” He waved Noah over.

Once Noah had joined them on the other side of the room, Ronan gestured between the two of them. “Adam Parrish, this is Noah Czerny—”

“Holy shit!” Noah’s eyebrows were hidden by his white-blonde bangs. “You’re the guy!”

“The guy?” Ronan’s expression darkened, looking between the two of them. “Do you two know each other?”

“Calm down, Lynch. I’m not trying to steal your date,” Noah rolled his eyes, Ronan blushed.

“We met today,” Adam said, one hand coming up to brush against Ronan’s elbow. “I fell down at Macy’s and he helped me up.”

“I grabbed the gift you bought. I didn’t think I would see you again, but it’s at my apartment.”

Adam had forgotten about the gift he had bought Jackie. He couldn’t even quite remember what it was. “Oh, well, I’m sure you can get it to me another time.” He glanced sidelong at Ronan who was watching the two of them in wonder. Adam opened his mouth to say something, the response dying on his tongue when he saw Henry across the room. “Wait here.”

He slipped away, weaving through the crowd until he found Henry. “Hey, you made it!”

“I did,” Henry was smiling broadly. “I brought cake for the party and honey for the hosts—”

“There’s someone I want you to meet first.” Henry looked surprised, but followed Adam, nonetheless.

Noah and Ronan were still posted up against the wall near the kitchen, whispering conspiratorially. Adam felt himself smirk as Ronan noticed their approach, hitting Noah repeatedly on the arm to get him to stop talking.

“Henry Cheng, this is Noah Czerny.” He felt Henry’s breath catch at his side. Adam looked over to see him trying to collect himself, bringing up a hand to smooth back his hair unconsciously. He turned and saw Noah look equally flustered, a small, hopeful smile tugging at his lips.

Adam’s gamble had paid off.

“Noah’s an artist and Henry is an art enthusiast. I think you two will get along.”

He let the two men stumble over one another to introduce themselves, Noah offering to get Henry a drink. They disappeared into the kitchen, glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes.

“How did you know Noah was an artist?” Ronan asked. Adam spun back around to see his date watching him carefully.

Adam blanched. He had not completely thought his plan through it seemed. “Uh…” he trailed off.

“How about I ask you tomorrow?” Ronan cracked a smile.

Adam relaxed, situating himself at Ronan’s side, leaning against the wall. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know tomorrow.”

Ronan’s hand brushed against Adam’ where it was hanging by his side. Adam took a leap of faith and intertwined their fingers. He felt Ronan sigh, then he squeezed Adam’s hand.

They watched the party unfold in a comfortable silence. Henry and Noah stumbled out of the kitchen, flirting and laughing. Blue dragged Gansey away from Matthew, patting the youngest Lynch’s blond curls before ushering her husband to the kitchen to try and sober him up. The most surprising development of the evening was Orla making eyes at Ronan from across the room.

“Is it just me, or is Blue’s cousin—”

“Trying to undress me with her eyes?” Ronan supplied.

Adam laughed, shoulder pressed against Ronan’s. “Yeah, what’s with that?”

“She has a thing for me,” Ronan said flippantly, like it wasn’t Blue’s _female cousin_ trying to get into his pants.

“Does she know you’re gay?”

“If she does, she doesn’t fucking care.”

Adam snorted, shuffling ever closer to him and shooting Orla a Look. She only looked marginally cowed. “I must say, she has good taste.” Ronan looked down at Adam, speechless. Adam held his gaze, not taking back his statement. It was an objective fact at this point; Ronan Lynch was _hot_.

And funny. And kind. And strong. And smart.

He was perfect.

Adam leaned in, tilting his face up towards Ronan’s, chancing a glance at the perfect arch of Ronan’s cupid’s bow. He remembered perfectly the way he tasted—

There was a commotion at the door as nearly a dozen kids, dressed in various Cabeswater Hockey regalia, tumbled into the room with a cacophony only achievable by teenagers.

Adam deflated slightly as Ronan’s attention shifted to his team. But he couldn't be too disappointed; the night was young.

Ronan looked over at his team and then back at Adam. “I’m gonna do it.”

For a moment, Adam thought he meant kiss him, his pulse picking up. He realized, however, that Ronan had looked away again, watching his kids coo over Chainsaw. “Do what?”

“Foster Opal. Or at least try.”

Adam felt a million years younger, a thousand pounds lighter, at those words. “You’re going to make a difference, I know it, Ronan.”

Ronan smiled down at him, a true smile. Adam still wanted to kiss him. “Thank you.” His gaze drifted back over to his team.

“Go,” Adam reluctantly let go of his hand, pushing Ronan towards the pack of teenagers with a laugh. “Go say hi to your kids.”

Ronan caught his hands, “you said you wanted to spend every minute together tonight.”

Adam felt himself blush, but he wouldn’t take back the words for the world. “We have all night.”

It was Ronan’s turn to blush. He squeezed Adam’s hands before letting go, ducking through the crowd towards his team. Adam could hear their cheers as he approached them, a smile crossing his face.

“Do you think you accomplished your goal?” Persephone asked, coming up on Adam’s good side silently. It seemed like there were twinkling fairy lights hidden amongst her cotton-candy hair. She looked otherworldly and ethereal as usual.

“I think so.” Adam looked around the room at the smiling faces, taking in the laughter and conversation. He did that. He brought these people together. Even if he woke up on the floor of the fragrance department tomorrow, it would have been worth it for these few hours of joy.

Persephone nodded. “I think so, too.”

Adam slipped out of the room and into the kitchen where she found Blue and Gansey sitting at the island, drinking coffee and eating spice cake. “Hey, guys.”

“Adam!” Gansey cheered. Despite the caffeine and carbs, he still seemed a little toasty. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Gans.” Adam came over, Gansey offering him a fist bump. Adam ignored the hand, wrapping an arm around Gansey’s shoulder in a half hug instead.

“Jane was telling me that your date with Ronan went well, is that true?”

“It is.”

“I’m so glad. He’s had such a difficult year, but he deserves happiness. And so do you.” Gansey started to tear up. “You two deserve each other—”

“Okay, slow your roll, Dick. Save your tears for the rehearsal dinner.” Ronan sauntered into the kitchen. Adam couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“Joking about getting married already, Lynch?”

Ronan realized what he had said, his face flushing adorably. Before he could take it back, Adam cut in. “Hey, any more talk like that and you won't get to give the Best Woman speech at the reception.”

Blue gasped. “Adam Parrish, you promised—” Blue ranted on, but Adam paid her no mind as Ronan sidled up next him at the counter, their biceps pressed together. Even though there were three layers between them, Adam could feel the heat of Ronan’s skin. “Ew,” Blue said at last.

“What?” Ronan snapped.

“You two are eye-fucking each other in my kitchen. I don’t like it.” Adam felt his cheeks heat up and watched the tips of Ronan’s ears turn pink. “Get out.” Blue pointed at the door and out towards the living room.

“So it’s okay if we eye-fuck each other in the living room in front of all your guests?”

“And Ronan’s team?” Gansey added.

“Shut up, Gansey, you’re not helping.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Maggot,” Ronan teased.

Blue opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Declan Lynch’s appearance in the doorway. “Ronan, there you are.” Declan scanned the kitchen. “Oh, hello Sargent, Gansey.” His gaze finally landed on Adam. “You!”

Ronan looked between them, Declan speechless, Adam embarrassed. “Okay, how the fuck do you know my brother?”

Adam bit his lip and shrugged. “You can ask me tomorrow?”

Ronan did his smoker’s breath and scrubbed a hand over the back of his head, swearing under his breath. “What do you want Declan?”

Declan seemed to recollect himself. “I have an announcement to make. Come along.”

Adam assumed Declan just meant for Ronan to follow him, but Gansey and Blue trailed after Declan out of the kitchen. Ronan grabbed Adam’s hand and dragged him along as well. They found Jordan and Matthew near the Christmas tree, the woman smiling brightly, practically glowing.

Declan looked around once they had gathered. He gave Adam, Gansey, and Blue strange looks, but he pushed on. “So, as you know, Jordan and I have been together for five years now—"

“What’s the big fuss?” Ronan asked. “Are we supposed to be celebrating the fact that Jordan has decided to keep dating you despite the fact that you continue to make her a snowflake out of Christmas lights every year?” Ronan continued on, bashing Declan’s taste in gifts.

Adam snickered, Jordan meeting his eye as they shared their amusement. “Actually.” Declan cut his little brother off. “I proposed to Jordan.” Ronan stopped, mouth agape, staring at his brother.

“And?” Matthew asked, as if it weren’t obvious.

“And I said yes,” Jordan replied, showing off the impressive rock on her finger. Declan must have already had a ring. Adam breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m officially going to be a Lynch. Well, I’m keeping my last name. But I’ll be a Lynch in spirit.”

Matthew and Ronan took turns hugging their brother and new sister-in-law. He knew that they must not have been too surprised, but they were elated, nonetheless.

“Thank you,” Declan said to Adam, voice low. “I’ve wanted to marry her basically the second I met her; I just didn’t know how to ask.”

“It was all you, Declan,” Adam smiled at him reassuringly.

Ronan returned to Adam’s side, smoothly intertwining their hands. Adam glanced down; he couldn’t help his grin. Ronan squeezed his hand twice. It felt like a promise.

He was so deliriously happy. Incandescent. Adam felt like he could light up the whole sky like a god damned fireworks display.

***

The party continued on, people enjoying the company of old friends and new friends alike. A little after ten, “All I Want for Christmas is You” played over the speakers and Jordan squealed. Just like she had coerced the patrons of Nick’s bar into dancing, she had the whole party singing along to Mariah Carey in no time. Ronan spun Adam and then pulled him close as they sang. He felt dizzy with want, with happiness, with something he wished he could name.

Adam gave Blue her present a little later after the two of them retreated to the kitchen alone. It was a table-top Bonsai tree. “To keep on your desk at the office,” Adam explained.

“Oh Adam,” Blue sniffed, wiping away a rogue tear. “You’re right, this is an amazing gift.”

“What?”

She looked at him petulantly. “When you gave me the jam earlier today? You said that your real gift was amazing.”

A laugh bubbled out of Adam. He had completely forgotten about that. To Blue, that was just a few hours ago. But to him? That felt like a few _Adams_ ago.

The person Blue had set Ronan up with, had chided for buying her jam, he was gone. Adam barely recognized that version of himself. He knew that was for the better, he knew that version of Adam had been missing out on so much—

“Adam?” Ronan asked, coming up behind him. He was wearing his coat and holding Adam’s.

“Wait,” Blue said tearfully. “Are you guys leaving?”

“No,” Ronan rolled his eyes, “I was just going to ask Parrish if he wanted to go for a walk?”

Adam grinned. His cheeks hurt from all the smiling. “I’d love to.” He stood and followed Ronan out of the kitchen.

At some point, someone had turned off the music so Tad could play the piano, regaling the party with a seemingly endless array of Christmas carols. As they walked through the party Adam spotted Opal dozing on the couch, Chainsaw cuddled up next to her. Across the room, Henry and Noah were talking close enough that Adam wasn’t sure how they _weren’t_ kissing. Matthew was stretched out near the fireplace, Declan sat in the armchair above him, running his fingers through Matthew’s golden curls as he spoke to Jordan. Gansey and Maura were organizing presents under the tree, the professor smiling and joking with his mother-in-law.

Adam hated to leave it, but Ronan, who was already in the foyer, shoving his feet into his boots, was something he just couldn’t miss.

Adam slipped on his shoes and zipped up his coat. From the living room, Adam could hear Tad plunk out the last notes of “Away in a Manger” before effortlessly transitioning to “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” The remaining partygoers roused at the song, beginning to sing.

_On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…_

“Shall we?” Ronan asked, jerking his head towards the door. Adam nodded and followed him outside.

It was cold, the wind sharp and biting against Adam’s bare skin, but when Ronan slipped his hand in Adam’s, Adam couldn’t find that he cared about a damn thing.

They walked a little down the block before either of them spoke. “I feel like I’ve known you forever,” Ronan said, apropos of nothing.

“Well,” Adam smiled. “More like twelve days.”

“What?” Ronan asked, a laugh in his tone.

“You know? Like the song?”

Ronan huffed out a breath. “I hate that song.”

“Me too.”

They shared a laugh, shoulders bumping into one another as they continued down the street. Each house was decked out in Christmas lights, the colors casting beautiful shadows across Ronan’s face. Adam had to stop walking he was so in awe of the fact that he got to spend time with this man.

“It’s almost midnight,” Adam said.

“And then what?” Ronan countered. “You turn into a pumpkin?”

Adam looked down and away. “Something like that.”

“Well, then I better not waste any more time,” Ronan said, dropping Adam’s hand. The cold press of Ronan’s fingers to Adam’s cheek was jarring, but no less surprising than the way Ronan guided Adam’s chin towards him and slid their mouths together.

They had kissed more than a few times now, but this was, by far, Adam’s favorite.

After a minute, a second, a lifetime Ronan pulled away. Adam’s eyes slid open. He had expected the world to look different—it sure _felt_ different—after that kiss. But they were standing in front of the same house; on the same square of sidewalk.

But like they were in a god dammed movie, just then the sky opened up and it started to snow; soft flakes falling from the sky, smattering across Ronan’s dark hair, landing on the tip of Adam’s nose.

Adam lifted a hand from where it was pressed against Ronan’s thundering pulse and brushed the snow from his hair. They just started at each other for a moment, not speaking, just soaking up each other’s presence.

In the distance, bells started ringing.

Ronan smiled. “Merry Christmas, Adam.”

“What do you mean?” Adam asked, breathless.

“It’s past midnight,” Ronan supplied; the clocks still ringing.

“And I’m still here!” Adam practically squealed. He slapped a hand over his mouth in delight. With every second that passed, Adam was more and more sure that this was real. “Ronan, I’m still here!”

Ronan laughed, watching Adam, a bemused look on his face. “You are a marvel, Adam Parrish.”

Adam paused, breath catching. Every time he had heard those words, they had meant something different. This time they meant the promise of more. Of so much more.

“Kiss me,” Adam said.

“Bossy,” Ronan replied. But he did as Adam asked, pulling him in for another time-stopping kiss.

It didn’t matter how much time they spent kissing, they had forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I can't believe I did that. 
> 
> (The epilogue will be up shortly!)
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always greatly appreciated ♥︎
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com)


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the first day of Christmas, Adam feels at peace.

_Two Years Later_

Adam leaned his head against the window of the BMW as they were on their way to the Barns for the holiday, just having left Gansey and Blue’s annual Christmas Eve party. The rumble of the engine and the low hum of the radio almost lulling him to sleep —

“Hey, Parrish,” Ronan said. Adam opened his eyes and looked over at his boyfriend, who was smiling wolfishly. “Look at the time,” he pointed at the clock on the dash. It was 12:01. “You made it to Christmas day.”

Adam had told Ronan everything that first Christmas morning they had spent together, just as he had promised. It took some convincing for Ronan not to run out of Adam’s apartment screaming, but he eventually came around.

Adam was a logician, and he made Ronan understand that as insane as it may have seemed for Adam to have repeated Christmas Eve twelve times, it was the only thing that made sense. How else could he have known Noah and Declan before Ronan had introduced them? Or, how could he have known who Opal was and known to take her to Cabeswater? It was really the only possible explanation.

He had recounted each day as well as he could, not skipping over the bad stuff. Those moments were just as important as the good ones.

Afterwards, Ronan kissed him again. Kept kissing him. Hadn’t stopped kissing him since.

It may have been two years, and Ronan may have believed him, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t poke fun at Adam.

Not that Adam minded the teasing, not when Ronan Lynch was the one doing it.

“Marry me,” Adam said.

The car began to slow to a stop, Ronan guiding it to the shoulder. He jerked the car into neutral and tugged violently on the parking break. “What the fuck?” he managed to get out, voice tight.

“Marry me?” this time, it was a question.

Ronan turned to him, face lit from below by the dash. Adam felt that same spark he had two years ago; when he had been falling in love with Ronan Lynch and didn’t even know it.

“Yes,” Ronan breathed. “Yes, of course.” The both leaned over the center console, meeting in the middle, Ronan’s warm, calloused hands cupping Adam’s face.

“I have,” Adam said between kisses. “A ring,” another kiss. “For you,” another one. “In the trunk.” Adam was finally able to pull away long enough to say, “I was going to propose in the morning, when we opened presents.”

Ronan shook his head, “Parrish, you motherfucker,” before tugging Adam back in to kiss him again. Adam felt himself smile in the kiss, and Ronan followed suit; their teeth clacking together.

“Fuck,” Ronan swore.

“Sorry,” Adam leaned back in kissing the corner of Ronan’s mouth. Ronan tilted his face towards Adam and slid their mouths back together.

There was a rustle in the backseat that neither of them paid any mind to until Opal sleepily said, “ew.”

Ronan pulled back, shooting the teenager an annoyed look. “What was that, punk?” 

Just a few months ago, Ronan officially adopted Opal, the court room crowded with friends, family, and teammates. A few weeks ago, Adam had walked past Opal’s room, the door slightly ajar, and saw her sitting on the floor admiring her new birth certificate, the one that read _Opal Lynch_ across the top, that had arrived in the mail that morning.

She had always been a Lynch through and through, even before it was her name.

“You two are gross,” she yawned. Chainsaw, who was cuddled up next to her in the back seat snuffled adorably, perking up at their voices. “You stopped the car to make out. You couldn’t wait another ten minutes until we get to the Barns to do that?”

“Actually, gremlin,” Ronan said, slipping a hand into the backseat to pet Chainsaw. “We couldn’t.”

“And why’s that?” she countered. Her skullcap was askew, and Adam reached around his headrest to fix it for her. She gave him a smile in thanks.

“Because you’re getting a new dad,” Ronan huffed. He was always sinking to the teenager’s level; Adam rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god!” Opal exclaimed. “Really? You proposed already?” She asked Adam.

“Mhm,” he hummed. Opal made some sort of strangled noise of excitement, unbuckling her seatbelt so she could wrap Adam in a hug.

“She knew?” Ronan asked, somehow offended that he was the last to know that Adam was going to propose, like it wasn’t supposed to be a _secret_.

“Of course,” Adam replied. Opal was still hugging him tightly, repeating _oh my god_ over and over into his shoulder. “I had to ask for her blessing.”

Ronan’s usual guarded façade fell for a moment before he leaned in and kissed Adam square on the mouth.

“Ew,” Opal said, finally letting go of Adam and slinking into the backseat. Chainsaw, finally seeing an opening, rushed forward to lick at Adam and Ronan’s cheeks excitedly.

Adam pulled away from the kiss with a laugh, Chainsaw’s cold tongue slobbering all over his left cheek. “Instead of a ring, I want a dog,” he told his boyfriend—no, _fiancée_. Just the thought made him giddy.

“Yeah!” Opal chimed in from the backseat. Her head appeared above Chainsaw’s after a moment. “Chainsaw needs a sister.”

“Fine, but I get to name her.” Ronan aimed for haughtiness, but he was smiling too goofily to be convincing.

“Hell no,” Adam and Opal said in unison. Adam petted Chainsaw’s head, scratching behind her ears, her tail thumping against the backseat. “ _I_ get to name her, because she’s _my_ engagement present. Because we’re getting _married_.”

Ronan grinned, shook his head and kissed Adam again. They barely heard Opal’s protests from the back seat. After a few minutes, they pulled apart long enough for Ronan to shift the car in gear and pull back on to the interstate. Adam rested his hand on top of Ronan’s hand that was gripping the gear shift. Ronan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t look away from the road.

Adam smiled as it started to snow.

“Happy anniversary, baby,” Adam said once Opal was asleep again. He couldn’t endure anymore of her adolescent chiding.

“Happy anniversary, love.” Ronan twisted their fingers together. “And merry Christmas.”

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 50 thousand words and 12 chapters later and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Who am I without my incredibly self-indulgent Christmas fic????
> 
> Happy holidays to all of you!
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting. You are all I want for Christmas ❤️
> 
> You can find me [here.](https://andtimestoodstill.tumblr.com) (And while I'm on break, feel free to send me prompts, I've got nothing to do to fill my days!)


End file.
